Twilight Tantrum

I'm still a little bit shocked that I decided to write this. Currently, it's 5:06 on a Saturday and my wonderful husband decided to take our daughter out so I can get a break to do the human person things that I need to do... in order to feel like a human being. I guess this is one of them? Midnight Sun came a few months ago and I debated for about two weeks with myself whether I was actually gonna read it. I read it. One day during that debate I was having a super hard day and I found myself in the Walmart book line grabbing a copy because honestly... it was a mental escape. That day I didn't rationalize or think I just did it. Plus, I was influenced by a few friends who had just rewatched the whole series.

I think the reason why I was conflicted about reading Midnight Sun was because I have a certain bitter taste in my mouth from reading that series when I was younger. When I first began reading it, I was about 13 years old, entering eighth grade and at the time I gobbled it up. Yes I was one 0f those fans that had the shirts, posters, and a to go copy of the first book but also a hardcopy for home bound days. In the back of my mind, I wanted Edward Cullen to basically be my first boyfriend.

However as I grew and matured, little by little I realized books like Twilight develop an unhealthy fantasy for girls who are just hitting puberty. Girls like me lived too much in those books and in their heads to realize that real life relationships are not like that... and would you want them to be? The majority of my YA days I wrestled with that questions... what kind of a relationship would it be in reality?

I think I finally came to terms with why an Edward Cullen character is so attractive to young women and I think it's because of this:

1. He is mysterious and shadowed: He carries that persona in the book but in reality.... mystery can turn into lies and shadows can turn into being manipulated to do things you don't want to do.

2. He is old fashioned: This one I knew for me was obvious, he lived very much in the past and his behavior was old fashioned in itself. It's not necessarily a bad thing but a character like his was stuck in the past and refused to see life how it was...in the moment.

3. He is emotional: Emotionally unstable I grew to realize as I... grew. I liked a guy like that... quite a bit during Junior year of college but guess where all that emotional instability lead? Mixed signals and a lack of commitment. If you read Midnight Sun, you'll know what I mean. Indecisiveness is not a good thing when it's done often. Especially when it comes to toying with people.

4. He is the perfect guy: Edward is portrayed by Bella in the books as this guy who literally is an IDOL. She worships the ground he walks on and honestly that's such an unfair standard to real life relationships. It leaves no room for messing up, for being a person, for forgiveness, and going through life together even when both parties fail each other from time to time. We all mess up, none of us should idolize each other because it's not reality. Idolatry refers to a person that is worship worthy, mistake-less and none of us can say we are that.

Regardless of all of the reasoning above there's a certain nostalgia feel to Twilight. Reading Midnight Sun was a good read to someone with a more mature and analytical mind. But it was fairly... Nostalgic. It reminded me of how much I've changed. However, it also reminded me of how much I haven't. It helped me realize and try to plan how I would approach the adolescent years with my child and how I'd want to teach her to analyze with thought regarding what she's reading. I think we all have things that remind us of age 14. Whether it's music. people, movies, or books... to immerse ourselves in it for a minute once more as much older people and see how we respond.

Thank you for my to my Twilight soap box.