On the first night of my captivity, the moon was full and the sound of waves crashing on the rocks that surrounded this prison was deafening. The ropes that bound my arms together created welts and scars that resembled burns.
You taught me not to be a coward but I will not lie to you and tell you that I am not afraid. I miss the warmth of our home, I miss the overwhelming smell of the pines that lay in front of our yard… Though by the time you receive this, it might be too late.
All track of time has been lost, I barely recognize myself when I look in the mirror. He has marked my face just as he’s marked my wrists to the point of irreversibility. I’ve lost a finger but luckily it was my left pinky because I never liked that one anyway. He feeds me things I told myself I am forbidden to eat like swine and roaches of the sea.
“You haven’t touched your pork, my dear,” he said concerningly.
I sat there in silence as my limbs began to tingle with the fear that he would continue to mark my face no matter how I responded.
“Well, are you going to say something, my dear?”
“I told you I’m vegan,” I responded.
Slamming his hand on the table shattering every piece of glass the frame of the table held, he yelled “I don’t care what you think you are, you will do as I say” as blood dripped from his hand. Too anguished to feel the sharp pains of the shards of glass that dug into the webs of his hands.
After that incident, I was forced to eat on the floor out of a bowl with no utensils like I was a dog, and even after all this mistreatment, I couldn’t hate this man because he reminds me of you. I don’t even know his first name but he reads me bedtime stories, buys me flowers, and watches movies with me, and in these moments it feels like we were never strangers... As if we’ve known each other our whole lives.
There’s never a night where I’m not awakened by a nightmare. In the midst of all the madness of this weird house, I still find a sense of beauty in it. You know how much I love floor-to-ceiling windows and gratefully, the man who’s been holding me captive just so happens to have them.
Every morning that I wake, I stand at the windows and watch the waves. There's even a little balcony that I sometimes go out on when it's not too cold. Sometimes when I go out there I see him killing, whether it be people or animals. Sometimes he shows them mercy with a single blow to the head while other times there is no remorse. I've seen him do things like ripping their fingernails off one by one or... I can't even bring myself to say the rest of the things that I've witnessed, but I've become numb to it all.
"Why didn't he kill me like the rest of them?" I say to myself when I see him do these things.
I try to listen for cars nearby but all I'm left with is the loudest silence or sound of the wind and the waves... or the sound of screams. I begin to think if I were to escape, would I even be able to continue on with life.
I often wonder what would happen if I jumped. I liked to imagine that I would grow wings and begin to soar above the water and become free from this bondage.
But I can't keep wondering Daddy, I want to fly.