A Lost Life

“You were twitching in your sleep again,” my husband tells me as he sits on the edge of the bed getting ready to put his socks on. That makes sense as this nightmare keeps getting to me. I will not tell him though, not ready to share it until this nightmare becomes a reality. It was just a dream.

“Did you hear what I said?” He asks as he stands up and he is now wearing his underwear and socks and is putting on pants.

“I twitch when I sleep sometimes, I’ve turned off my alarm in my sleep before,” I finally reply.

“Oh okay so what you were late to work?” He asks

“Yeah and once to school,” say as I sit up in bed.

“Good thing you didn’t do that,” he said as he finishes buttoning up his shirt and he heads into the bathroom and closes the door.

The nightmare has been occurring a lot lately. It could be because I want a baby and it’s just my subconscious playing tricks on me.

It goes like this…. I am standing in an unfamiliar house, but it’s my house I’m by a fireplace and my family and my husbands family are all there. My husband stands next to me wearing his tee shirt and I’m wearing my pink dress and white polka dots. We are clearly at a party as balloons with pink and blue are hung. Not just any party it’s a gender reveal party. My sister passes me the confetti cannon.

“Is everyone ready?” I say excitedly.

“Yeah!” I hear the family shout.

“Three, two, one!” I shout and I pull the trigger and a blast of pink comes shooting out littering the living room. A girl. The dream then shifts…

I’m crying in my Nissan Murano and I’m in my pyjamas, blood is staining the seats, I can feel blood running down my leg and staining my bare feet and the gas pedal. Where is my husband? I have no idea. I am calling him over and over and there’s no answer. I’m driving myself to the hospital while crying and bleeding, the steering wheel is grouped so tight my knuckles are white and I can feel a cold sweat at the back of my neck. My pyjamas are stained with red, hot, dark blood. I rush to the emergency barely walking and my vision is all blurry. A hospital volunteer in a red vest sees me and after a short pause they rush over and hand me a pad. I’m pacing the emergency room. I keep trying to call my husband, but no reply. My hands are shaking and I’m sweating. I feel like sitting, but for some reason I can’t physically make myself sit down, I try again and my legs don’t do it. The blood keeps going and pouring down my leg I’m staining the hospital floor. There’s a severe cramp and I have no idea where it is I’m trying to find it to stop the bleeding.

I wake up completely startled. My heart rate is thumping hard. I’m in my bedroom my husband is already awake. It’s just a dream. I’m not even pregnant, it’s just a nightmare. It’s not real I tell myself, it’s not real. However, this does happen to many women while working the hospital I’ve come across one woman every month at least that are going through this, but for me it is not real. It’s not reality, yet this keeps happening. It is a very real nightmare and it scares me. Scares me more than public speaking. It’s a nightmare.