Mr. and Mrs. Jones

“Oh! You’re home early, Nancy.”

“I know, I had an appointment. I’m feeling a little under the weather.”

“That’s too bad. What did the doctor say?”

“Nothing serious, a mild case of the flu.”

“Is that why you’ve been sick the past few mornings?”

“Yeah, it hits me the worst then. Anyway, what have you been up to today? Why aren’t you at work?”

“Oh, I decided to take a vacation day. Catch up on the baseball season and whatnot.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Kevin? I would have joined.”

“You’ve just seemed to be stressed lately. I thought it may have been because you’re behind at work so I didn’t want you to worry about taking the day off for me.”

“It’s not work, I’ve just been stressed in general.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Linda called on my lunch break. Her and Bill want to do brunch on Sunday. Does that work?”

“Sure sweetie, hopefully you feel better by then.”

“What’s that on your shirt, Kevin?”

“Oh, it’s nothing.”

“Is that blood?”

“I guess it is, I had a small nose bleed earlier. Nothing to worry about.”

“It’s on your jeans too.”

“Yeah, I sneezed and it must have sprayed a bit.”

“Oh, okay. Have you been having them a lot lately? I’ve actually been noticing blood on your clothes quite often.”

“Yeah, the dry air has really been getting to me. Let’s sit on the couch and relax honey. Here, let me take your purse.”

“No, no. That’s okay babe. I’ve got it.”

“What’s that sticking out of it?”

“Oh it’s nothing, just the new company pen. I actually think they’re hideous, I’m going to talk to marketing about them.”

“Huh, they sure are getting creative with those things. Aren’t they?”

“Kevin, how many times do I have to ask you to put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher? Ew, what’s crusted on it? Is that brown?”

“Oh, it’s nothing honey, I’m sorry. Just some chocolate icing. Let me go ahead and clean that.”

“I didn’t know we had chocolate icing.”

“Yeah, got it from the store this morning.”

“Did you make a cake? I don’t see one. You should’ve saved me some!”

“I’m sorry dear, I will next time.”

THUMP

“Kevin, what was that?”

“I didn’t hear anything.”

“It sounded like it came from the coat closet.”

“Maybe just a coat falling, I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“I’m gonna go take a peek.”

“No! I mean, no, honey. Come sit with me, I feel like we don’t see enough of each other. You’ve been so busy with work, and I’m sorry to say, but your mood has been all over the place lately. You finally seem to be in a good one. Come sit with me and let me enjoy your company.”

“Well, you haven’t been home a lot either. What, with all your overtime at work and bowling nights with the guys, I feel like you barely have time for me!”

“I know honey, I’m sorry. I’ve just been trying to relieve some stress from work and the bowling definitely helps. My boss has been a terror about finishing up this financing project. I could just strangle him sometimes! He knows I’ve been working on it non-stop and I’ve been putting in 15 extra hours a week to try and make him happy. He’s driving me mad.”

“You should talk to him about it.”

“Believe me, I’ve tried. But unfortunately, he’s just another corporate asshole. He doesn’t think twice about the crippling pressure he’s putting on his employees as long as the projects are getting done and he’s raking in the profits.”

“How did we get such stressful lives? Sometimes I could just scream.”

“Sometimes I could just kill someone.”

“Well that’s a little morbid, darling. I hope you don’t pass that attitude on down the line.”

“Well, I’m sure I can fix it by then. I’ve got a few years I’m sure.”

“Right, a few years.”

THUMP. *Groan*

“Kevin! You can’t tell me you didn’t hear that!”

“Honey, that’s the wall that separates us from the neighbors. I’m sure you’re just hearing them.”

“Well they sound awfully close. Almost like they’re in the coat closet. Maybe they’re listening through the walls! Joyce has always been a nosy busybody, I wouldn’t put it past her.”

“I’d listen to us through a wall. We’re pretty exciting folks.”

“Ha! For all they know we could be like Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Wouldn’t that be something?”

“Isn’t it amazing how they hid their secrets from even each other? They were married and lived together and the whole nine yards! It was truly something brilliant.”

“Like I always say, ‘a few secrets never hurt anyone.’”

“Exactly, dear! But hey, how about this… Let’s go out to dinner. I’ll drive so you can have a nice glass of wine. Choose any place you want, sweetie.”

“No wine for me. I feel like it wouldn’t mix well with my stomach. Dinner sounds nice though. Let’s go somewhere French.”

“That sounds amazing. You know me so well, dear.”

“I would imagine so; four years of marriage will do that for people. Hey, let’s order dessert too. I’ve been so much hungrier lately.”

“Anything for you, darling. Go ahead to the car, I’ll grab us some coats.”