Speedy Read Horror Review

In this Speedy Read Horror movie review, I will be going over Netflix’s “requel” Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2022.

*I want to start by saying that these are just opinions and thoughts I have on the film. I appreciate all films even ones that I make criticisms on. Art is subjective.*

Cinema history is filled with countless remakes, sequels, prequels, and now “requels.” It seems that the nostalgia train is still chugging at full speed in Hollywood and it’s not looking like it’s going to slow down anytime soon. Alas, we have another film in a long line of films that tries to execute the successes of its original and, depending on who you ask, falls flat on its face. Girls, Gays, Theys, and everyone else…. Let me introduce to you, Netflix’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022.)

This movie was alright. Just alright. Coming in at a whopping 1 hour and 21 min. runtime, Netflix’s foray into the lives of the cannibalistic family: The Sawyers – more specifically just Leatherface, comes in with all guns blazing. The film takes no time in dropping us headfirst into the action. The creators of this “requel” must not want us to like any of these characters because from the first 5-10 minutes I was physically gagging from all the Gen-Z “wokeness.” Not saying that being “woke” is a bad thing, but the creators of this new TCM must really hate anyone under the age of 30. Or social media influencers. The young kids we are introduced to are intolerable hipster shits that vomit politically correct bile all over the natives of the ghost town of Howe. The two “likable” kids in the group stay quiet for the majority of their time on screen with one dying in the first 10-15 minutes. The two most egregious ones come barreling into every space of Howe, demanding everyone to bow to their will and do what they say because they own the town now. In one such confrontation, a dispute between the title of an orphanage causes the elderly resident/owner to have a heart attack and subsequently die soon after. What these little shits don’t realize is that they messed with the wrong Texan.

If you came specifically for gore and a massacre, you will be rewarded with one of the coolest bus scenes in modern movie history (move over Shang-chi!) I do have issues with the look of the gore. It looks too shiny and clean. When I think of Texas Chainsaw Massacre I think of dirty, nasty, and griminess. I need to be able to smell the scene without actually smelling it. I need to feel the dirtiness of the sweat drenched clothes, the stale sun baked blood, and the sandy Texan dust in my eyes. This has none of that. The only two REAL messy sequences in the film are of course the bus scene and the sewage pipe explosion (barf.)

Typically, I try not to dwell on the convoluted timelines of slashers. Events and such get changed so much that it will make anyone go brain dead. However, I couldn’t stop myself from getting wrapped up in the timeline between the original and this “true sequel.” Why is leatherface at an orphanage? Wasn’t leatherface an adult in the 1974 film? Did they de-age him and why? Why was it so hard for Sally to find him all these years? (more on that later.) Why does no one seem to know about the Sawyer family apart from the documentary playing in the gas station? Wouldn’t it be strange that one day a humongous man or child just shows up at the town orphanage right after a massacre? No matter how hard I tried to wipe these questions from my mind, they kept coming back and I couldn’t really focus on and enjoy the movie.

I felt that the creators bringing back Sally and making her a Halloween 2018 Laurie Strode clone was disingenuous. Of course, bad ass Sally does not turn out to be like her counterpart, instead she is written to be a silly old lady with PTSD that screams horrible one liners and then is promptly slice, diced, and thrown into the trash. What a horrible ending for the original final girl.

With all my grievances already laid out, I will give credit where credit is due. TCM 2022 had a killer ending. Of course, I knew something was going to happen, didn’t everyone? I just didn’t anticipate what actually happened. All in all, it was a quick flick that had some decent kills and beautiful cinematography shots. If you’re wanting a quick horror slasher where you can root for the killer, this is for you. I would have to give it a 4 ½ stars out of 10 because it feels like the creators were just trying to make a quick TCM movie for profit and to get social media blazing on that bus scene. It seems like someone came up with the bus scene first and just wrote around it.

Don’t forget to stay for the short end credits scene that possibly sets up more sequels.