Dreamer Sphere

I am walking alone. I realize that I am always alone in situations where I wish I had someone. The silence of being alone is deafening. I would say I’m normally a quiet girl, therefore, the silence is usually peaceful to me. Here on the other hand, the silence isn’t peaceful. It is darker and eerie. Yet, remembering how I ended up here is the hardest part. I don’t remember where I was or what I was doing. I am unsure what time it is. I am scared. I feel like I should remember something, anything.

Looking around there is no sun as a source of light, no sounds to keep my direction in check, and no ground beneath my feet. It is just emptiness. I begin to walk and nothing changes. The ground is still the same, the sky, or lack thereof is still black. The only noise ringing through my ears is the sound of my heartbeat going exceptionally fast. By this point, I have walked a mile and still, nothing has shown up. I am unable to calculate the time since I have no idea how or when I showed up here. This place seems deserted; but what is this place? I need to figure out a way to get home to safety. Whatever this place is, it is not safe. I stand in the darkness trying to convince myself this isn’t real and it’s a test to show what I am capable of. I breathe in and out. I reassure myself as my heart rate becomes slow and steady.

I hear noises, however, cannot seem to find where they are coming from, nor make out what they are saying. I scream for someone to come running to my rescue, but no one shows. The sounds echo off the emptiness leaving me with a violent ringing in my ears. The pounding in my headaches enough to send me to the ground. I braced for the impact of the ground connecting with my knees. There was a voice that whispered in my ear, “sink or swim.” I finally understood that it’s a test. It was either keep running and never know the truth or, accept the defeat and give in. This place runs off of my thoughts and my fears. I thought it would be best to give in; hopping for a way out. My body melted into the darkness beneath me. It was frightening. Think of it as a sphere, I was on one end of this place, only to be pushed through the core to the other side.

I am exactly how I was on the other side, crouched on my knees, my hands in my hair cradling my head from the past ringing that swept through my ears. I stood back up on my own two feet, slightly wobbly from whatever moved me to this side. A slight breeze rushed over my body, whipping through my wavy hair. It was cold, enough to make me shiver, and that saying something since I'm from Maine. The cold shouldn't bother me, yet this was a different cold, a brutal one at that.

Something was holding me towards the ground. It seemed like a warning. I screamed, “I need to know,” and was let go. I moved one foot and began my journey of finding a way out. I look around and there is nothing around me. My body aches with fear. There is no one here with me, however, with paranoia comes voices you cannot make out what they are saying. I'm walking, searching, then there are footsteps following me. They are soft, maybe a young person who is just as lost as I am? I think my mind is just playing tricks on me. Then, they become louder and louder like they are running straight towards me. Sending me into shock my heart races and my feet glued to the ground. I am unsure what to do in this situation. Every scary movie would tell me to scream and run, but every heroic movie would tell me to stand my ground and fight.

Without hesitating, I turn around and there's nothing but darkness around me. I blink, rub my eyes and then the impossible happens. I am not in the same place I was before; trees are all around me. I hear branches swaying in the wind while the leaves hit the dark dirt beneath my feet. I guess this was better than before. The moon is the only source of light, leaving my eyes to adjust to the darkness and the extent of the forest I am secluded in. The moon was beautiful. I have never seen an orange full moon. It was so close I thought I could reach out and grab it. I’ve drawn this place before. How could it be real?

It became eerie with fog and the temperature is bitter leaving me to shiver just like before. Then I hear it. The footsteps again. As I turn around something hits my leg. I know what you're thinking; I am one of those girls in the forest, scared, tripping over nothing. This is usually when the girl gets taken by a monster, man, or beast. Great, I am in my very own horror movie. Unbalanced, I crawl to a tree trunk to regain my motions. My hand gets cut on a branch sticking out from the trunk. I pay no attention to my wounds, as they aren’t that important now. My safety is. I investigated the world around me to see an escape route.

There was no escape unless I wanted to run deeper into the forest at night. A noise creeps from behind me giving me goosebumps. What could it be? Better question, what couldn't it be here? The next thing to happen petrified me. I stopped dead in my tracks from the fear coursing through my blood. It was like a drug that paralyzes my body from my toes to my fingertips, yet kept my heart beating out of my chest from fear. What was that? There was no need to keep questioning myself because it was now eye-to-eye with me.

The eyes were bright green with a glistening silver inside. I was awestruck. I didn't feel the need to be scared. It was more of a feeling of being intrigued and curious. I tried to move back away from it but hit the tree. It moved closer to me; its breath warm. We were still eye-to-eye, and I didn’t know if I could move around it and run away. My fight or flight instincts kicked in. I counted in my head to get ready to run, to get away from it. Yet, a feeling deep inside my heart said to run through it. That I must go through my fear to escape. Once I counted “two” it leaped right into me. Right through me.

Jolting up quickly, I had to figure out where I was. If I was still, there or not. My heart was beating faster than it normally did when I had nightmares. The problem was this was the fifteenth time I have had that same dream. It is never different; never one moment off from the last dream. Except for this one. I always run around it, as far away as I can get. This time the beast wanted me to become one with it. It wanted me to know the truth. To this day I have never been able to figure out what it was the leaps towards me and goes through me. Maybe one of these nights, I’ll actually understand why I am having the same dream over and over again. Let's be honest, there has to be a reason for a reoccurring nightmare.

If Google were to tell me anything it would be, “Your unconscious mind is telling to address your problems in the real world.” It also tells me that it is known to happen for a whole lifetime and in the most stressful of times. I would hardly say I am stressed aside from the fact it is senior year and I am taking way too many classes for comfort. This morning is different from all the others. I usually feel defeated, as I will never know the truth behind these dreams. Today, I feel awakened and strong. I am finally able to see that I am not just a quiet girl who runs from problems, but I am a strong girl who is able to ask questions and get answers, even in sticky situations.

There was a loud knock on my bedroom door that made me jump still scared by the recurring dream, followed by Anna yelling, "Emily, it's time to get up. You don't want to be late." Every morning is the same routine. Nightmare, Anna knocking, Breakfast, and a slight pat on the shoulder with a saying “Make them proud.”