Citizen Jay

The theatre seats were packed with citizens. I let the curtain fall back into place and shook out my sweaty hands.

“I can do this,” I said to myself.

“Get out there!” my assistant whispered fiercely, waving her clipboard at me urgently.

I took a deep, steadying breath, and stepped out on to the stage. Everyone was staring at me, waiting for me to make a move, to say something, to do something, anything.

“Gentlemen,” I began. All those years of shouting at my friends on the soccer fields was finally paying off. I spoke loudly and firmly, making sure to enunciate each word as clearly as I could. “Thank you for your patience. I am sure you are all wondering why you’ve been asked to be here tonight.”

They eyed me critically, the older men particularly. They weren’t used to being addressed by a woman, especially one as young as myself. I clenched my fists, letting the pain of my nails digging into my palms drive me.

“Commander Williams is aware of what you have done. He knows you’ve been taking supplies off the compound and trading with the Outsiders on the other side of the wall. He has assured me that disciplinary action will be taken and has tasked me with the responsibility of seeing it carried out.

“For those of you that have traded essential supplies such as clothing and soaps, you will be sent to the perimeter for one week to help eliminate the Screechers. Without. Your earplugs. They are being confiscated from your barracks as we speak. We are all aware that the Screechers have been flying onto the compound, but if we close our ears to their cries, how can we repent for the sins that helped create these vile creatures in the first place. Lieutenant Savage will be overseeing this assignment.”

The Screechers were vicious creatures, bred in some insane scientist’s lab. They resembled a cross between an eagle and a bat, with the ability to scream like a woman being tortured. It was a haunting sound that was impossible to ignore. His justification for experimenting on animals was flimsy at best. He claimed that he was creating them to drive the enemy soldiers so crazy that they’d willingly surrender, but no one ever truly believed him. He was executed years ago for a long list of crimes, including animal cruelty and misuse of military funds, but before he was arrested, he let the Screechers out to wreak havoc on what was left of the free world. Now, it was a constant battle to keep them away from the compound.

The sneers from some of the men were almost enough to make me lose my nerve. I would be no one’s friend by the time I was done here today.

“For those of you that have traded food to The Outsiders, you will be sent to the composting depot to relieve the workers for two weeks. I am well aware that the depot stinks very badly. You will not be granted leave from this assignment until the full two weeks have been completed. Lieutenant Franklyn will be overseeing this assignment.

“And for those of you that have dared to trade weapons to The Outsiders, you will be sent to the Outer Wilds to assist in the razing of the dead forests for three weeks.”

The outcry from the men was deafening, but I let them expel their anger; better here than in front of Commander Williams. Finally, I held up my hands, and miraculously, they all quieted down.

“I will be accompanying this group. We will leave tomorrow morning at 0600 for the Outer Wilds. The rest of you will report to your Lieutenants tomorrow morning at 0800 for duties. Citizens, stand,” I commanded, and everyone stood at once. “Citizens dismissed.” They all began filing out of the theatre; the hostility was palpable, but I breathed a sigh of relief. I had managed to get through hosting my first disciplinary gathering.

I was worried that I wouldn’t be taken seriously, but the mere mention of Commander Williams’ name seemed to have been enough for them all to sit there and listen to what I had to say.

I was younger than most of the men and outranked all of them. I had risen swiftly in the ranks, earning the title of Lieutenant before the age of thirty, which was practically unheard of among the citizens of Compound Z, and absolutely unheard of for a female to have earned the title at all. Men were always trying to prove they were better, faster, stronger, stealthier than me, but ultimately, few could measure up. Sure, there were plenty of men that were bigger than me, at 5'8" it wasn't too difficult, but they still tried to assert their dominance over me, using whatever advantage they could.

Once outside, I was immediately bombarded by the younger men. They all seemed to want to know how Commander Williams had found out about their trading operation. It was true that Compound Z only allowed the most basic of necessities, but it was for our own good. The Commander kept things very minimalistic so that we wouldn’t be distracted from our mission. Safeguarding the Elders was our only priority. We had what we needed, and that should have been enough for the men, but clearly, it wasn’t.

“Jay,” my assistant whispered in my ear, “you shouldn’t be speaking to them informally. They received your orders, you should leave, now.”

“Of course,” I nodded to her. “Gentlemen, forgive me, but I need to prepare for tomorrow, as should all of you. Good night.”

The grumbling followed me all the way to building C where my office was located. I let the door shut with a gratifying click and embraced the momentary silence, but it was short-lived.

“Lieutenant Jay,” came the deep, rich voice of Commander Williams. “My office,” he said crisply, and walked away down the hall, not waiting to see if I was following.

I eyed my assistant speculatively, but she shrugged and gave me a small shove in the Commander’s direction.

“Shut the door, Lieutenant.”

I complied and stood by the door with my hands behind my back, legs shoulder-width apart.

“Sit down, Jay,” he said tiredly, elbows resting on his immaculately clean desk.

“Thank you, sir.” The chair was an uncomfortable wooden chair that seemed to keep trying to slide me out of it. I braced my feet firmly on the carpet and held on tight to the armrests in an effort to keep from fidgeting.

Commander Williams sighed deeply and seemed to sink into his chair. “There’s been a development, Lieutenant,” he began but seemed unable to continue.

“Sir?”

He rubbed his jaw and let his hand fall back onto the desk with a soft slap. “You’ll accompany the men to the Outer Wilds, but I’m afraid you won’t be returning with them at the end of the month. You’ve been permanently reassigned to head up the decontamination efforts.”

“Sir?” I repeated. He was playing a joke on me. He had to be.

The Outer Wilds were a barren wasteland. Everything that had once been there was now dead and rotting. Nothing survived for long, and when it tried, it was quickly given a dose of heavy chemicals and a reality check that nothing would ever live there again. Staying out there for longer than a month was a death sentence; it was why we limited all dispatches to the Outer Wilds to less than 30 days. What could I possibly have done to deserve this?

“What did I do wrong?”

I watched as he shut his eyes, licked his lips, and took a deep breath. “You’ve made me so proud, Lieutenant. You should know that.”

“What. Did. I. Do?”

“Jay,” he said quietly.

I stood and threw the ridiculous chair at the door. I didn’t manage to do any damage to the door or the chair, but it felt good to let go of my control for just a moment.

“Sir, I can out-run, out fight, out-climb, out-swim, out-smart, every single one of those meatheads out there.” I jabbed my finger at the undamaged door. “Why are you doing this to me? Why even promote me to lieutenant if you’re just going to kill me off?”

“This decision was out of my hands. I fought for you, Jay. I truly believe that Compound Z is a better place with you in it, but I follow orders, just like you. This came from the top. You’ve risen too quickly, Lieutenant, and the Elders took notice. They view you as a threat. I never should have promoted you so soon, but you deserved it. You deserve it, Jay.”

Watching Commander Williams lose his calm control added weight to his words. He never let himself be so open and vulnerable with anyone, so the fact that it was happening now, helped me believe what he was telling me. And it made me sick. I was being killed for being too good at my job. They were sentencing me to death for being exactly what they expected all citizens to be, but I was just a little too perfect for their tastes. I would never have dreamed of threatening the safety and security of Compound Z. I would have served the Elders until my last breath, but they were letting their insecurities drive them. It seemed they would rather eliminate a potential threat to their leadership than to wait and see how well I could have served them and the citizens of Compound Z.

“I will do my duty, I will serve the Elders, and I will die for this compound, but I refuse to do so in shame.” I unclipped my lieutenant’s bars and held them out to him. “Commander Williams, take these, while I still have honor and pride left. I will not sully them when I die laying in a puddle of my own piss and blood.” I steeled myself. “Take them now, Sir. Please. I am begging you.”

“Jay…”

“Please. Raymond.” I looked him square in the eyes. He gave them to me; he should be the one who carries them with him for the rest of his life.

“Alecia, you’ve earned them. I won’t take them from you.” He came around his desk and enveloped me in a tight hug. This six-foot-six, huge, black man, hugged me like I was his own daughter. “Don’t ask that of me,” he whispered in my ear, then continued so quietly, I had trouble hearing his words, “Find the Outsiders. They’re not who you think they are. Tell them Ray sent you, that you’re seeking refuge. They’ll take you in.”

I pulled back, not sure if I heard him correctly. “What?”

“Shh,” he chastised and shook his head. He had just ordered me to discipline the men for trading with the Outsiders, and here he was telling me to find them, that they knew him, and not as an enemy. My entire world had just exploded, then flipped on its head, and exploded all over again.

I cleared my throat and stepped out of his embrace.

“Do your duty, Lieutenant Jay,” he said loudly.

“Yes, sir.”

He handed me a folded piece of paper and slowly, deliberately, put his pen into the inside pocket of his uniform, nodding to me. I took his cue and slipped the piece of paper into my own inside pocket, safely tucked away until I could read it alone.

“Sir, if I may, what’s going to happen to Amy? She’s been a valuable assistant. She will serve someone else very well.” She didn’t deserve to be dragged into what was about to happen to me.

“She is being reassigned to my office, Lieutenant. She will receive her new duty assignments in the morning. Dismissed.”

When I returned to my office, I closed and locked the door, shut my computer off, and entered my small private bathroom. I carefully took out the piece of paper and unfolded it.

Oversee the decontamination efforts for three weeks. Send the men home. Once they’ve gone, travel east on foot until you reach a blue bridge. Under this bridge is a tunnel. It will lead you to the Outsiders. Find Sun Jay. Destroy this.

My eyes widened and my hands began to shake. Who was Sun Jay? The last name couldn’t be a coincidence. It wasn’t exactly a common name, but I had no family. I was an orphan. I was raised in Compound Z by the Nurses. No. It had to be a coincidence. It just had to be.

I ran the water over the paper until it was falling apart, and tore it into pieces. I threw the pieces into the toilet and flushed it all down.

I leaned heavily on the sink, staring at myself in the mirror. All my life, I had followed orders. I never colored outside the lines, so to speak. The men were being disciplined for short periods of time for doing something that I wouldn’t have dared to do, and yet here I was, being permanently displaced for the opposite; for following orders, for being a good soldier. This was wrong.

With a sigh, I stood up tall, steeling myself for an unknown future.

I was done following orders. It was time to look out for myself.

* * *