A Wonderful World

Sitting on a chair in a dimly lit room, I feel sick. My body feels cold and nauseous, and the room feels suffocating and eerie. My drooping face feels heavy as I stare at this colorless world before me. I wonder if this place is haunted or if I'm the one haunting it. Is this how the world is, or is it just me who sees the world like this? -"Gouge out your eyes."- I drink more of the faucet water at the dining room table, but I still feel sick, like it just goes into an empty abyss. I don't realize it, but I've been staring at the glass for about 5 minutes now. I love letting my mind wander into meaningless things -"cut your stomach open"- I want my thoughts to become still like the water in the glass, and for a while, it works. I am blank, but eventually, I remove my eyes from the clear, still water and look at my hands to verify if I'm still here. -"Scar your face till you can't recognize yourself."- As I'm staring at my hand and rubbing my fingers together to keep myself present, I see a little spider in my peripheral vision - "Blow your brains out; make sure it's all gone"- I don't kill the little spider I find it mesmerizing it reminds me of the beauty and wonder in this world. "Not enough." I put my hand out in front of it and let it crawl onto my hand, and I wondered what its world was like. What a wonderful world, I can’t help but cherish all the life in it. I feel I have so much love to give. -"Cut your arms."- I love what I don’t understand. -"Tear your skin off, rip it off, rip it off."- I pretend they're not there. I pretend to be distracted. -"Punish yourself, it's not enough, it's never enough, not even death will satisfy"-

I can only pretend for so long. They appear in my head as flashing vivid images, and only the act can relieve them.

I remember what I am. I have no eyes. Blood slowly seeps out of my stomach. My face is ripped and scared, covered in blood; it looks like my flesh was just plastered onto my face. My fingernails are covered in my blood. My arms feel like they're on fire. The cuts make me burn. I sit in a dimly lit room, waiting for my next thought. Till then, I'll pretend to live in a world I'm not in,

but it's too late,

I can no longer imagine a world like that. My mind has become too corrupted, and it's buried away any acknowledgment of beauty in this world. I can no longer appreciate the beauty in the horror.

I'm left with nothing but a gut-wrenching fear and anticipation, like something is coming. Something worse than death. I have no eyes, but visions haunt me. The walls seem to melt with wailing faces, and old rotting corpses of my family sit with me at the table; even though their bodies are decayed, I can see that they died in mourning. I didn't know the dead could show so much emotion. I'm horrified. I try to move, but I am unable to. I try to close my eyes, but it's in my mind. What happened to them? Why are they like this?

I hear something...

movement,

Something is moving,

Through something,

It sounds mushy,

And crunchy.

I follow the sound and find myself looking at the rotting corpse of my mother.

The sound continues,

I see something moving up her throat, something sharp and pointy pressing against the insides of her throat.

Then, from the darkness of her mouth, long black legs stretch out one by one, and with all its legs out around her mouth, it slowly pulls the rest of its body out.

It's a spider so large that it covers her entire face once entirely out, but it's so dark it looks like a shadow against her. The spider jumps onto the table and crawls toward me; something is different about this spider than the other one; this one fills me with dread as if it's the devil in disguise. It crawls onto my arms that are laid out on the table. Its long legs prickle and poke my lacerations as it crawls up my forearms and neck. I can do nothing but tense up and breathe heavily as I feel it creeping up my neck and into my mouth. Its long, hairy, and prickly legs stretch into my mouth. Its legs stab my tongue as it crawls deeper into my mouth. I let out a groan of disgust because I am incapable of crying as it makes its way down my throat. I start to gag and choke horribly as it's forcing its way down. Its legs cut up my throat, and I spurt out blood -as I gag and cough- that splatters all over the table and the corpses that sit with me. I thought I would finally die, but it pushed itself deep enough so it slithered itself into my stomach, and I could finally breathe again.

I feel an extremely sharp pain in my stomach as I'm gasping for air like I just swallowed a knife. It's clinging to the inside of my stomach. There's nothing I can do, and I must bear it. It feels like the spider is expanding in my stomach; its legs get longer and longer and push against the insides of my stomach. The pain is excruciating. I let out a long shriek of pain till there is no air left in my lungs. There's a short silence and stillness, and for a second, I thought it was all over till it wasn't. 2 of its now gigantic legs shoot out, and my stomach explodes. My blood splatters the entire room, smacking the walls and ceiling and covering the corpses of my family. Its legs stretch out to the ceiling above my head, covered and dripping with the blood that lands on my face. The two legs slowly make their way towards my head like they have a mind of their own and pull my head back till I'm facing the ceiling. Then, two more legs emerge from my stomach and pull my jaw open; then they reach down into my throat, and each one pulls out a thread, and they begin to wrap my body in it. Over and over, the legs, in turn, pull the web out from my mouth and cover my body, trapping me into a cocoon made of web like a mummification. It's not long before I'm wrapped and mummified in the spider's thread. I sit there forever, trapped and indistinguishable, with just The spider's legs sticking out of the wrapping and frozen in place like a machine that's finished its job.