When he makes you feel better

I started to have another panic attack.

It felt like I was closing in on my own soaked up feelings, and nothing could help me----the gush of sadness pouring in on my whole being---and I was completely helpless to stop it. I could only keep it under wraps for so long.

Being out in broad daylight didn't help. It only exacerbated the intense loneliness I felt--the social warmth of the sun and the blue sky against my shaking, crying body felt mocking and painful. My breath felt labored and harsh, my heart felt weak and my whole body felt heavy.

Then… his handsome, perfect face fills my mind… and his loving, logical voice… talking me down…. Giving me strength. I feel like I can handle things again.

Being stuck in the house all the time--not being with my friends at school anymore---realizing how fast time goes by, and now I was a Senior in Highschool during a horrible Pandemic... it was all too much.

School wasn't the same anymore. I missed everyone so much. Clyde, Token, Bebe, Butters... everyone.

I really missed one person the most.

My boyfriend. My rock. The guy who helps me calm down and makes me laugh.

We had been dating since last year----a weird realization that only took a few odd conversations and for both of us to let our barriers and our guards down---finally to see how much we both meant to each other.

I have always had anxiety, (almost my whole life), but the intermittent depression is something new. I can't sleep at night, so I usually spend it listening to music, texting Craig and drinking coffee.

I miss Craig.

He knows how to get me to think rationally, sanely and instead of freaking out---he helps me really think of things in ways I never thought I would.

He helps me calm down---and he helps me think of better, more hopeful solutions.

I never thought we would ever be together. We had such a shaky start as kids with that fight---a fight Craig and I realized was a set-up, and then of course all of that art crap about us being together (with the Yaoi art stuff)...

Things that make you really think---art and how others view you---how inspiration and love really can connect you with the one person you truly never understood until: they take that leap and really try.

Craig really tries with me.

He inspires me to better myself and see that I have potential, and I see the sensitive, passionate and charming side to him that he never thought he had.

We have been dating now for eight years now.

Finally, we will be graduating high school and I HAVE to see him.

It has been a week and I am dying... well, not dying... but I miss him soooo much.

I text him.

Craigy, can we get some shakes or something tonight?

I look at my text dumbly. Shakes? What are we, ten years old still?

Oh well.

I text again.

I wanna see you. I miss you!

I wait a second and feel my heart pound. Why is he taking so long to respond? School is over now(it's all virtual). Oh, man! I feel so stupid.

Tweek, honey, are you doing okay

I grin, my cheeks warm from his response.

Yea. just miss you a whole lot. i did have a panic attack earlier

I feel my eyes start to water and hope he isn't thinking I'm dumb or something... though I doubt it. He is usually so understanding.

I miss you, baby. remember to always take deep breaths, my little Wonder Tweek. and also, it is ok to feel a little down sometimes. its ok to feel crappy

I smile, a tear running down my face without even realizing it. Then, he texts me again.

I got something to talk to you about, anyway. So, I will pick u up at... 7?

Oh shit, I think. What could that be about?

Ok, sweetheart. I will see you then! argh!

I realize too late I put my Argh! in an actual text message and I cringe at it...

lol you are too much Tweek honey. try to relax until i come over!

I took a long bath to get ready with candles and the lights off, something to help me relax and get ready for our date. The idea to take baths in the dark with lit candles was all Craig's idea. He gave me a very thoughtful list of things to do whenever I was feeling stressed out(which is all the time!), and I practically live by his advice.

I got ready and had a light snack of three cups of coffee and a stale roll right before I see Craig pull up in his 2010 Chevy Nova.

I thought it was the perfect car for him. And he looked hot driving it!

I tried one last time to tame my blonde curls in the mirror before he calls me.

"Babe, I'm here!" He says happily.

"O-okay, Craig, I'm on the way!"

When I get into the car, he is grinning at me.

“Hey, good looking. What you got cooking?”

I laugh a little and feel my ears grow hot. “No-nothin’… I’m ju-just… here in the car with you. I can’t cook anything.”

Craig looked at me funny and then gave me a dead-pan stare.

“I can’t tell if you are serious or not. Like… you do know I’m teasing you… like… flirting?”

I nod, but it comes off like more of a twitch.

“I wish you could read my mind, Craig.”

Craig starts driving. “I do. And…” he puts a finger over his lips. “I think you are wondering what I wanted to talk to you about. Right? Maybe you are … a little worried?”

I almost scream in surprise by his revelatory remarks of my mental status, making Craig jolt a bit, slamming the brake into the incoming red stoplight. “Shit!” He yells, and I look at him apologetically.

“So-sorry, Craig. Agh!”

Smoothly, Craig fixes his blue hat and looks at me with a wink. “No problem, babe.”

“You… you’re too nice, Craig. I don’t deserve you.” I look down when he literally pulls over and takes my hand.

I get a bit lost in his blue pools for eyes, and he says seriously, “Move in with me, babe.”

My eyes widen. “H-huh?”

“Well…” he blows a bit of air near one of my more stray locks of hair, his other hand moving toward it to gently pull it around my ear. “I fucking love you, man. We have been together for… over eight years now. We are about to graduate… so?” He looks at me imploringly.

I take in a deep breath. I think about him—-and our relationship together thus far.

It’s been wonderful with him. Full of respect, trust, open and honest communication and just… fun and the most amazing stuff ever. The most beautiful thing ever—-being with Craig. When I’m with him… I don’t feel lost. I feel at home. I feel… at peace.

I nod. “Yes, I will. I will move in with you, Super Craig.”

Craig cracks a grin so big, even I’m shocked—-he jumps a little in his seat and then does something on his phone.

“Yeah! Score! I’m in!”

I look at him confused. “What?”

“Oh. Sorry, Tweek, honey…” he looks at me funny. “I just group texted everyone you said yes! I’m sooooooo happy.”

“Okay. That’s good… I’m… uh, but, sweetheart, remember our song, Put it Down? You gotta drive sometime. So…” I point to his phone.

All of a sudden we heard a massive flurry of text alert sounds and notifications.

Craig nodded. “You’re right. I will. Right after this…” he puts down his phone, but then he starts to stare at me.

“After what?!” I say, my voice squeaking a little.

Craig leans in, his hand on my jawline and cheek, caressing it softly.

And then—-swiftly but softly, he kisses me. Right on the side on the mouth. I don’t say it, but I want to kiss him longer… with more tongue. But, I am too excited from the prospect of moving into a place with him.

“Mmm. You taste like coffee and my adorable little Wonder Tweek!” He says, and then starts to drive again.

“It’s cool we still play that… even if it’s… a little childish,” I say, grinning at Craig’s proposal from a moment ago and how happy he got from my approval.

“Yea. I can’t wait. I know the first thing we’ll do together.”

I sigh. “Wha-what’s that?”

“Hmmm.” Craig sighs in a wistful way. “Do your laundry.”

I laugh. “You would!”

“Yup. And Stripe will be there to watch!”

I smile. There have been a couple of Stripes… but we always manage to make them like our kid. Kinda.

“And we will watch Red Racer, too!!” I said.

Craig grinned. “Aww, honey. You’re sweet. You don’t have to.”

“I like it. It’s cool.”

“Well, we are eighteen!” Craig says as we pull into a drive through to order dinner.

“So… we’ll always be kids at heart. Right, Super Craig?”

We give each other a loving look and nod.

“Right, Wonder Tweek.”

Author note: I wrote this to get out of a bad funk. Hope you liked it! Please leave a small heart or a small tip if you really liked it. -thanks. Melissa