The 4 hour plan

Was this all life had to offer? Was I even really guilty? I had nothing to be afraid of, I was the star of this town. Not a single soul would ever find out, to them I was perfect, the perfect son of the perfect father. I wrapped my mind of who I had become, proud. As I walked up the stage the candles burned bright, they left the lingering smell of paraffin wax stuck in the air with nowhere to go. The floorboards creaked at every step I took towards the centre. I adjusted the mic, a loud transmission exploded through the speakers and I caught the attention of the teary eyes weighing me down at their sight. “Hello everyone, my name is Sid Srinivas, son of Vikram Srinivas”, I readjusted my tone “thank you for coming, my father would have appreciated knowing how much he meant to all of you”. The crocodile tears were unreal, no one really cared if he lived or died, I did them a favour. My father was a monster, he deserved this. I could hear myself saying this made up story how he was a true hero, every bone in my body screamed “lie, lie, lie”, what I wished I had said was “ he was a pathetic mad man who made everyone around him feel small. I smiled and told a room full of strangers he was the best dad anyone could ask for, he gave us everything. This was not the time or the place to expose my true feelings. I had already done what I needed to. The floorboards creaked heavier and closer to me, I felt the cold hands of Father Samuel against my very own fingers pressing them to tell me I had done great, he makes money off this service he doesn’t care. I walked off the stage and waited for the rest of this ceremony to be over. The only explanation was the money they were after, could anyone actually like this man? I waited for everyone to leave the building it was tiresome waiting on people to tell me their condolences, just to say “yes I’m fine, thank you” as if any of that could bring someone back to life. It was finally empty and I couldn’t wait to go home, Gunner was a little troubled these days so he needed me.

As I reached my driveway I heard my brakes squeal, the wind was howling along with Gunner. The lights were lit bright, as I walked up the stairs I could almost feel how dreary the evening sky felt, the house felt sad and lonely. I could hear Gunner scratching at door, barking I felt my keys go in, as the door opened a massive shadow charged out the door and fled towards the barn doors where it was wrapped tightly with yellow tape, it read “POLICE LINE – DO NOT CROSS”. I could feel my face warming up with anger “Gunner, Gunner, let’s go NOW” he whimpered. “Alright you little shit time for your walk, ah now that gets you excited”. I tackled him trying to get his vest on, he needed training that’s for sure. We walked down the stairs and into the evening light lit by the street. I started feeling calm again the anger building up in me needed a place to go, I felt guilty for not being sad, he deserved to die. What else could I have done? I had to do this to live my own life. I didn’t want to think about this, I fixated on the evening sky, so clear you could start to see the stars come out before the sun was even down. Okay, I’m going to think positive I thoughts, he was horrible he deserved this and I had no choice. Maybe things would’ve been different if we still had my mom around but he was a bad man. I realized Gunner was doing his business on the freshly cut grass of the old woman on our street, I couldn’t help but leave as fast as I could. This old woman was a menace to our street, she deserved the shit on her lawn. I ran, feeling extremely satisfied with myself, I knew it was wrong but it made me happy knowing she would be furious. As I got home was feeling that uneasy guilt that made angry. Why should I be guilty? I did nothing wrong. As I got to the door I realized the barn door was now opened. I never got a call from the SPD, there was someone in there, the noise made it clear it was a woman I might have to move my plans from tomorrow to tonight, I felt irritated. “Hello, no one called me to tell me you’d be here today, hello?”. Whoever she was she had stopped shifting. Her eyes made contact with mines, she was beautiful yet the fearful look in her eyes made me wonder what she was doing. “I’m sorry, my name is Mati” she said, “I tried ringing your bell, no one was home, the county sent me to take photos of the scene”. I paused, what should I say “it’s fine, I was just bringing Gunner on a walk let me know where you’re done I’ll be inside” I pointed towards the house, what she did was wildly inappropriate but pretty people have a certain amount of privilege, do they not? It had been a whole week since I was last here but I remained calm. I walked back to the house with Gunners leash held tight. There was no way she could’ve known, did she think I was guilty? Was I under investigation? There was no way the I could be a part of something like this. This was perfect I now had someone to blame. I went up to my room gathered the things I needed, all I had to do was bring her into the house. I heard the doorbell ring, it was loud but dying so it left an uneasy echo bouncing on walls. I ran down cloth in hand, she was going to make this right.

“Hey, I think I got everything I need here” she seemed nervous, odd I haven’t done the slightest thing to offend her. Maybe I’m a little crazy, I must be losing my charm. “Okay, thank you for coming, were you able to get up the ladder okay?” I asked, knowing the answer. “I’m sorry I wasn’t aware there was a ladder, I looked around everywhere” she seemed nervous again, she must be new on the job. I assured her, “it happens no one realizes it’s part of the wall, I can show you.” She went in front of me heading towards the barn doors, as we walked in we both caught the sight of a hefty bird basking in the moonlight. It turned its eyes towards us, something so strangely familiar, I needed to do what I came for I put the cloth around her nose I could feel her struggle but I needed her to pass out quick I could have people looking at me when the marks showed up on her body. The owl was staring at me eyes angry as ever, its an animal probably looking for the mice near the old trash. I could feel her struggle, I didn’t even remember her name I felt guilty for what I was about to do but it needed to be done. It was her or me and I’d pick me every time. Finally she passed out and I could feel my plan fall into place. First things first, delete the photos. I grabbed her camera wearing latex on my hands was quite itchy but not the worst. I was sad such a beautiful woman would soon be gone, I guess sometime a sacrifice needs to be made in order to save someone else. I dragged her to where he died that night. Staged it almost too perfectly it gave me goosebumps, this was a form of art.

All I needed was for her to wake up and make it look like a suicide with no signs of struggle I could do that. I’ve done it before, I could do it again.

I grabbed her phone and began writing away the relationship she had never been in with my father and why she chose this place to be with him, even in death. I knew this plan would get me to where I needed. This would work I tried convincing myself, this better work. She was starting to regain consciousness but she wouldn’t be able to leave, with a door heavy like that heavy she’d be stuck unless she sawed off her own foot, I was proud with what I had done. This is what smart people do, we get off charges by any means, this is what it was like to be smart. I grabbed my phone knowing the next step was to call SPD “911 how can I direct your call?” “Hello, there’s someone at my house I think they’re trying to hurt me, please hurry” I hung up quick I knew this would take them time to figure out. I could hear Gunner again howling, I had to shut him up, I opened the door as he bolted to the barn. I ran after him into a room with no one chained to the door that’s impossible, I felt like I was being watched, she was there, she was awake and in the dimly lit barn. I heard near the door there was no escape she was trapped. I would just have to hurt her a little I still need my plan to go well. I have a life to live, this wasn’t fair. I plunged towards the noise, it was the owl with a bloody mouse in its mouth pierced at its head. Right then I heard the shifting behind me, I looked up behind me as a knife plunged into my own head. I heard her scream and run outside, towards the blue and red lights dancing away. I felt a heavy weight land on my chest the barn owl landed on me, staring into my eyes was my very own father. “Was this all life had to offer?”