A Vampire Walks Into A Bar

The small country bar wasn’t crowded, which was fine with me as I spent far too much time with people, and other things.

I preferred the coffee at the little 24/7 diner around the corner, but there were too many people, too many faces to keep track of.

I rubbed my temples and stared into the mug of fresh coffee the waitress had just poured. A quick survey of the bar told me no one was looking, and deftly poured the contents of a small glass bottle I was palming into the cup.

I stirred the coffee, adding a touch of raw sugar, and tasted it. Perfect.

There were two men arguing at the bar over what to watch on the small television in the corner when I felt the hair stand up on the back of my neck.

He’s here, I thought.

Just then the door opened, ringing the small bell attached to it.

I didn’t turn around, but I was fairly certain who it was. My suspicions were confirmed when I peaked at the mirror next to me and no reflection walked by it.

“Oh, hello there,” a man said with a slight hint of a British accent, “Jasper Ford, of all places.”

“Finn,” was all I said in reply, as he took a seat at the small table.

“Oh are we on a first name basis now?”

“I should think so,” I said.

“Excuse me if I keep it formal with the man who killed my baby brother,” he said.

“Your little brother was killing people across the Midwest. I had to stop him.”

“You didn’t have to kill him. He’s gone on sprees before. He’s always stopped.”

“That’s not how it works. You keep your group from misbehaving, and you get to stick around.”

Finn leaned closer, though mostly for dramatic effect, he could easily hear what I was saying two blocks away if he wished, “You should have alerted me Mr. Ford. I would have dealt with it.”

“I saw how you dealt with it. It wasn’t sufficient. If he would have stuck to livestock like the agreement says nothing would have happened to him. Instead your brother developed a taste for farmer’s daughters.”

The tall vampire leaned back in his chair. He listened to the music and tapped his fingers on the table, his ancient eyes staring into my soul.

“I like this song. Waylon?”

“Sturgill Simpson.”

“Ahh yes, the bartender has good taste in music.”

“I thought it’d be a little modern for you,” I said to the centuries old creature.

“Funny.”

“I thought so.”

We sat for another long pause. Well, long for me, I’m sure the Finn had a much different perception of time.

“I can’t forget this,” he said finally.

“I don’t believe your species forget much.”

“No we don’t. And our long lives let grudges fester.”

Finn paused, eyeing my coffee. Vampires don’t eat really, but some have developed tastes for certain things, mostly wine. I knew Finn was a coffee drinker.

“Would you like some?”

The vampire took the mug and put it too his lips, “That’s not bad for some bar in the sticks.”

“I can’t believe you tracked me here. It takes a lot to roust you from your manor.”

“My brother’s death couldn’t wait. I needed to take matters into my own hands. I can’t have the rest of them thinking I’m weak.”

Which was true, if the rest of the clan thought Finn was not the best leader then he could be deposed, and a new one would take his place. A new one that might not like the current arrangement. Finn was annoying enough, but he usually kept his brood in check.

“So you’re here for revenge?”

“Why else would I come to this godforsaken town? You can’t have thought you would get out of this conversation alive.”

“I have my ways.”

“I know.”

“Your brother definitely knew.”

“That’s enough warm blood. Speak of my little brother again and I will eat your heart in front of you.” His words hissed as they passed my his fangs.

“You mean you don’t want to hear how he died asking for his brother? Assuring me his big brother would save him.”

“You didn’t have to burn him. I have nothing to bury now. There will be an empty spot in the family crypt.”

“I didn’t burn all of him,” I said tossing something on the table.

Finn picked up his brother’s fangs, “You monster.”

“I was only doing my job. Your brother brought this on himself.”

“Enough Jasper. You will answer for this.”

“I really don’t think I will.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I laced the coffee you’re drinking with holy water, and I expect it to take affect any second now,” I said casually looking at my watch.

“You…You…double crossing mortal filth.”

And I watched Finn’s eyes widen as he realized one of us would be dying, but it wasn’t going to be me.