Movie Review: 'Christmas Bloody Christmas' is Shockingly Good

Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

Directed by Joe Begos

Written by Joe Begos

Starring Riley Dandy, Sam Delich, Abraham Benrubi, Jonah Ray

Release Date December 9th, 2022

Published December 12th, 2022

Christmas horror movies are really having a moment in 2022. Three high profile Christmas themed horror movies have been released to theaters in just the first two weeks of December. One of them is a high profile star affair, Violent Night, while another is an open ripoff of a famed children's franchise, The Mean One. The third Christmas themed horror of December 2022, however is by far the best of the trio. Christmas Bloody Christmas is a wildly over the top, high concept horror movie with high grade gore and sex to spare.

Riley Dandy stars in Christmas Bloody Christmas as Tori Tooms, the ultimate cool chick. Tori owns a record store, loves heavy metal, and claims she can drink any man under the table. She's a manic pixie dream rock chick. I'm being sarcastic, but only a little. Riley Dandy is soooo good in this movie that she makes this dream girl into an awesome character. Did I absolutely go for this fantasy woman, yes, but only because Riley Dandy commits to the character so very deeply, it's such a good performance.

It's Christmas Eve as our story begins and Tori is closing shop for the night on her killer retro record store. She's planning on hooking up with some guy on Tinder until her employee, Robbie (Sam Delich), convinces her to go out drinking with him instead. The banter between Tori and Robbie is charged, flirtatious, combative and quite funny. These two probably should not be hooking up under any circumstances, this would definitely be a mess the next day, but tonight, who knows?

As the night kicks off, the pair drop by a toy store where two of their friends, a couple, Jay and Lahna (Jonah Ray and Dora Madison), are planning to have sex amid all the trappings of a toy store at Christmas. The many Christmas decorations include large amounts of fake snow, all the colored lights and stockings you would want, and one creepy, animatronic Santa Claus. Unfortunately for all of these characters, this Santa does more than just repeat 'Merry Christmas.'

In a backstory delivered by exposition TV News channel, we learn that these animatronic Santa's that have been delivered to toy stores across the country and have been coming to life. It turns out, each was part of a failed experiment to create animatronic soldiers to be sent into violent conflicts. These unstoppable killing machines have, for some reason, been converted into Santa Claus robots and now, for unknown reasons, they've started to come to life and kill.

That's the premise and from there unfolds a standard slasher film with Santa seeking and destroying anyone who gets his attention, no matter if they are are naughty or nice. Naturally, this includes our hero, Tori, and Robbie, and whether or not they can survive Santa is the crux of the story. Naturally, this will include an inept response from local small town cops and no shortage of failed attempts to kill Santa followed by Santa making an improbable and terrifying comeback.

That last part is nearly where Christmas Bloody Christmas lost me. The end of the movie goes on far too long. It's needless and it really tried my patience. That said, I like Riley Dandy so much that I got over the too many endings, for the most part. I'm still complaining about it here, but I do still really like this movie. The people behind Christmas Bloody Christmas were likely going for a gag at the end, but it falls short, it doesn't become funny, it becomes monotonous.

Riley Dandy is so awesome. She's a sexy badass hero and my absolute dream girl. I bought in on her from the first moment. Her banter with first a customer and friend played by Jonah Ray, and then her awesome back and forth with Delich's Robbie is peppered with spiky, funny, dialogue that won me over immediately. She may be a fantasy girl, but this is my kind of fantasy. She also appears to be having a blast playing this character and I love that.

Christmas Bloody Christmas won't be mistaken for great art but it's an awesome addition to the shockingly growing pantheon of Christmas horror movies. It's my favorite Christmas horror movie of the crop we've received this year and, I imagine, though I haven't done the research to be certain of it, it's my favorite Christmas horror movie period. It's just so much fun. It's crazy violent, gory, and shocking, as well as absurdly funny, and I am here for it.

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