Tom Baker's Terrorific Halloween Horror Hits

There's something you should know about me:

I'm not normal.

Yeah, yeah, I know you were thinking to yourself, "Self, that Tom Baker sure is some guy: tall, handsome, undeniably built like a Greek god, possessed of a roving, never-exhausted intellect, and a massive personal endowment that keeps the ladies swooning. Why, he must be fabulously wealthy and deliriously happy, vacationing in all the most exotic and remote locales, and have a bevy of supermodels on each arm. I bet he's forced to schedule makeout time with them when he can squeeze them in (and the mother is booked up farther in advance than my proctologist)."

Well, friends, neighbors, stalkers, cutthroats, bystanders, pinheads, half-wits, dullards, lone nuts, idiots, and Just Plain Dudes: being me isn't all it's cracked up to be. I know, I know, don't let the good looks and the jet-set lifestyle fool ya': at the end of the day, I'm ONE OF YOU. (Actually, I'm not. But, hey, you know, NLP, and "mirroring," and "building a rapport".)

Where the Hell was I going with this? Oh yeah...

Anyway, a long time ago, back when dinosaurs walked the Earth and I still had internet that wasn't from 1845 (you could do shit back then, it was ridiculous), I got it in my head that I was going to celebrate THE WICKEDEST TIME OF THE YEAR, as an infernal homage to his Dark Majesty, the Author of Evil, the Prince of Pain, the Sultan of Sin, the Big Red Lord of the Dead; He Who Walks Behind the Rows. The Thing That SHOULD NOT BE....................................................................

Yeah, I recorded some Halloween albums. I did it for one reason, and one reason only. Because "the Darkness was One." (I'm not sure what that means exactly, but in this context, it sounds cool.)

Anyway, I wanted to celebrate the wicked, naughty, sinister shades that creep around our bed chamber in the wee hours of Halloween morn, the lurking black Shadows of the Abyss; the drooling, pulsing, many-tentacled, horrors from Beyond Cosmic Space; the Shadows Out of Time! I did it haunched over a smoking cheap keyboard, with some effects pedals and a lot of post-production run through Fruity Loops and VirtualDJ.

I'll let you in on a secret, too:

Surrealism will lead you to death, which is a secret society.

No, wait! That's Andre Breton. What I meant to say was:

The first album I did, whose title escapes me but I'll get it again when I embed the video, has better compositions. But no JAZZ, baby!

That second Halloween album, warts and all, at least has JAZZ to it. Or on it. Or in it. Take your pick.

Anydamnway, here's the first damn one, damn it.

Halloween: 13 Terrifying Tunes! (Halloween party music)

Yes, it's an incredible album of terrifying tunes to tickle any trick-or-treat enthusiast, be they wee little goblin, sheet-wearing ghostie, ghoul, ghast, grave worm, or grade school graduate. I composed all the music and played all the instruments here (all one of 'em), and I can tell you, to quote Leland Palmer, "My air sacks have never felt better."

Well, there're exactly one hundred and eighty words left to go, so let's take a tour down that long, dripping stone corridor I borrowed from yesterday's Dungeons and Dragons frolic, and proceed to Halloween album Numero Two-O:

A Little Halloween Music - Tom Baker (2018) Halloween Sounds and Music

Well, it's a mixed bag: on the one hand, it's an incredible testimony to the sheer brilliance I exhibit when jacked up on too much coffee and pure malevolent EVIL. On the other, I mash a note here and there. (Hey, everything in life is a mixed bag, take your pick, roll with the punches.)

And that's a wrap, my creepy compadres. Have yourself a humdinger of a Halloween, and remember: death rocks your lame ass. Chow.

Oh, one more thing:

'Twas the Night Before Hallowmass

(...ten more words and it's exactly six, six, six long)