Deathbed Confessional

The traffic on the way to work was brutal. I thought for certain I’d be late, but somehow I had been in luck. I arrived at work with two minutes to spare, all thanks to me leaving eighteen minutes early instead of ten I suppose. I strolled into work as a warm rain had begun to fall that night. That much I remember for certain. I clocked in and entered the elevator, heading up for the hospice floor.

After receiving my report and the day nurses had gone home, I began my rounds. I was one of four nurses working the floor the night it started. I gave my usual sweet smile to each of my patients. Some of them smiled back, others were too weak or too high on pain meds to notice I even existed. I recall that I had stopped by 23H to poke in on Mr. Lewis, a patient we had had for nearly three and a half months now.

I waved from the doorway and he dropped the newspaper into his lap, a big smile glued on his face as he waved me in. “Roberta, my darling, get in here!” he shouted excitedly. I chuckled as I walked in, absentmindedly playing with the locket I usually wore around my neck.

“Evening, Mr. Lewis, how are you feeling today?” I asked as I checked his oxygen levels. “Looks like you’re doing pretty well today.”

He adjusted the cannula in his nose, itching at his mustache. “I’m doing a hell of a lot better now you’re here, Roberta,” he said sweetly. I rolled my eyes playfully and tapped his shoulder.

“You know I’m spoken for, Mr. Lewis!” I replied teasingly. “I keep telling you to call me Robbie.” He wagged his finger at me that same cheerful smile still on his face.

“Then how about you call me Jamie then, huh?” I giggled at him and nodded my head.

“Sounds good, Jamie,” I said cheerfully, making my way towards the door. “I’ve gotta finish my rounds, but I’ll come back with your medications soon.”

“Don’t keep me waiting,” Jamie said as I walked out. I remember leaving that room with a toothy grin on my face. He and I had grown close over the last few weeks, which was probably unwise considering he’d only been given perhaps nearly five months left to live. I finished my rounds, made some marks on various charts.

Later into the evening, after meals had been served up to the patients in their rooms, the other nurses and myself divided up who would be passing who’s pills for the night. I grabbed the pills I needed and stepped out of the nurse’s station. I saved Jamie’s room for last, knowing he’d want to chat my ear off as the medications slowly knocked him out. Tonight was definitely one of his better nights.

Sometimes, he’d just sleep through the whole shift, not even waking up to eat. When I quietly entered his room, he was holding something in his hands, his face drooping with a frown.

“Jamie?” I said softly causing him to jump and shove the item in his hands beneath his pillow. “I have your pills.” I showed him the clear medicine cup of his pills.

He gave me a soft faux smile, holding his hands out. I walked over to him, sitting on the edge of his bed as he took his pills. He sucked down his water, making a sour face as the pills went down. Jamie rested his head back against the pillow, his eyes strangely glassed over.

“Robbie,” he said in a soft whisper, extending his hand out to me. I took his hand carefully in mine, sitting at his bedside. “I need to confess something before you go tonight.” I nodded my head, resting my chin in my free hand.

“Of course, Jamie. What is it?”

“I did a terrible thing a long time ago…and I want to tell someone about it…before it’s too late. I killed someone.” My eyes widened in surprise. A nervous chuckle escaped my lips as I tried to decipher whether or not he was pulling my leg.

“Like in a war? Is that what you mean, Jamie?” He shook his head, his eyes growing droopy.

“A man. Went by the name Joey back in my day…he was a good man,” Jamie’s voice wavered in and out with sleep. His meds were beginning to take affect.

“J-Joey?” I asked, my face surely frozen in shock. I reached out, grasping his arm in my hand as I gave him a soft shake, but he didn't even stir. My heart was pounding in my ears as I rose from my perch beside his bed. I calmly hurried myself down the corridor back to the nurses' station where one of the other night nurses, Cynthia, looked up at me with an expression that quickly evaporated to worried.

"Are you alright?" she asked, her normally strong gravelly voice turned soft with concern. "Robbie, you look like you've seen a ghost or something, hon." I shook my head and forced a smile, bounding to the fridge. I opened my head and hid my face, pretending I was searching for something to eat.

"No, I'm alright," I lied. I reached in and pulled out a squeezable tube of yogurt. "Just a little hungry I suppose." Cynthia raised a brow at me. She knew I was lying and how couldn't she? Surely it had been written all over my face.

"Did one of the residents grab you? Say something? It's gotta be something, Robbie, otherwise you wouldn't be looking whiter than a sheet right now," her voice was one of reason. I shook my head as I opened my yogurt, but I couldn't bring myself to eat it. My appetite was long gone.

I swallowed hard, willing myself to stay as calm as I could. "Jamie said something to me tonight...and it just sorta threw me through a loop I suppose," I admitted, my stomach still churning. Cynthia turned away from her charting on the computer, folding her hands between her knees.

"Alrighty," she said. I could feel her dark chocolate eyes boring into me, seeing through to my overactive nervous system. "What did he say? Was it something inappropriate? Did he scare you? What?" I sighed heavily and forced myself to look up at the ticking clock. I still had a few hours to go.

"He told me he killed someone..." I felt my tongue grow heavy as if lined with lead. "A long time ago he said. Some guy he might've been friends with I guess?" Cynthia nodded her head and leaned back, one hand coming up to stroke her chin as she thought.

"Had you given him his medications?" I nodded my head in response.

"Yeah, but he was already talking about it before the pain medication started in...do you think he could be telling the truth?"

The older nurse sighed heavily and shook her head before looking back at me. "I know you're still fairly new to this field of medicine," she said with a soft voice as if she was hoping none of the other nurses would walk in and catch the whole conversation. "but sometimes these folks can be made a little loopy from their medications. Although, sometimes...they can be telling the truth. A few of the older nurses before my time were calling them 'deathbed confessions.' It's when the older people know their time is coming soon...and they want to share a dark secret with someone they trust before they go."

I nodded my head numbly, unsure of how else to respond. "Do we report it? I mean this crime could've happened years ago."

Cynthia shook her head. "Doesn't do any good, sugar. The police'll come and listen to your story, but to them that's all it is. A story. They can look into the crime, but with how long ago it was and given the fact that our patient could die any day, they won't punish him. No sense putting him in a jail cell if he is going to be leaving in a few days time anyway."

I glanced down at the yogurt in my hand, my appetite without improvement. I tossed it into the trash bin and sat at the computer beside her. "I guess that makes sense..." I trailed off, my mind still trying to wrap my mind around everything. A deathbed confession...what a strange thing and yet, somehow it was true.

Cynthia tapped her hand against my shoulder and I jumped, not realizing I had completely zoned away from her. "Don't think about it," she said with a stern voice. "You don't want to go digging in that man's past, Robbie. You won't like what you find, I can guarantee it."

It didn't surprise me in the least that she'd figured out what I was contemplating. Cynthia always knew when someone was up to something. I sighed heavily and wrung my fingers together fretfully.

"I just can't help thinking about the victim's family. Where are they? Do they miss him? Did his mother have to die not knowing what happened to her son?" Cynthia gave me a worried look and glanced at the clock.

"Maybe it's best you go on home, darling. Come back tomorrow and start fresh, if you can. Otherwise have another nurse take over for your people." I nodded my head slowly and turned to the computer. "What are you doing, honey?" I sighed heavily and put my login into the system.

"Making sure my medications are all marked off. Can't go home and leave a med error for Sheri, can I?" Cynthia hummed a note of approval and turned back to the computer, continuing her documentation.

The next night, I came to work with a faux smile plastered on my face. I had gone home the night before and retold the story of what had happened to my then boyfriend. He had given me the same advice as Cynthia, don't go digging around. I walked onto the floor, received report like it was just another Friday night, and went to complete my rounds.

Sure enough, Jamie was up in bed waiting for me with a grim look. I gave him a little wave and went to walk on by his room, but his voice called out to me and I froze in my tracks. I walked into the room cautiously, still forcing my smile.

"I know I told you, Robbie," he said in a whispered voice. "I told you...about Joey and what I did to him." I glanced back into the hallway and closed his door softly before sitting beside his bed.

"Yes, I recall," I said in a whispered tone. "What I don't understand is why you didn't tell the police back when it all happened."

"I was a black man living with some white friends of mine. How well do you think that would've gone for me? Black fella murdering a white gentleman, one who was a pillar of his community? They'd have hung me right then and there," Jamie looked away from me, the white of his eyes a faded yellow. "I couldn't come forth...it was an accident. Would they have seen it that way? No!"

His eyes were beginning to well up with tears. "Jamie, what happened...?" I asked. I remember feeling ashamed in that moment. Cynthia had warned me against digging up this man's past and here I was, going completely against her.

"Joey and I...we were lovers. I lived under the same roof as his wife, Dottie, and their son, Rupert. I loved that man with a conviction, but of course, I had to remain a dirty secret. I hated it...drove me crazy." He sniffled and wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand.

"Jamie..." I trailed off unsure of how to comfort him. After all, accident or not, he still murdered someone.

"I never could tell Dottie...I couldn't face her. He wanted to tell her about us. He thought she'd be "understanding" and maybe she'd stay married to him and we could be something in the house instead of behind closed doors when she wasn't home, but I knew better. That woman woulda turned me out so fast I wouldn't even know the door had hit me in the ass on the way out!

He looked at me, tears streaming down his heartbroken face. "I did everything I could to talk him out of it, Robbie. I did...but he just wouldn't listen to reason! What else was I suppose to do? Let him tell Dottie and be outed? Be chastised and who knows what else by everyone in town? No! I would've died! I was scared! I had no other choice."

I reached out and took Jamie's hand in mine, giving it a comforting squeeze. "Shhh, Jamie, it's alright," I coaxed. "I understand you were scared. It's okay." Jamie continued to cry, covering his mouth to muffle his sobs as they wracked his body. "Jamie...why are you telling me about Joey?"

Air hissed through his teeth and he looked at me with bloodshot eyes. "Because I'm going to die," he said matter-of-factly. "and I was too much of a coward back then to tell Dottie the truth. Rupert deserves to give his daddy a proper burial. I'm begging you, Robbie...find Joey and bring him home."

My eyes widened and my stomach instantly turned into painful knots. "You want me to do what?" Jamie waved his hand as he sniffled.

"I mean, I want you to tell Rupert and Dottie where I buried Joey. I want them to give him a proper funeral...I never loved another after him. I felt too guilty to love again after what I did. Please, Robbie, please." His soft pleading voice nearly broke my heart and I reached out, placing a gentle hand on his cheek.

"Okay," I found myself saying. Mentally I was cussing myself out, knowing I should've been telling him no. After Jamie had collected himself, I had walked out of his room, his secret weighing heavily on my heart. He didn't speak to me or look at me the rest of the shift, taking his pills without so much as a smirk.

I had scribbled down the address of the house Jamie said he'd been living in with Joey and Dottie, and the next morning, I found myself driving there. My knuckles were white as I drove. The house was far out into the country. It needed a fresh coat of paint and maybe a window or two replaced, but I was there. Jamie said Joey was buried almost beneath a tree beside a creek. He said it had been their special place.

I pulled up the drive and killed the engine. I took a few deep breaths, hoping to calm my nerves before I got out. I stepped onto the rickety porch, each step I took announced by a loud creak. I knocked on the door and waited, chastising myself for being such a fool. When the door opened, an older gentleman stepped into the growing sunlight dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt.

He smiled at me and opened the screen door. "Might I be able to help you with something?" he asked in a soft voice. He smelled of cigarettes and mouthwash.

"Yes, I'm sorry to intrude on you so early, but I was wondering if I could possibly speak to Rupert or Dottie McGuilten?" I asked, silently praying he was Rupert. The man's eyes widened and he looked off into the distance for a short time before turning back to me.

"Young lady, if this is a joke, it's not very funny." His voice was suddenly cold and I felt a shiver run through my spine. I shook my head.

"No, sir, I assure you I'm not joking...a friend of mine told me about them and suggested I come ask for a look at their old creek. Something about it being a beautiful sight." I hated myself for lying, but the man's face softened and his shoulders drooped.

"I see...well, Miss, I hate to disappoint you, but the whole McGuilten family disappeared quite some time ago." I thought my heart was going to stop. How could they have just up and disappeared? Perhaps they'd left town after Joey's disappearance, or so I had hoped.

"Oh...I had no idea. I'm terribly sorry for the confusion. Any idea what happened?" I folded my arms over my chest, trying to keep my nervous shakes under control.

He sighed heavily and shrugged his rugged shoulders. "I couldn't tell you. I came by one day to see my sister and nephew and they were gone. Some fella lived here with them and he said they must've left in the middle of the night." I nodded my head, knowing the "fella" he'd been talking about was Jamie. "I just don't understand what happened. My sister and I were always close. She'd never just leave without saying goodbye...or leaving a note of some kind."

I suddenly felt nauseous. "I am sorry, sir. I didn't mean-" He waved his hand and my words stopped in my throat.

"It's alright, dear, but as far as that creek goes, it's a ways down from here. You'll see this old tree if you really want to see it still." I nodded my head sheepishly and he nodded back at me.

"Alright, I'll escort you myself. It's pretty easy to get lost around here." I gave him a weak smile as he stepped back into the house. He came back out again, accompanied by a golden retriever, and we walked around the house. The dog barked and rushed over to the tree as it came back into view. I smiled at the man.

"Your dog seems very sweet," I commented. The older man chuckled and nodded his head.

"Yeah...he is. Got him shortly after I moved into my sister's house...thought someone should tend to the place until she came back..." Guilt began to eat at me, but we both froze in terror as the dog came back, a bone dangling from its mouth. The man nearly fainted and I turned, throwing up at the sight of the decaying clothes.

An hour later, the brother, who's name I learned was Arthur, and I sat in the living room while the police continued to dig up the tree. It turned out to be that there were three bodies buried by the tree, not just one. When they came in, the policemen removed their hats and looked at Arthur with somber expressions.

"Sir, I'm so sorry, but our ME says one of the bodies is an adult male, another a teenaged male, and the third...was an adult female. Does this look familiar to you?" The older policemen held up a plastic bag which contained a tarnished cross. Arthur took it from him with shaky hands and exploded into tears. He had given it to Dottie on the night of her wedding. After the policemen left, I stayed with Arthur to ensure he was alright.

He turned to me with saddened dark eyes and asked me to go. I left without another word, unsure of what else I could possibly do for him. I left him my number just incase. When I arrived home, it was too an empty house. I sunk into the couch, my stomach still churning at the memory of the dog carrying a human bone in his mouth.

I didn't remember dozing off, but the phone awoken me. I practically launched myself from the couch, reaching out to answer the landline. "Hello?"

"Roberta?" It was Arthur. "The police called back...they rushed the dental records...it was my sister and her family. I just...thought you should know." I felt my stomach heave.

"I'm so sorry, Arthur.." I trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

"That friend of yours that sent you to the house...you never told me a name..." I sighed heavily, knowing I'd be violating protocol if I revealed a patient's name.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you their name," I said softly. "They're actually one of my patients. I'm a hospice nurse."

"Ah." The line was silent for a few moments. "Well the police will want to speak with you. Said it's a little strange you should up wanting to see the tree the day my dog found the..." He trailed off, sounding like he might be ill.

I cleared my throat. "Arthur, I'm going to have to say goodbye. I need to pay someone a visit."

Arthur grumbled a goodbye and then the line went dead. Before I could talk myself out of it, I got up and grabbed my keys. I drove myself back to work and stormed in, ignoring Cynthia as she called after me. I stomped down the corridor and bursted into Jamie's room, but he wasn't there.

Tears pricked at my eyes and I went back down the hallway, meeting Cynthia halfway down. "I was just about to call you," she said sadly, wringing her hands together. "Mr. Lewis passed earlier this evening...but honey, is something else wrong? You look upset." I felt tears fall down my cheeks.

"He murdered three people..." I whispered and fell into Cynthia, sobbing into her chest and she held me tightly.

"Oh, my dear girl," she squeezed me tightly and walked me back to the exit. "I think you need to go home and get some rest."

I drove home overcome with a numb feeling spread throughout my body. I arrived home and sunk into the couch again, thinking about nothing but Jamie, Joey, Dottie, Rupert, and poor grieving Arthur. I pulled my knees up to my chest and cried into them when the phone rang again.

I sniffled and answered. "Hello?"

"Thank you, Robbie," a familiar voice said, sending chills through my bones.

"Jamie?" My lips trembled.

"The only one, doll," he said.

"You killed them...all of them. Why?"

"Had too. They were going to out me to the world and I couldn't have that. So, I took care of them." His voice was chilling and unkind. "Joey said he didn't love me anymore. I couldn't take the rejection and being outed. Those people were going to throw me to the wolves."

"He was your friend. Your boyfriend. You killed him and the people he loved!"

He chuckled and I thought my heart was going to stop.

"I know," he said, sounding amused. "but now I'm dead so who cares about what happened to them."

"Arthur cares. He's spent his entire life taking care of his sister's house incase she ever came home and guess what? Now she's not. His hope is gone, because the police dug her and his nephew up!" My hand was trembling like a leaf.

"Now they can be laid to rest," Jamie said slyly. "Just like me. Now, you be a good girl and keep this to yourself. Or else I'm gonna get ya!" He laughed manically and my heart leaped to my throat.

"You're dead... How...?"

"Still got ways, babe. Bye bye now." I sat up right on the couch, a scream piercing through the air as I clung to one of my throw pillows. My boyfriend came rushing from the bedroom and enwrapped me in his arms, shushing me before I woke the neighbors. My eyes widened when I saw that the phone had fallen from its cradle.