I have a confession to make. I killed two people. To explain what happened I have to go back to the beginning of summer. I was outside mowing the grass. Living next to the woods I know there are all sorts of insects I have to watch out for. Well, one of those little suckers got the best of me and bit me on my lower back, close to my spine.
After five days I needed to go to the hospital, the pain was unbearable. After some mini-drama, caused by the pain, I was admitted to the hospital. Within the hour blood was drawn, not just a single vial or two, no, I’m talking a lot, like half a pint.
Over the next day, it was decided that I needed surgery. It took a total of three days before I went under the knife and in that time frame more blood was taken, and by more, I mean another pint total. I made a few jokes about all the tests they were running, needing all that blood.
"Maybe you can tell me exactly what bit me?"
"Maybe you can tell me what kind of infection I had?"
Laughter… "They are just going to treat it like staph, just to be safe."
"Maybe you’re trying to clone me?"
"Maybe you’re trying to figure out how to implant a mind-control device during surgery so the government can use me as a patsy?"
I had my surgery and was released the next day. I’ve never been knocked out like that before or woken up in that manner. The next day I was sent home to recover.
Over the next five days I felt helpless. I couldn’t do anything for myself. I was waiting for a release to return to work but I was told I could only get that release if I went back to the hospital to see the doctor who did the surgery.
When I called to get my appointment time all hell broke loose. Heated words were shouted, tears fell from being overwhelmed, and I was told the doctor wasn’t ready to see me so I could go to my own doctor to get my release.
Over the next three weeks, I was healing up faster than anyone thought I could. My doctor even said I shouldn’t be healing that fast. I took this as a good thing, after all, I’ve always been a fast healer. The following day I received a phone call that made me question my own healing.
The hospital called and said I needed to come in right away to discuss something that was discovered in my blood. Remembering the last conversation and the price they said I would have to pay to see the doctor in the hospital I told them to kiss my ass before hanging up.
The phone rang again and I was told there would be no cost for the visit. In fact, if I came in right away my entire hospital bill would be dismissed. My stomach dropped and I thought I was going to faint. If they wanted me to come in so badly that my entire bill would be dismissed it must be serious. They offered to pick me up but I was already driving so I headed toward the hospital.
When I got to the hospital I headed up to the fourth floor. As I stepped off the elevator the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. There was complete silence on the floor. I walked around the corner from the elevator and couldn’t believe my eyes.
Standing at the desk staring back at me in disbelief was a very sexy handsome devil. To his right was that same good looking hunk. I wondered why a doctor would have funhouse mirrors in the lobby.
Then I thought the mirrors must be broken because the reflection was distorted. Finally, it dawns on me that those were not mirrors because we were all wearing different clothes. This could only mean one thing.
Fear took over and I wobbled as fast as I could back to the elevator. My cane started to unscrew itself from the fast motion of my hopping while trying to remain balanced. As I got to the elevator I pushed the button in a panic, over and over again, thinking my hard pressing would recall the elevator faster. The door, after what felt like an hour, finally opened and there was another dashingly handsome face staring back at me.
Trying to prevent my escape the clone lunged toward me. I raised my cane to block him from grabbing me and as I did it finally opened. I pulled the sword out of the cane and instinct took over. I pushed the clone away from me and thrust my blade forward.
I could feel the cold steel pushing through the soft fatty flesh that was my body, right through to the heart. At the moment the other clones caught up and stopped suddenly, all stunned by what just happened. They watched helplessly as the life faded away from my eyes. I was literally watching myself die.
As the clone slumped to the floor lifeless, it also slid off of my sword. The thump of his body woke us all from our trance. The other two clones grabbed my arms and tried to pull me back away from the elevator. I started kicking wildly, connecting with Two’s groin. He instantly let go of me and fell to the floor.
With my arm free, I swung it around to pull away from One. Taking advantage of my newfound freedom I swung as hard as I could with my cane, hitting one in the head with the metal base of the cane. He fell down, unconscious.
Turning back toward the elevator, Two was in my way, on his knees, but regaining his breath and attempting to stand. In a panic I swung the sword with all my strength from left to right, cutting his throat open. Blood spewed out and I jumped back, unable to dodge the red spray.
The doors began to close and I made a dash to get into the elevator. I pushed the button for the garage and the elevator finally began to move. I looked over at my body lying there, trying to figure out what just happened. As the doors opened I wobbled to my truck as fast as I could and drove away like a bat out of hell.
Now I’m looking over my shoulder everywhere I go. Somewhere out there is at least one more me. I’ve been expecting the cops to arrest me but even that has its complications. After all, what will I be charged with… murder or suicide?