The 'X'

The tapping on my countertop was ceaseless, the pen in my fingers bouncing up and down against the granite. I was lost in a world of numbers consisting mostly of minus signs. Envelopes lay scattered, messily stacked, and nearly spilling into the sink. Letters, bills, eviction warnings, strewn in disarray. I tried to keep everything in order, or as orderly as it comes with me. Sorting bills from most urgent to least. Though, rent had to be at the top of this stack no matter how I arranged it, given the addendum in the last heated letter from my landlord. If I don't pay rent on time this month, then I'm through.

Even if I managed to pull extra shifts at work it would still barely be enough to cover a part of the rent. This place was as rock-bottom as they came. The plumbing, barely functional, the lighting and electricity, badly wired, some outlets even rendered completely unusable. Half the cabinet doors in the kitchen were gone or barely hanging on, and not to mention the size or the lack of in this place. Even with the few belongings I have, the space felt cluttered.

Tragically, this shack was the best I could afford with my pitiful income and so, I went with it. My hands ran through my tangled hair as I leaned over all the bills, my mind started to feel like it was drowning.

"I should have married into wealth..." I muttered to myself with a heavy sigh. After a bit of self coaxing, I finally pried my eyes away from the letters and looked towards the window, it sat depressed above the rusted sink. The honey glow of the light above, though a stark contrast, made it difficult to see beyond the reflection of the room. The window was smugged and stained making it nearly impossible to see through.

I sigh once again, feeling trapped within my headspace and in my, "home."

I needed some uncluttered air, so pushing myself away from the counter I pulled my gray knit cardigan from the chair behind me. The yarn was rough from repeated washing, and threads hung randomly between severed seams. I was 12 when I got the ugly thing and it was way too big for me. Now as I step outside into the biting Autumn air I take a moment to be grateful that I kept it. The dried leaves crunching beneath my feet was a familiar sound. One of the only familiar sounds when you grew up in the city and suddenly decide to pack up and move to a rural region to chase a lofty dream. Sometimes I wonder if my dream is even worth it, whether or not it dies and fizzles out. I found my way to the inner edge of the woods, and retrace vaguely familiar steps to find the run-down pathways. The trees stood tall and powerful, even as their crown of leaves began to fall away. Gold, orange, and amber rained from the sky with gusts of dicing wind. The paths here hadn't been tended to, so unless you set your focus on the ground you're likely to miss it. With the tip of my sneaker, I shift some sticks and leaves from one side to the other clearing the ground to reveal a faded path tracked into the dirt. I began following it, putting into motion steps I take every time I've come out here. First, find something around you that you recognize. My eyes landed on a fallen tree, weak with mold and rot. I remembered it because the first evening I came here I tripped over it and did a number on my knee. Second, deposit a new memory. After walking some distance, I grabbed a few sticks and arranged them to form an arrow, that arrow pointed towards the fallen tree as a way of allowing me to get my bearings. To ensure the sticks aren't easily shifted, I also place heavy rocks on the ends. The sharp air bit my face and made my eyes sting, but it was a welcome change to the burn you'd get stepping out into cigarette smoke and streets gray with pollution. The further I walked the closer I drew to the river. The rushing water grew, but, so did another noise. Something that sounded like jingle bells. Ringing and ringing somewhere beyond the horizon. When the river came into view I walked alongside it and soon, I found the source of the sound. Resting on an age-stained blanket, was a suitcase. Tied to the handle, which was somewhat submerged at the river's edge, were 3 silver bells. They floated and bounced with the river's current, causing them to ring. Immediately I searched around myself, scanning through the trees with my eyes. Was someone nearby?

"Hello?" I called out into the voiceless woods. I waited, but there was no response. I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my cardigan, my fingers growing numb from the cold. I glanced to the suitcase, then around once more. Given the state that the blanket was left in, surely there hasn't been anyone out here in quite some time but who leaves their luggage behind in the middle of woods?

I returned to the suitcase, freeing one hand from my pocket to drag it from the reaching current and silence the bells. Maybe there was some ID inside. The suitcase was an ugly tan color, the bottom though was rust red and the latches on either side a fading gold. I knelt and lifted both latches opening the case, only to be met with an unexpected and somewhat alarming sight.

Filling the suitcase to its brim were stacks of cash, bound together neatly with rubber bands. Now my eyes searched the woods around me more thoroughly. There is no way someone would have just left this here, something must have scared them off but what? Things didn't feel so safe anymore, and just as I was about to stand I noticed a little black book, tucked into the corner of the suitcase. I slipped it out of its place, the leather cover blank and damp, cold to the touch. I turned through the yellowed pages and found only a list of names. A great many names, some marked at the end with a black check-mark and others marked at the end with a red X. What could it mean? Did it even matter? The book looked old, so did the suitcase and blanket. Even still, someone would have to be looking for this money. But if it's been out here long enough for the pages of this journal to begin to fade, maybe it was forgotten after all? A smart person would just leave this here, and probably report what they found. But I am neither smart nor reasonable. I tossed the book back into the case and closed it. After securing the latches I took the suitcase up in my hand and begin to head back. I couldn't help but keep glancing around me. Of course, nothing feels right after finding this much cash in the middle of nowhere. I would just take a little, enough to pay rent and hand the rest in, to the police.

When I got back to the house, I locked all three locks on the door securely. I closed the curtains on all the windows and flipped on most of the lights. Using my arm to push scattered papers out of the way, I place the suitcase on the cleared space on the table top in the kitchen and open it once again. Now I began to count, wondering just how much was in that case. After counting up the bills there was a total of $20,000 in that case. $20,000... That much money could cover all of my bills and put me on track to moving out of here...

"Just enough for rent." I reminded myself aloud.

I counted out $400 and sat it on the table, after closing the suitcase I slipped the cash down into my boot. I would give it to my landlord right away, after dropping the rest off at the police station. Something about having this money in my house made me uneasy. So the sooner it was out, the better. I headed back out, undoing all the locks I had just taken the care of securing, and stepped back out into the chill air. When I turned from the door though, I noticed a deer. She stood at the outer edge of the woods and peered at me, her ears occasionally twitching as she listened to the environment around her.

With a suddenness, a flock of crows took off from the treetops. This startled the both of us as she dashed into the woods and my back bumped into the door behind me.

"What am I doing? I suddenly come across the answer to my financial burdens and I'm going to just hand it away?" I thought. It would be insane. So justifying my reasoning, I slipped back into the house. There's no way whoever left this in the woods would need it more than I do. Now I spent an hour sorting through all of my bills over again. In total, they came to be $12,300. That leaves more than $7,000 that I could use to get out. Rent a better place and hopefully find a job with better pay. This opened avenues that were otherwise deadbolted. I made up my mind, I would keep the cash. Maybe this was a sign things are finally turning around for me, and what kind of fool would I be to deny myself that?

The sun was beginning to set, and it grew darker outside. With the weight of all these bills finally feeling lifted, for the first time in months, I think I'll sleep easy. I step out of my boots and remove the cash, setting it in the suitcase. Now I put it someplace more hidden, this old dump was good for one thing. Hidy holes, and lots of them. Just after hiding it away, I heard a steady,

'Tap, tap, tap.'

I looked towards the window, the curtain was drawn.

It continued to vibrate through the glass sharply. I walked over, slowly and used my fingers to part the curtain.

'Tap, tap.'

A crow. Pecking on the glass. I sighed in relief when I saw it, then shooed it away. I was psyching myself out, what I needed was some sleep. I'd deal with everything tomorrow. The house was only one floor, so my bedroom was off from the living room, as I left the kitchen I flipped off the light and while passing through the living room I turned those lights off too. My bed had never looked more welcoming, instead of dreading the come of another day I was looking forward to this one. Climbing in I felt my whole body relax, and I turned off the lamp as I slipped under the covers. In no time at all, I fell asleep.

But this bliss was short-lived. When I awoke, I woke sharply. It was cold, freezing cold. I sat up and heard the crunch of leaves under me. I looked around. The woods? How was I outside? Quickly I stood up and that's when pain struck me. A sting, searing through my right hand. I turned my hand over to see a bloody, "X" cut into my skin. I clutched the wound against my chest, my body rattled with fear. So cold...

The sun was barely up in the sky, and I didn't recognize this area of the woods. I took off, I took off faster than I knew my legs could carry me. I rushed to the sound of the flowing water, but I also heard....Bells. When I arrived, there it was. The suitcase. It lay the exact same on the old stained blanket. The bells battered by the tide. Slowly I approached it, confused. The reflection of the water caught my gaze and I looked towards it, thats when I saw it. A gash, the width of three fingers torn into my throat. I didn't feel a thing, but when I lifted my hand to it with a startled cry, sure enough, I felt it. Torn skin and exposed bone. I backed away from the river's edge, this was a nightmare. I fell asleep, and I'm having a nightmare. Only then, did I notice a tall slim figure leaned against a near tree. Not far from the suitcase. How had I not noticed them before?

"H-hey!" My voice stammered as I called out to them, and came closer. But they didn't respond, they didn't react even as I stumbled over with my hand braced over my throat. They wore a simple white dress shirt, but it was stained. And their black dress pants were covered in dirt. They wrote with a steady hand in that black notebook.

"Can you hear me? Hello! I need help." I said as I reached them. There was no response. I reached to shove their shoulder, but my hand went clear through. That's when my eyes came at last to the pages of the book, they were writing my name. "Amelia Boyd." At the end, they marked a red, "X".