Never Forgotten

Before my mom died I was already working on putting my thoughts together of 25 years ago. I was trying to take all the bits and pieces and craft them together. It may now be 25 years ago but to me it was just yesterday. People are now and for ages as well, been like never forget. I’ve always come back saying, I’ve never forgotten, maybe you have put it out of your mind and now need to remind yourself never to forget.

In all fairness most people that have come at me with never forget seem to have ulterior motives. They are carrying some kind of agenda where we have forgotten for what ever reason and now they have to remind us. Yet I’ve never forgotten it stays with me every day, I can still see the planes hitting the towers, it replays in my memories over and over. With time I’ve been able to temper the memory so it doesn’t take me over. The constant reminders on social media by those making sure “we never forget” make sure to annoy me and remind me.

 I remember though, I had stayed out late on 9/10 which made me sleep in. I was awoken by my phone ringing and my fiancée calling me to make sure I was ok. You see I was supposed to have headed to the lenscrafter in the trade center mall that day. I told her I was still home and she sounded relieved. She told me what was happening, that led me to the living room and the tv to see what was going on. There I sat transfixed by events unfolding that are seared in me. I saw the second plane hit, the first tower fall, the second tower fall, then I saw it all again and again and again. The whole day is a blur to me but i do remember going outside once or twice to see what I could see from where I was.

What strikes me the most about it all was my mother who was watching it all with me. After awhile she was in tears and saying to me or just to say it out loud why would people do this. The tears streamed from her face as she tried to comprehend it all. It’s a core memory of my mom also a moment where I couldn’t comfort her. I myself was there thinking why should we do this to each other. Yet it was a moment where my moms empathy was showcased. This memory has stuck with me.

 It still all feels like a blur the days and months and years after. But I never had a chance to forget we never had a chance to forget. We were reminded every second, every hour, every day, every week, every month, every year. First as they looked for survivors, then as they looked for those lost, then as they cleared the site. Then it was the rebuild and when it finally was rebuilt it was the sites themselves. How can you forget when you can reflect at the reflecting pools or walk through the new World Trade Center. How can you forget when you can see the freedom tower. How can you forget when the responders till this day are dealing with the ramifications of their heroism and sacrifice. Every illness reminds me every death brings it home.

When they post never forget usually they are not talking about these sacrifices. They are not thinking of responders who have gotten sick or died from there service. It’s a punctuation in what ever they are pushing that they need you to never forget. Maybe I’ve gotten cynical, maybe time has hardened my heart. Yet I don’t think so because it still hurts for that day, it still hurts for those we lost and for those we are losing. I guess that’s why I take it personal when someone tries to tell me Never Forget. It feels insincere to me when they say never forget. Maybe it’s cause some are saying it from far away. Maybe it’s cause some are saying it as part of a point. There are those out there who have forgotten but what they have forgotten is the lessons we learned. Some of those are the very ones saying never forget.

 I remember, i remember plans interrupted, I remember watching it all, I remember my moms tears the most and I remember the lessons I learned. So if you want to remember, remember how we came together remember how to be kind to each other, remember what hate can turn into. Remember to hold your loved ones close, tell them you love them, for in a moment it can all change. I guess that’s what makes this more poignant now that my mom has passed.

 I can’t tell you what I would of written before her passing yet it feels that love one another would have been part of that. That I’ve never forgotten I don’t know if you have. On this day where I say goodbye to my mom I find that it just makes this day even more unforgettable. As always things come full circle and this memory of my mom tears in her eyes just feels so much more. Another reason to add for not forgetting. I have not forgotten and I will not forget. Love one another don’t let hate win. Don’t take the ones you love for granted. Hold them close make great memories and live your lives.

Today there is a national grief that we share, and for me there is now a personal grief woven into it. Maybe that is also why it bothers me so much to watch people use September 11th as a political tool, or worse, as an excuse for racism and hatred toward people who had nothing to do with what happened that day. There is something deeply disrespectful about taking the deaths of thousands of people and using their memory to justify hating someone else. I keep coming back to my mom sitting there with tears streaming down her face, asking why people would do this to one another. My mom was imperfect, as we all are, but she was perfect to me in that moment because she understood something so simple: these were human beings suffering, and that was enough for her to hurt for them. She didn’t need to know their race, religion, politics, or where they came from to feel their pain. She just saw people. Maybe instead of using “Never Forget” to remind ourselves who we are supposed to hate, we should remember people like her and ask ourselves why we can’t be a little more like that…more empathetic, more human, and less willing to let another person’s hatred become our own.