In the Deeps

I nearly drowned two weeks ago, and it changed my life.

My family moved out to Mercy Shore recently. It's a little peninsula town in Washington with two hardware stores, a Walmart, and not much else. Mom and Dad grew up in San Diego amongst the hustle and bustle of city life and decided they wanted to retire somewhere a little quieter. I had been their last child, a total surprise to both of them at forty. Now that they were fifty-five, they felt it was time to retire and enjoy their golden years.

So they moved me four hundred miles away from my friends, my school, and anyone I had ever known so they could enjoy those golden years.

We moved into a beach house of sorts. It was set up on a hill overlooking the beach. It was a two-story, the second-floor a loft that overlooked the ocean out of a big round bay window. They gave me the loft and took a large room downstairs with a less spectacular view, knowing I was not happy about leaving all my friends behind. I guess my parents were trying to placate me, so I set up the meager possessions we had brought with us, the moving truck being a couple of days behind. As I set about finding a home for things, I found myself drawn to the big window that overlooked our own little stretch of beach.

The shore was far from picturesque. Not quite as pretty as the California beaches, Mercy Shore was stony and a little bleak looking. I did not doubt that the water would be cold and clear, but it would also likely have rocks and maybe crabs scuttling underfoot. There was a tall jut of rock just off the coast, about fifty feet from the shore. I found my gaze drawn there again and again. It looked like nothing so much as a tall throne, fit for a giant. The seat was smooth from many tides. I almost thought I could see little hollows in the back of the throne. The throne wasn't quite large enough for caves, but there were narrow fluted passages in the thrones back that would likely filter water when a wave crashed over it.

Those waves woke me up that first night. The crashing of the breakers jarred me awake. I realized they were so loud because I had left the window open. As it slid shut, my eyes caught by the moon as it cast its glow on the stone thrown. As I closed the window, I saw something moving in the water. The lean shape crested up and out of the water like a sea serpent, and as it came up, I could see that it was a girl. Her hair was long and silver and lovely. She ran her fingers through it as I stared at her, and she seemed to feel my gaze as she floated like a specter in the dark water. She looked up at me, her smile wide and inviting, and waved a single pale hand at my window.

I waved back, and when she slipped under the waves this time, she didn't come back up.

When I woke up the next morning, I convinced myself I had dreamed it.

The next day, mom and dad wanted to go antiquing in town. I told them I didn't want to go, and they didn't act too put out by my refusal. It was pretty clear that they didn't want a complaining teen tagging along and ruining their trip. I waved to them from the front porch as they left before moving upstairs to relax a little. I sat in the window seat of my new room, reading and watching the waves crash when I saw some people walking down with blankets and a cooler. They started setting up their stuff, and I noticed most of them looked around my age. On a whim, I decided to talk to them. What was the worst that could happen?

I slipped on a pair of comfy shorts and headed out.

The beachgoers tensed when they heard the door open, but they relaxed a little when they realized I wasn't an adult. I introduced myself and learned that they were Matt, Stewart, Kyle, and Roger. They had apparently been coming to this beach for quite a while and said it was a favorite hangout spot for them.

"Sorry for intruding. Throne Beach has been empty for years, and the old lady who used to live here always let us play here when we were kids." Matt explained.

Matt looked like he'd be at home on any California beach. Board shorts, long brown hair cut in that way that's half bowl and half natural, a surfboard next to his blanket and a smile for anyone. Stewart was tall, gangly almost, with buck teeth and thick glasses. He was very pale, and I got the impression that they had dragged him out from under a rock to hang out with his friends. Kyle and Roger looked like a couple of classic Chads. Snap brim hats, sculpted physics, gold chains, and board shorts. They slapped my hand when I went to shake and roared with laughter when I looked a little confused.

We became friends in that effortless way that teens do.

I hung out with them for the rest of the day. We swam, the water was as cold and stony as I had thought it would be, and we played frisbee with a big red disk that Roger had brought. I invited them in for lunch, and we sat on the blankets and munched cold sandwiches and chips. The sun was starting to work its way across the sky as we ate. I noticed that mine wasn't the only eye drown to the big rock out there. Matt was studying it intently as he ate, and it almost seemed like he was looking for something out there.

"It's pretty cool." I said, taking a bite of bologna as he looked over at me, "the rock I mean."

He nodded.

"Oh, Matt just thinks its cool cause he thought he saw a girl out there." Roger crowed.

Matt shot him a murderous look, but I was interested.

"A girl?"

Matt blew out a long breath.

"Well, it happened a few years ago. I was out here swimming with Kyle and Roger, and the waves were a little rougher than I thought they were. We had all been daring each other to swim to the rock and back; we had done it since we were young. I was on my way back, and a huge wave crashed over me and drove me under. I kicked my legs and tried to right myself, but the waves kept crashing down. I was underwater, running out of air, and as my lungs cried out, I felt hands catch me. Someone lifted me and swam me to the shore. I was on my knees, hacking up water, and struggling for breath. I looked back at the water and saw a girl swimming away. Kyle and Roger came running up then, and when I looked back, she was gone."

Kyle snickered, but I was still curious.

"What did she look like?"

Matt seemed to think, "She had long hair, maybe blonde or silvery, and she looked young; I remember thinking she was about my age. Her hands felt strong but cold, and I've been keeping an eye out for her ever since. I keep hoping maybe she'll come back."

His eyes glazed over a little then, and he stared back at the throne shaped rock.

I heard my dad honk the horn on his old truck then, and my new friends turned to see my parents coming up the drive. They had some furniture in the back of the pickup. As Dad got out, he called me over to help him move it. I said my goodbyes and went to help but found all four of them following behind me, to my surprise. We had the furniture inside faster than expected between the five of us, and I introduced them to my parents. Mom asked if they'd like to stay for dinner, holding up a take-out Chinese food bag.

"I can go get some more. The place next to the antique shop smelled so good that I just had to have some."

"Maybe another time, ma'am. We don't want to intrude," Matt said. He held his hand up, and I slapped it as he promised that they would come by tomorrow to see if I wanted to hang out. They cleaned up their stuff and, after another round of goodbyes, they hopped on their bikes and rolled into town.

Mom smiled, "Making friends already."

I smiled back, realizing I had done just that.

We sat around the table and ate as they told me about their day. My parents talked about the antiquing, the store in town had a large selection and mom was in love with several more pieces. I told them about my new friends, and they agreed that they seemed like nice boys. I told them about how lovely the beach was, and mom said she had gotten a call from the movers saying they would be here tomorrow afternoon with the stuff.

"Maybe your friends would like to help you set your room up?" she asked.

It turns out they did.

I spent that summer hanging out with my new friends. We had moved at the very end of school, and next year I would be starting tenth grade at Mercy Shore High. Matt, Stewart, Kyle, and Roger would be starting tenth grade as well. We had many of the classes in common, and as the summer slipped away, Matt proposed one last beach day to celebrate the end of summer.

"Its the last really warm day before fall, and we should take advantage of it.

It was a great day. The sun was hot, and the wind was breezy. Dad had set up his grill and was cooking hotdogs and hamburgers. Mom had found the badminton net, and we were using it to play volleyball. Mom agreed to play with us, to round the teams out, and she turned out to be very good. Roger, Stewart, and my mom creamed Kyle, Matt, and I in 3 out of 5 matches, and we decided to swim after that.

We took to the water like a school of fish, and Kyle suggested we swim to the rock.

"Come on, Kyle, lets not." Matt protested.

"What's the matter, Matt? Chicken?" Kyle teased.

"I'll race you," I said, starting to swan for the rock as Kyle cawed angrily and lit out after me.

You don't realize it from the shore, but the rock is pretty far out. It was about thirty feet from the beach, and you don't realize it until you get there. I had swum to the rock before, we all had, but its never the same trip twice. I swam hard, tearing up the surf as I went, and when I got to the rock, my arms were burning. I hung to the side of the rock like a barnacle, catching my breath as Kyle closed the distance. When he was about three feet away, I dove back into the water and started swimming hard for the shore. I heard him yell, but I ignored him, paddling hard as I made for my friends who bobbed near the beach.

That was when something grabbed my leg.

At first, I thought it was a fish that had wandered too close and kicked my foot to shoo it. When it wrapped its squishy hands around my leg again, though, it tugged me down with a strength I hadn't felt before. I was pulled under the water, dragged beneath the waves, and as I went below, I felt the air rush out of me in surprise. I kicked out, but whatever had me was fast. It dodged out of the way of my kicks and continued to drag me into the blackness below. I opened my eyes, trying to see what it was, and I was transfixed for a moment.

It was a girl.

It was the girl.

Her hair plumed around her like a halo, and as she noticed me noticing her, she smiled at me. For a moment, it seemed that her mouth was too full of teeth, rows of needles that gleamed in the murky depths. She tugged me down, but now I very much did not want to go. I kicked again, but I was losing focus. I needed air; I was losing consciousness. As the blackness swam up before my eyes, I thought for sure I was going to drown.

Then something grabbed me under the arms and tugged me free.

The next thing I was aware of was someone giving me CPR as I coughed and gurgled on the beach. Mom's face swam before me, and she smiled in relief as I came back. I sat up, still coughing, and heard someone in the water yelling for Matt. Kyle was beside me, apologizing profusely as I choked out the last of the water. I looked around and saw that Stewart was yelling at Matt as he dived under, again and again, searching for something.

"Whats..." I coughed up some water, "what's wrong with Matt."

Kyle looked out and sighed, "He went out to save you. He dove to get you, but then he came up talking about that girl he'd seen. Said she had you by the leg, and after he put you on the beach, he went out to find her again."

Dad called the festivities shortly after that. Kyle and Roger hauled Matt out of the water, and the four left after saying bye and telling me they were glad I was okay. Matt didn't say anything. He looked dazed and confused and kept looking back to the water as they led him back to their bikes.

I knew how he felt.

I found myself drawn to the water after that. If I had a spare moment, or even if I didn't, I would sit by the water and listen to the wave. I couldn't get her out of my mind, that beautiful creature that has grabbed me. Why had she grabbed me, I wondered? She had seemed intent on showing me something underwater. Did she want me to see something?

Matt started coming around a lot more. Not to see me, not really, but I think he wanted to be close to the water too. I caught him down by the water at night sometimes, sitting by the shore or sitting on the beach. He never brought anything. He was always just sitting in the sand and staring at the water. Dad came out and shooed him more than once, but he told me not to sit out there at night a few days later.

"He could get hurt out there, and I don't want to call the cops on him for trespassing."

That was the night I heard a whispery voice coming from the beach. It came through my window and seduced my ear to wakefulness. I sat up, listening, hearing a returning voice that was much less musical. It was no less familiar, though. When I looked down at the beach, I saw that Matt was on the shore and talking to someone. The someone was in the water, and by the sound, they were trying to coax him into the water with them. He looked back towards the road, his bike a shadowed hulk on the street, and then again at the speaker. He said something, too low for me to hear, and when they returned that sweet honey sound, he walked into the water, and I heard him splash as he dove.

I ran from my room and went softly down the stairs. I was worried about him. He was a strong swimmer, but the water at night was likely dangerous. I came out onto the beach, whispering his name so as not to wake my folks up. I went to the edge of the water and scanned the dark ocean for him, but he was nowhere to be found. He had been here only a moment before, hadn't he?

I spent a few minutes searching for him before finally heading inside, thinking maybe I had been dreaming or something.

That's when I heard the voice.

"Hello, Handsome."

I turned back to the water. I had heard a feminine voice speak, heard it plain as day, but all I could see was the black waves as they churned endlessly. It was dark out there, too dark, and I didn't think that anything could exist out there int hat darkness.

"Not leaving already, are you?" the voice asked again.

It was closer now, and when I looked, I saw a silver-haired girl sitting on the shoreline.

It was the same one as before.

She was dressed in a green dress, the color of seaweed. Her silver hair hung wild around her and shimmered wetly in the moonlight. Her skin was like porcelain, so white and flawless, and her face looked like a carved mask made flesh. Her hands were on her knees, and when she turned, she smiled at me with the most beautiful set of perfect white teeth. She was breathtaking, the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, and she tugged at the leg of my pajamas as though trying to get me to sit.

I did.

"What brings you here so late?" she asked in her whisper voice.

"I thought my friend was here," I said, a little shakily.

Her silver hair danced in the moonlight when she shook her head, "No one here but you and I."

"I saw you the first night I moved here," I said, not knowing why.

She nodded, "I wanted to say hello, and now it seemed I have." she giggled.

I don't know how long I sat out there, but it was the best night of my life. We talked for hours about nothing at all. She absorbed every word I said, and I basked in her ephemeral beauty. She was a goddess, her skin lacking blemish or fault, her hair a perfect silver sheet. We talked until the sun came up, and I remember her looking at it and giving a little hiss.

"Come see me tonight, Handsome," she said sweetly.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"Home, but I'll be back tonight," she said.

Then she kissed me, and my whole world trembled on the edge of breaking as her lips pressed against mine.

When I came back to myself, I was lying on the beach.

Matts parents showed up the next day around lunch.

Matt had apparently been missing since last night. They were worried about him because he hadn't been acting like himself lately. He hadn't been eating well, his sleep had been fitful, and they had often woken to find him gone in the night. Matt's father had found him on our beach many times, curled up in the sand, and they had hoped they would find him here today.

My parents said they hadn't seen him, and I said the same. It wasn't a lie; I hadn't seen him after all. I had seen the girl, the beautiful moonchild, but any thought of my friend had fled my mind after that. They left to see the Sheriff, and Mom bemoaned the luck. She asked if I was sure I hadn't seen him last night, but I said I hadn't. After lunch, I went up to take a nap.

I wanted to be fresh for her tonight.

I met with her every night that week. I came out after sundown to find her sprawled on the beach waiting for me. We talked for hours, locked in each other's eyes. Her face was the most beautiful face I had ever seen, and she seemed to hang on my every word. Thinking back, I don't think she spoke all that much. She wanted to hear about my old life, new friends, hobbies, books I read, and anything else that mattered to me. She always left at sunrise, kissing me and leaving me dazed and confused.

In town, Matts's disappearance was big news. Ther Sheriff had talked to us a few times, wondering if any of us had seen him. The state police were searching everywhere, every friend he'd ever had, anyone he may have come into contact with, and every place he might have been was searched and searched again. Knowing him to be a swimmer, they were sending divers to comb ocean, but their hopes were low of finding him if he'd gone into the water.

I was in a daze. My waking thoughts were of the girl, the lovely girl, and when I would see her again. Kyle tried to get me to come looking for Matt with them, but I was always too tired. Mom wanted to take me school shopping, but school just didn't interest me. I was in love, I was in lust, and I wanted nothing but my porcelain goddess forever.

My haze held, until the day they found Matt.

Kyle came slamming into my room, rousing me from sleep, and saying we had to go.

"What? Kyle, it's too early, I want to sleep."

"It's twelve-thirty, dude. Get up and come with me."

He threw clothes at me as I sat groggily in bed.

"What's your damage, man? Why the sudden rush?"

"We found Matt."

My blood ran cold.

"You found Matt?"

"What's left of him. Stewart went to get the Sheriff, and Roger is staying with the body. I need you to come to say your goodbyes before the media circus hits; if you even want to say goodbye."

I pulled the shirt on, glaring at him owlishly, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Kyle glared at me, "Your acting just like him before he disappeared. You don't want to hang out, you don't even want to help us look for your friend, so I'm assuming that you already knew he was missing."

I started to get angry, "I don't like what you're insinuating."

"You seemed like a good guy when you first moved to town, but now I'm not sure. You know something, maybe not all of it, but you know something. Now either come with me or don't, but either way, its the last time I want to see you."

I got dressed and followed him.

Matt, it turned out, had washed up on the beach about five miles from my house. Well, what was left of him had washed up. His arms and legs were picked over stumps. His eyes and nose were gone, ditto his lips and ears. If he hadn't still been wearing the T-shirt that Roger had given him for his birthday the year before, no one would have known it was him. He was a torso and picked over head now. When we got there, Stewart and Roger were nearby, and both were crying. The Sheriff had shunted the two boys away, and when we approached, he raised a hand to stop us.

"No closer, boys. I appreciate you finding the body, but I need you to stand back."

Kyle told the Sheriff how they had found the body while riding along the road.

"We were going to the corner store when we saw him. We thought he was a dolphin that had washed up until we saw the T-shirt. That's when we went to get you."

The ambulance came and took his body away. I remember looking at him under that white sheet and still being able to see his eyeless face. I realized I had been living in a cloud this whole time. I needed to find out what had happened that night, and only one other person would know.

After dark, I went to find her.

She lay waiting for me, the same as always, but when I didn't sit, she seemed worried.

"What's wrong Handsome? You seem upset."

I took a deep breath, "What happened to Matt the night we met?

"Who?" she asked, but her voice didn't seem right.

"My friend Matt. I think you'd been talking to him just like this before he died. I think he went into the water after you that night, and now his body is sitting in the morgue, half-eaten."

I took a step back from her.

"Handsome," she said sweetly, "I don't know who this person is. Why don't you come sit down, and you can tell me all about them?"

She patted the sand, and for a moment, I saw a hand the color of algae.

I saw a hand with webbed fingers.

She must have noticed because the hand was normal again just that fast.

I took another step back.

"Why did you save him all those years ago? Why did you save him from drowning if you were just going to kill him?"

She looked down, her hair making a sheet in front of her face, "He wasn't ready yet."

That sent a shiver through me.

"Ready? Ready for what?"

When she looked back up, her face had changed. Her eyes were like onyx stones. Her nose had become a snake's slits. Her teeth were rows of sewing needles, and her grin looked ready to split her full, rotted lips. The dress wasn't a dress. It was her shimmering scales, and as she moved, I could see a tail like a carp attached to her.

Her whispery voice was now like a hook dragged across a rock.

"We needed his seed. Our men are gone. There is no one to hunt for us. We must make more. We must create the next generation."

My feet were moving backward now, "You killed him for his...his..."

"We needed his seed. We needed his meat. Once we were done, we gave him back." she said, her teeth fixed in a grizzly grin.

"I don't want to see you anymore." I said, "You're not the person I thought you were."

I was twelve feet away, but I heard her final words on the subject.

"You cannot turn from me, boy. I swim in your veins now. You cannot deny me any more than he could."

She was right. Even as I walked away, wanting to run, I felt my feet trying to go back to her. I had to make myself go inside. I had to make myself go up to my room. I had to make myself close the curtains and try to resist the urge to go back down to the beach.

Writing this has helped, but I can't stop thinking about her even with my mind distracted. She is never a monster in my memories. When I think of her, she is always the porcelain moonchild that met with me on the beach. She is always the sweet girl whose lips were sweeter still. She is always the subject of my infatuation.

I have peeked out my window several times.

She's out on the rock, sitting on the throne, singing to me.

Her song is for me alone, and I know that I will go to her despite my best efforts.

Even now, I feel like a swim.

Even now, I feel myself wanting to swim to her.

Even now, I feel myself wanting to see what she would show me in the deeps.