Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'White Noise' (2005)

You know, it's not a bad movie, but it's just so lukewarm compared to movies in its class. I'd compare this one to Stir of Echoes, and every time I do, I'm just going to end up saying, watch that instead. We can pretty much cut to the punch line here. Everything this movie does, Stir of Echoes does better, just with fewer shameless jump-scares.

I guess if you need jump-scares, you can watch this one instead. But honestly, even most of those were pretty lame, some being completely unearned, like this one time a truck drives by, or when the male lead played by Keaton jolts the female lead awake. It's groan-worthy, not even cringeworthy.The second problem, they don't treat you like an adult, and let you just take in the information. They drag you by the nose and rub your face in it like a dog that just pissed the carpet. This movie is very showy, too showy, and if you remember my complaints about Crimson Peak, the two biggest problems were that it led you by the nose, and was way too showy. It kills the tension and the mystery. Let the audience put the puzzle pieces together, and if they can't, just assemble it for them like a good movie.

I mean, don't get me wrong. The acting is fantastic, the atmosphere dark, distorting, and disorienting, and the presentation interesting, even a bit creepy. But the plot was so needlessly convoluted, which somehow doesn't prevent it from being painfully obvious (if you can believe that). I just feel like I could have written it better, and that kills it for me.

I'm not going to recommend this movie. You can seriously just watch Stir of Echoes, or even Crimson Peak, for that mater. I guess, if you ABSOLUTELY need more of that kind of horror, feel free to give this a shot.

SPOILERS!!!

What the fuck were these three shadowy specters trying to accomplish? They were clearly after Raymond's people, and even Raymond himself, for using EVP (for whatever reason they felt they needed to kill for that). But then they drive a serial killer to murder Keaton's character's wife who was in no way involved until they did that. I mean sure, the latter girl the killer kidnaps was one of Raymond's clients, but neither Keaton's character nor his character's wife ever were.

Second issue. I realize it's lame to have only one tool in the tool box, but why have the serial killer kill for them at all? The three shadow specters seem more than capable of killing all by themselves without help. They kill Raymond. They kill the lady in the car wreck. They almost kill the other female lead but she survives. Hell, they kill Keaton's character. Why the fuck have a middle man?

Speaking of which, what was the shadow specter's fucking motivation? They mostly seemed like they were using Raymond to find new victims. But then they killed Raymond. If they were trying to just kill everyone Raymond came in contact with, why not just do that. Why not specifically kill Raymond first, and prevent anyone else from getting involved, let alone Keaton's character and his wife.I've got to call 'Bad Ghost' on this one, because whatever these fuckers were trying to accomplish, they were shit at it.

Give this one a pass. It's completely forgettable.