Leave Him Alone

This is our plan

Meet me round this table

Listen to my commands

Follow my orders

Leave that man alone

Never touch him

Never tell him what we are doing

Never go to him

Never meet him

Never speak to him in person

Talk to him only telepathically

All the time

Interrogate him

All the time

Never let anyone have anything to do with him personally

If they go to his home

Make them go away

Immediately

If they touch him

Make them smoke and drink and do drugs

Get them away from him as quickly as possible

Watch him constantly

Never let him see you in person

Monitor his entire personal life constantly

Make him fend for himself at all times

Make him find his own money

Make him take care of himself constantly

Never let anyone do anything for him personally

The purpose of this plan is to make fun of the command, “Leave him alone.”

This plan is called the Leave Him Alone Plan

We are going to leave him alone

As we must make sure that he stays alone at all times

And we will never touch him

Nor meet him in person ever

All the while bothering him throughout his entire life

Badgering him with excruciating obtrusiveness beyond belief

All the time

In that way we will not be leaving him alone at all ever

But no one will ever know what we are really doing to him

Not even him

Our goal is to end the English language

As soon as we have proven

To the world

That

The English command of “Leave Him Alone”

Makes no sense whatsoever

To anybody anywhere

Then we will have accomplished our final destiny in life

Our language will then have become

universal

And we shall then have gained supreme power

Over all the worlds of the universe

This is your mission in life

You can walk away from the table if you choose to

But

Deny yourself of your destiny in life

And you will regret it

Let me see your loyalty or lack of thereof to our plan

Here are your spy monitors

Point your monitor guns at the radar point on your screens

Those who refuse to point their guns shall be sentenced to surveillance and interrogation for life

My gun is pointed away from all of you

right now

I can, however, point my gun at any one of your own radar points at any time

Any radar point can appear on my screen at any time

Should anyone deny themselves of their destiny

Proceed now to either point

Or be pointed at

You have ten seconds to decide your destiny

Ready…set…go

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

You have all decided wisely

All of you are now official monitors and interrogators of that man

In our plan

Leave Him Alone

Our meeting is adjourned

You are all free to go

Take your spy monitors with you

And keep your guns pointed at the radar point on your screen

The only way to stay in position as spy monitors and interrogators

Is to keep your monitors on your bodies at all times

Sleeping

Eating

Showering

Anything you do

Requires that you remain attached to your monitors

Which include the guns as well

Peel off the back of the monitor

Affix the monitor back to the back of your left hand

Or right hand

Depending on whether you are right or left handed

Then slide the gun into the monitor holster

Do not remove the gun from the holster

Only then will the gun stay pointed at the radar point of that man

And not your own

Now you are free to go

Any questions before we depart and embark on our mission in life?

No?

No questions?

Good!

Good luck!

Our mission has begun