Imaginary Fiend

Dearest Diary,

My name is Lily Powell. It’s time I told my story in the hopes that when my dead body is found, someone will finally believe me. No one has ever believed me before… and maybe I’m a little optimistic that my death will prove I’m not crazy, but it’s the only thing keeping my hands from trembling as I set out to tell you what my life has been like.

It all began when I was four years old. Just over two decades have passed since then, yet I can remember it all as clearly as if it happened only yesterday. The day that Lolli came into my life, I believed it was the beginning of life-long happiness. I had no idea how wrong I was. Who is Lolli? Well… she was my imaginary friend, before she became much more…

Let me start at the beginning. I was a very lonesome child growing up. My parents insisted upon keeping me at home because they lived in fear of the dangers in our modern world, and now I can’t help laughing bitterly at the fact that caging me up in the safety of home is what will end my life prematurely. I was so desperate for a friend I couldn’t help creating my own. Lolli began as little more than a wish. Then I began to think up what she would look like and eventually began to draw her in sketchbooks as I got older. My mother often told me that I was a natural born artist. So I drew Lolli to make her look like a little lolita doll with curly brown hair and silver eyes. It didn’t take long until she leaped off the page.

The moment I could interact with Lolli we became instant friends and I confided my every secret and painful memory stored in my heart and mind. Lolli became my closest confidant and my dearest friend, almost a sister. I was no longer alone, and I felt truly happy for the first time in my life.

The first problem came when Lolli realized she wasn't truly real. No one else could see or hear her, and it hurt. I was hurt by it too, I wanted to share my greatest friend with the world, but I couldn't. We mourned our lost hopes for almost a month before we found a way to perk ourselves back up.

I had been going to school for almost a year when Loli was little more than a wish, and summer break was right around the corner after she and I realized she was only imaginary. Surprising Lolli with the news that we could spend all day every day together for three months finally brought her smile back and we celebrated with hide and seek and many other games that we came up with ourselves.

The summer after first grade was the best time of my life. Running around in the back yard with Lolli, drawing, dancing, playing, we had the time of our lives… and it’s a shame it was only for three months.

Lolli was confused when I told her that I had to go back to school. “You said you were done with that awful place, what about summer?” she had asked me with her hands on her hips, her bottom lip quivering as tears rolled down from her silver eyes.

“I’m sorry Lolli,” I had responded. “I don’t want to go back, but my parents are forcing me. I even asked if I could be homeschooled, they said no.”

The argument raged on for days, a screaming match as volatile as a forest fire doused in gasoline. Lolli stopped talking to me for the first week I was in second grade. I cried myself to sleep every night, desperate for her to come back. All I wanted was my friend.

And then she did. Lolli did come back. She crawled into bed next to me and we held each other close as we cried together. “I forgive you,” she had said. It took me years to realize exactly what she had meant.

Time went on, and it seemed as though everything was okay. Lolli and I weren’t completely back to normal, but we had stopped yelling at each other and she was always waiting for me when I came home. We were happy again, however strained that happiness may have been, we were still happy. Yet again, the happiness didn’t last.

All the time I was spending at school resulted in me forming a couple of friendships. My childhood friends Kayla and Alyssa were outcasts like me. They were smiley and sweet, they didn’t like the idea that odd people like me should be ignored. So we became friends, and it was us three against the world. I’m sure it’s already obvious but I’ll say it anyway. Lolli did not like that she had to share me with people who belonged to a world she could not truly be part of, and that led to what we had both believed was impossible.

Lolli was sitting on my bed waiting for me as I came home after school, ready to pack a bag for my first sleepover. The smile I had on my face disappeared the moment I saw her tears. “You’re leaving me…” she had said, her voice was a whisper of wind. “Am I really not good enough anymore? Are they better than me?”

I tried to convince Lolli that I loved her best, that she was my best friend and that no one mattered to me as much as she did. She claimed that she understood, that she could accept me having a life outside of her, on one condition. I had to stay home that night. I agreed without any argument and we snuggled up in bed the way we used to. It was heaven, going to sleep next to my best friend, knowing that she was finally happy, knowing that I could have Lolli without losing Kayla and Alyssa, knowing that I could keep all of my friends. I was shamefully naive.

That night I was woken up by Lolli. She gently shook me until I woke up and turned to face her, covered in blood from head to toe. Lolli looked as though she had bathed in blood. The smile on her face has never left my nightmares. She was delighted with the blood all over her, she was thrilled with her crossing into reality even further, and she clearly enjoyed her first two kills. Almost laughing, she confessed that she had killed Kayla and Alyssa, that she had somehow gained the ability to interact with the real world around her and she used that newfound power to destroy the usurpers in our lives, the plague that threatened to tear us apart.

The next morning the murders of my two friends were all over the news. They had been butchered, their skin and organs were slashed to ribbons, their eyes had been torn out of their heads, every single one of their bones had been broken at least once. Lolli had not killed them, she had obliterated them, and worst of all, Lolli had enjoyed every last second.

As much as I loved Lolli, as much as I still love her even after everything she has done, I could not forgive what she did to Kayla and Alyssa, and I told her as much right after I watched the news. Lolli did not scream at me, she didn’t try to hurt me, she didn’t do anything for a minute. Then she laughed, a cold, cruel, venomous, yet child-like laugh. “I wanna play one last game,” she said and tugged on my hair. “Hide and seek. You hide… I’ll count to twenty… and when I’m done counting, you’ll go to sleep…” she leaned forward and whispered in my ear. “Forever.”

Before I could ask what she meant, try to defend myself, or anything else, Lolli disappeared with a cackle that still haunts me to this day. I was eight years old, and I began counting down the seconds until my death.

Twenty minutes went by… and nothing happened.

Twenty hours passed as always… and there was no sign of Lolli.

Twenty days… and I was still alive.

Twenty what?! I kept asking myself, and then it finally came to me. She wanted me to live for twenty years, to be plagued by the loss of my best friend, to fear the inevitable end that I could never escape.

I tried to just live my life, afterall, she had given me a count of twenty, right? I could pretend until I was twenty eight. Maybe get married and run away before she killed me off. But no, every time I dated someone for longer than a month, they would die.

I have been arrested three times in my life because men and women alike have died and had some kind of connection to me, but no one could find any evidence linking me to the crime because I didn’t do it… Lolli did.

I’m twenty eight now. My time is up, and I know it. Lolli wants me dead, and she has a right to get vengeance. I abandoned her. This is my fault.

Yours even in death, Dearest Diary,

Lily Powell.

Lily shut the little book she had been writing in and took a deep breath before turning to face her oldest friend and enemy. Lolli had grown since the last time they saw each other. Her hair was still a mess of crazy doll-like curls, and her eyes were still a bright silver, but she was much taller, far more womanly. She was beautiful. “Hello again, Lily,” she purred.

“Hello to you too Lolli,” Lily responded and crossed her arms under her bust. “Are you finally here to kill me? To end everything?” She asked, ready to face the end.

Lolli nodded with a joyous smile on her face. “Of course I am Lily, I made a promise after all!” She answered. “But that doesn't mean we can't enjoy one another's company one last time.”

Lily narrowed her eyes at Lolli. “I thought you wanted me dead, do you have second thoughts?”

The cutesy laughter that worked it's way out of Lolli's throat was all the answer Lily needed. “Of course I don't have any second thoughts. You hurt me Lily, and I can't forgive that. But that shouldn't mean that I don't love you.”

For a moment, Lily wanted to argue that point with Lolli and tell her that you can't love someone you aren't able to forgive, but they had a complicated bond. Lily may die tonight once Lolli was done with the pleasantries, but the truth of the matter is that Lolli was everything to Lily for four years of her life, and in two decades she had yet to remove the imprint on her heart left by her no-longer Imaginary friend. And even though Lily had not and could not forgive Lolli, she couldn't deny the fact that she loved Lolli too.

“I can't forgive you either Lolli,” she admitted and took a step closer, uncrossing her arms. “But even twenty years of pain and anger can't make me stop loving you.”

The two girls stood only a foot apart from each other and could not tear their eyes away from each other. Lolli spoke first, hesitant and fearful for the first time in her life. “I don't regret killing the nuisances that came between us. But I do apologize for the pain it caused you.” She admitted and reached her hand out. “It was never my intention to hurt you… until you hurt me…”

Lily sighed and took hold of Lolli's hand with her own. “I'm sorry that I can't forgive you, Lolli. I wish I could let it go. That I could see your point of view and laugh it all away… but I can't.”

It was silent again for a minute as Lolli's eyes began to water. “Why can't you? They were tearing us apart, I didn't have a choice!” Lolli cried and gripped Lily's hand tighter. “Why can't you see that everything I've done has been for you?!”

As Lolli's eyes began to turn burn, the color switching from moonlight silver to crimson, Lilly reached up and placed a hand on her cheek comfortingly. “I suppose it just can't be done. Would it make any difference?” Lily asked. “If I told you right now that I forgive you and that I will let it go, would you change your mind about killing me?”

Lolli's eyes calmed and she sighed before shaking her head. “No… I can't trust you to stay with me. I can't trust that you will truly forgive me.”

“Then you understand why I can't forgive you,” Lily told her oldest friend, pulling her into a hug. “Even though I love you.”

The two girls relaxed into the loving embrace. They held onto each other with the knowledge that this would likely be the last hug they ever shared. And just as they were about to let go of each other, Lily and Lolli gazed deeply into one another's eyes before leaning into each other and sharing a chaste kiss. “I'm sorry Lily,” the former imaginary entity declared as she reached her hand into Lily's chest and squeezed her heart.

The 28 year old girl that had spent over half her life in fear of her death, finally left the world by means of the only gentle death Lolli could gift her with.

Lolli stood over Lily's dead body with tears in her eyes as her skin shimmered and blurred. This was it. This would be her end. She was fading away…

But she didn't fade. She could feel more than ever before. Her skin stopped glowing, she could no longer float, and everything just seemed to be… more…

“Maybe we were meant to stay together after all…” Lolli heard Lily's voice in her head.

Lolli wrapped her arms around herself. “Now you're mine forever!” She declared with a triumphant smile. With that, she took her favorite knife out of her pocket and flipped it open with a laugh. “Now let me show you what it means to have fun my way!”