This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things!!

Comcast vs Fox vs Disney, FIGHT!

Holy f*** is this s*** going cray. Like, what in the f*** even people? Holy mother of god. Ok, Comcast, I know you're scared, I know. But like, who told you this was the best possible course of action? People already don’t like you and this isn’t helping, at all.

Gather around here kiddos, let me back up a smidge and give you some context.

Sooo, you all been paying attention to this Fox/Disney deal? Cause crap’s gotten hella complicated. Because now it’s turned into the Fox/Disney/Comcast deal. At first, it was all relatively simple, cept for the ‘Fox’ X-men movies they’re trying to decide how to handle. R.I.P New Mutants. I wasn’t looking forward to that anyway. I feel bad for Dark Phoenix though. That had some potential.

In layman's terms, Fox went,

“Oh crap, we’re doing bad! Ummmmm, sell things!”

And Disney came in all,

“Did somebody say Sky? As in the largest digital distributor of content in Europe?”

Which Fox responded with,

“Um no, that is a thing we’re selling but no one said anything about it”.

To which Disney went,

“I’ll take it all *throws stack of bills on the table*.”

“I thought you just wanted Sk-”

“I said I want it all! Draw up the paperwork now!”

Meanwhile, Papa Disney is going to work and Kevin Feige is jumping up in down behind him yelling,

“Dad! Hey Dad! They have like half of the characters I don’t have! Dad! Do you even know what I could do if I get the whole set?!”

You like that? I liked that. But yeah, for other people this is about the 6 major companies turning into 5 and Disney possibly forming a monopoly. For comic fans though, it’s about the X-men and Fantastic Four coming home to Marvel. We could finally have nearly all the characters together under one roof! Cha-ching for Disney and happiness for the fans.

But THEN! THEN! THEEEEEEEN! Comcast! Mofo’s all ruining your internet, being the only provider in your area, goddamn Comcast! They go over to Universal, who might I add still have some of the rights needed so Marvel can make a Namor movie, give me my sparkly sea elf you fiends, came outta left friggen field to teamed up and went,

“Einen minute, bitte! We want in!”

It’s actually very understandable, especially from a business/company standpoint. The six major corporations are going down to five and that is a scary prospect for all the other companies. Disney wasn’t exactly a small player before anyways and this will just make them bigger.

The offers from the companies differ like so, Disney has offered Fox 52.4 billion in stocks. It’s likely this number will only grow along with Disney’s success, but in the unlikely event Disney starts to suffer and their stock goes down, ala the 70s, Fox could end up losing more than what they were paid. Comcast has countered with an offer of 64 million in cash. That translates to, "Here, have the money now." Fox wouldn’t have to worry about losing any money, but they also won’t be gaining any money which is something they’d very likely do from the Disney stocks. Let’s be real, I don’t think that Disney dry spell of the 70s and early 80s is gonna come back anytime soon.

The reason this is bad for Marvel fans who want to see the children reunited with their parents is because of "Legal Conditions." What it boils down to is this: if it were just Disney buying Fox the deal would be done AT THE EARLIEST, by sometime next summer. BUT! Because of Comcast butting in, it could prolong the deal indefinitely. Next summer turns into the next and then the next, etc.

Now, worse case scenario, Comcast wins the bid and acquirea Fox, but not all is lost. A lot is lost but not all. Technically, Comcast can't get the Marvel IPs because the deal was made specifically with and to Fox. With Fox gone, the deal is null and void so the properties would defer back to Disney/Marvel. The only thing Comcast could do is try to dispute Disney’s claim and eventually, they will lose unless they can really pull something out of their ass.

Now, why would they go to all the trouble of disputing the claim to the properties if they’d just eventually lose? Because they,

A: want Disney to shell out and give them something and they'll make the whole ‘dispute’ go away, or

B: are delusional enough to think they might actually win, and while that’s going on characters just sit there.

Therein lies the main problem, because the characters will be tied up in a legal battle and no one will be able to use them for anything! No movies, no shows, nada. Basically, if Comcast wins, there’s a good chance everyone else will lose. But who knows. Maybe they won’t be dicks about it. Maybe they strike a deal early and get the characters quick. Maybe we’re worrying for nothing and Disney will win in the end. Only time will tell and it’s just too incredibly early to make any kind of call. But not too early to start panicking and hyperventilating! Get your paper bags kids, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.

*Strained breathing*