Finding Fitzgerald

The cabin in the woods had been abandoned for years, but one night, a candle burned in the window…

That’s the first time Kizzy stopped in her tracks that night. An eerie feeling sent chills down her spine told her it would not be the last time. No one should be in that house, not at this hour. Everyone in her small town home of Springfield, Louisiana went to bed at 10:30pm. There were no street lights and the woods got so dark at night, you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face. The only reason Kizzy dared venture out in the great black woods was because tonight was a full moon and Mercury was in retrograde. She needed to do a trauma release ritual underneath the iconic full moon right at 11:11pm that night.

See, Kizzy did weird things like full moon release rituals because she’s on “an ascension journey.” This is the cover story told to her small minded, small town, old fashioned bible thumping neighbors and family. In reality, Kizzy knew that she was a purebred, Louisiana lineage bayou witch. She knew when she started seeing ghosts at 9 years old that her abilities put her in a different realm than her “plain ole people” peers. The spirits dictated that she go and connect in the woods the very same terrain her ancestors were buried in order to harvest their power.

As she forced her daze back from the cabin to the moon, the light from the abandoned cabin grew stronger. This time, the luminescence shined bright as if there were multiple lights beaming. In the distance, she heard wind chimes echo from the front porch of what this town once knew as Fitzgerald’s place. She didn’t bother going closer toward the sounds because she wanted nothing to do with whatever was coming from that cabin. He’d been dead for twenty years.

As she forced her stare back at the moon, her dastardly dog named Janie zipped by and darted straight for the cabin Kizzy was dying to ignore.

“Janie cut it out and get back over here!”

As always, her pesky pup ignored her. Kizzy scrambled to catch up to Janie’s leash to no avail. By the time she caught up to Janie, the dog was perched sitting in front of the steps to the cabin.

“Janie, you get back here right now.” Janie tilted her head to the side in innocent dog confusion. The burning blaze of light from the cabin reflected through the puppy’s eyes. It had grown stronger. Kizzy was so afraid to look up for fear the cabin was on fire.

She made a desperate grab for Janie’s leash just in time as the light stopped flickering. In an instant, the high blaze burning from the candle in the cabin window shut out and darkness covered the premises. Kizzy only made it a couple steps backwards with Janie’s leash before the candle light burned again.

Like magic, the candle sparked flame and the only thing visible all around them was this little light. The wind chimes in the distance rang out once more and suddenly another light shined in the back of the cabin.

“Whoa, Janie, let's go come, now! NOW!” Kizzy exclaimed as she dragged the dog by her leash. Once again, Janie had turned and sat at attention facing the house. The sweat from Kizzy’s palms must have lubricated the leash and cost her control. Janie tugged in the instant of the slip and darted straight inside the cabin.

“Nooo!” Janie ran and mis-stepped in the direction of the dog. Before she knew it the desperate dog scramble landed her right back at the front steps of the cabin. This time the light was on in the back and the front door swung open off the hinges.

Kizzy made her way up the steps in petrified horror. Once inside, the mid-summer night heat quickly dropped in temperature by a solid 30 degrees.

“Janie!” she whispered from behind clenched and clattering teeth. She made baby steps forward watching the floorboards carefully while warming her bare arms.

Something didn’t feel right. Magic had been in her family for 90 years starting with her grandmother. This feeling, she knew what she didn’t want to know. This frigid cold meant there was a ghost in this place.

Suddenly, she felt a push in the middle of her back that caused her to tumble forward. As she attempted to pivot to identify the source of her attack, she lost balance and tumbled over onto the dust filled floorboards. In the dust haze she got a glimpse of her attacker.

It was a man in a long black trench coat, with buttons down each side, in a fedora hat, black everything. She desperately tried to blink through the smoke and follow her assailant’s trail but she could no longer see him. She saw the tail end of his coat disappear and in his place flew a mockingbird.

Kizzy squirmed backwards across the floor until her back hit the wall. She desperately tried to find the man dressed in all black like the omen but she didn’t see a soul. Only this strange, peculiar mockingbird with cold black eyes similar to the man who stood in its place only seconds prior.

A spell-binding chill traveled down her spine before she could release her gasp, the front door was slammed shut and the mockingbird flew through the front window. Kizzy slowly moved along the wall aiming for the back of the cabin where Janie ran. Too afraid to take her eyes off the front door, she felt her way back about ten steps before reaching the threshold of one of the cabin bedrooms. This is where she saw the light coming from the hallway earlier.

Keeping her back to the wall and eyes on the front door, she eased into the lit bedroom.

In a frantic whisper she turned and called for Janie. No jingle of the leash or collar was within ear shot. Of all the days, this was not it to forget her home training. When she looked around the room, in front of the bedroom mirror was the same mockingbird. Hovering in mid-air, staring back and forth from Kizzy to its own reflection.

Kizzy froze in her tracks. The bird turned and flew in her direction, getting so close she could feel the wind of his wing flapping right above her third eye. The wing flaps grew stronger and louder, causing Kizzy to protect her head with her arms folded above herself to shield the sharp wing tips. The mocking bird turned in the other direction, spun in a circle and a new cloud of dust revealed the man dressed in black once more. This man had morphed from the mocking bird. In the front, Kizzy thought her mind was playing tricks on her. Now, she knew for sure she wasn’t bugging.

“My dear, my dear, my dear! Why do you fear me so?” a mysterious, yet familiar voice rang out from the strange man’s mouth.

He looked at Kizzy with a puzzled look, his nose as long as a bird beak and his lips thin and crackled. His skin was gray, pale and sagging. His eyes, round hollow and as mysteriously black as his attire.

Kizzy had heard about shape shifters and believed that truth was always stranger than fiction on this big floating space rock we call earth. She breathed for the first time in this encounter and let out a deep sigh.

“Sir, I don’t mean no harm, I just need to get my dog out of here.” she explained as calmly and rationally as possible.

“Oh you mean that dog?” Mr. Mockingbird inquired and motioned his arm toward the window to the side yard. There, Janie sat watching from outside. Kizzy made her way towards the back door when the door immediately in front of her was slammed shut.

“Oh, not so fast Miss Kizzy.” said Mr. Mockingbird. “You out here looking for trauma release huh, ain't you?”

Kizzy turned back from the slammed door toward the direction of his voice.

“Sir, I don’t mean any harm by being on your property, I see my dog, I just need to get out of here.” Kizzy pleaded.

“Oh I’m not in the business of housing hostages. I just meet people where they are. It looks to me like you was out looking to release trauma.”

He’d made his way back toward the mirror attached to the top of an old chifforobe.

“Come on over here so I can help you on your way.” Mr. Mockingbird said.

Kizzy knew in her heart the only way out was through compliance. Mr. Mockingbird had not tried to hurt her yet. Strange otherworldly deities, from what she knew, didn’t have a habit of dilly dallying. He meant what he said and part of her knew this day would come.

He motioned for her to join him side by side in the mirror. She took the hardest five steps of her life, growing more fearful with each inch closer. He motioned for her to look in the mirror and slowly she turned.

In the mirror were five birds hovering in the air on the other side. A hummingbird zipped around frantically as if trapped in a five dimensional snow globe. Next to the hummingbird was a huge black buzzard, the wind gusts from his wing span nearly spinning the hummingbird in a typhoon. Behind the buzzard flew a bright red cardinal singing the most beautiful high pitched song in between the sonic booms of the buzzard flaps. In the far right corner of the mirror was a regal and strong blue jay. It sat perched on a tree stump admiring the cardinal above it. Suddenly, Mr. Mockingbird stepped into the mirror transforming instantly into a mocking bird. He hovered in the middle- center of all these other birds and his voice rang out from the other side of the mirror.

Clearly as when he stood next to Kizzy, he began to narrate the story of “the five demons you meet in hell.”

“Kizzy, please welcome me in introducing you to the five demons you meet in hell.” Mr. Mockingbird narrated.

“Am I dead?” Kizzy asked the mirror.

“No, not nearly.” Mr. Mockingbird replied from his bird state behind the mirror. “Let me introduce you.”

“Here the hummingbird represents, Impatience your self-wound. You see yourself as a hummingbird. Small, beautiful, well-traveled, hardworking, graceful. However, in your desperate journey to suckle pollen, you forget to ever look at the flowers. Your wings are so busy flapping that you can’t hear any other sounds. You’re unaware of the beautiful love between the cardinals, the constant warnings of the mocking birds and the impending doom of the buzzard hovering above.”

“The buzzard represents Injustice, this is your primary caregiver wound. You feel as if your whole life has been unfair. Starting right on down to the people who were supposed to love you most. Let it go, you’re picking at the dead. Buzzards can only feed off of the dead. Leave it and let nature run its course.”

“The red cardinal represents Infidelity, which is your mother's wound. Beautiful and noticed by all, the red bird sings great songs that entice every species. Knowing and recognizing true love is her greatest challenge of all. Your journey contains so many lessons of discernment as a highly desired woman. Each time you see the red cardinal you are reminded of the power of your beauty and the sanctity of your love.”

“The Blue Jay represents Invalidation, this is your father wound and secondary caregiver wound. Your entire life, you have been cast off and put to the side. Sometimes because you’re a girl. Sometimes because you're left handed. Sometimes because you weren’t so great at sports. Sometimes because you weren’t so great at being a rule breaker. Your voice has been invalidated. Your opinion has been invalidated, but now folks are starting to listen and take notice. Learn today that your feelings are what make your presence on this earth felt. Don’t waste another second trying to convince folks that won’t listen to you. Never bite the ear that hears you. Remember that and you will be healed.”

“Me, the mockingbird, I represent Insecurity, your soulmate wound. All your life, you have been on some sort of receiving end of criticism and ridicule to the point where you aren’t sure what you’re good at or how you’re valued or if you’re even liked. Understand that even the mockingbird has an important place in the animal kingdom. Your naysayers are your mirror reflection of your evolutionary pace. The bigger you grow, the louder the mocking becomes. The louder the mocking becomes, the further you are from being pecked. Each mockingbird loses sight of their target once in the company of another mockingbird. They end up talking to one another rather than mocking the target. So it’s okay if a flock of mockingbirds surround you. Remember it’s just noise and the larger you grow, the more they find community within themselves. It only costs you mental fortitude and a stomach for mocking bird symphonies.”

Just like that, the mirror cleared and Kizzy saw only herself reflected back on the other side. Janie barked from outside and she heard the wind chimes jingle in the distance. The bedroom door swung open and Kizzy darted out the back door. She wasn’t scared, she just understood the assignment.

She had met all of her trauma demons and recognized the symbols and the form they take. Now, she knows exactly where to be for the next full moon in Mercury Retrograde.