The Hard Truths: An Entrepreneur's Diary of 2023

30 November 2023 - 2:45 p.m.

As the sun sets on the last day of November 2023, I find myself pondering on the eventful month that has been. The strain of tiredness, worry, and never-ending obstacles has taken a toll on both my physical and emotional health. I can't say I'm at my best right now; in fact, I'm far from it. I've been battling illness for the past week, which has only contributed to the pile of difficulties I've been facing. The path to success appears hazy, clouded in ambiguity, and I've found myself on the verge of quitting up.

Setbacks and disappointments have plagued my efforts to build and grow my firm. Despite my best efforts, especially in terms of advertising, I have had no customers. To say the least, it's upsetting. I've been wrestling with the idea that maybe this isn't my time, that some cosmic power is conspiring against me. My desire to see my enterprises succeed is strong, but each endeavor feels like an uphill battle that ends in defeat.

I took the difficult decision to take a break last week, only to be confronted with the unpleasant company of illness. The struggle continues even as I work to regain my health. Medication only provides partial relief, and my skin feels like it's crawling all the time—a physical manifestation of the psychological agony I'm experiencing.

At the same time, I'm traversing the difficult terrain of job hunting. The promise of finding remote work remains a beacon of hope, but the reality of my situation is forcing me to examine other options. If things don't improve soon, I'll have to consider getting a job and relegating my businesses to the status of a side hustle. The monotony of just scraping by to pay bills is wearing on me, and I feel imprisoned in a cycle of financial insecurity.

This year, my endeavor to diversify my revenue streams failed miserably. A sacrifice of nine wigs and three mannequin heads has yet to result in a single sale. Despite intensive social media promotion, potential buyers remain deafeningly silent. Financial advantages appear to be difficult without paid advertisements, and even with them, success is far from guaranteed.

In the midst of this sea of difficulties, a ray of hope shines through: I am learning. Each difficulty teaches me to overcome periods of lethargy, challenging me to rise above TikTok and social media diversions. This adversity serves as a furnace, developing in me a tenacity I didn't realize I have. While I am exhausted, I hold out hope that these lessons may set the groundwork for a brighter future.

One of the few solaces in this tough period is the deadline I've set for myself—until the dawn of 2024. A deadline to actually stress, to assess whether the panorama of my life will change. I long to see changes that will justify continuing my efforts rather than giving up on several fronts.

In the midst of this mental tempest, I have a strong want to purge, to let go of the emotional loads that threaten to swallow me. Vomiting becomes symbolic—an evacuation of the negativity coursing through my veins. It's a visceral reaction to the weight of uncertainty and the understanding that the road ahead is fraught with difficulties.

In order to maximize my resources, I've asked my mother to purchase two extra phones. Personal indulgences must be set aside in times of financial distress, according to the logic. The emphasis changes to exploiting existing assets as prospective income streams. It's a practical approach developed of need as I navigate the complex dance of reconciling financial restrictions with entrepreneurial objectives.

Despite these practical techniques, I can't shake the overwhelming sense of demotivation. It's not only physical illness that's bothering me; it's a fatigue that pervades my spirit. The need for financial security and peace of mind resound loudly in my mind, overshadowing ephemeral moments of motivation.

I harbor a deep longing for a change in fortune, both materially and mentally, in the quiet corners of my thoughts. The yearning to escape the never-ending hardships that have defined this chapter of my life is palpable. As I stand on the brink of indecision, I can't help but wonder if the chances are stacked against me or if there's a ray of hope waiting to illuminate my path. Only time will tell if these lingering questions will be answered.

As I weave the intricate tapestry of my life, I am reminded of my inner strength. The fight, albeit difficult, serves as a monument to my fortitude. The road, with all of its ups and downs, is shaping me into a person who can weather life's storms. It's a painful transformation, but it could pave the way for a brighter, more resilient version of me.

So, on this last day of November 2023, among the chaos and uncertainty, I take comfort in knowing that every challenge, every setback, is a stepping stone toward growth. The road may be perilous, but the lessons gathered along the way serve as the basis for an unwritten future. As I prepare for the trials that lie ahead, I hope that by 2024, the story of my life will have changed for the better.

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Please check out my previous article here: Resilience, Reflection, and a Fragile Thread of Hope

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