The Empire Strips Back

In March 2020, I purchased tickets to 14 different theatre productions, spanning the rest of the year.

And then — within a week or so, Covid and the pending lockdowns eventuated.

A couple productions were immediately cancelled but the bulk of them have been rescheduled — some for the third or fourth time.

One of those productions, The Empire Strips Back, was finally set for 25 February 2022. After holding the ticket for almost two years, the day had finally arrived.

I was extremely excited after all this time but I definitely picked a good day to rekindled my love of the theatre. What with the unusual rain activity causing flooding in the area, getting to the theatre was a little tricky but I was determined to go.

The theatre was the beautiful Fortitude Valley Music Hall, a venue that could hold thousands and have the two most gorgeous crystal chandeliers.

On arrived there was a queue, with so many people and the air abuzz with excitement, that they all braved the weather — as did I.

Inside this gorgeous venue there were people everywhere, trying to find their seats, ordering at the bar, finding old friends and generally have a great time.

The show commenced and although the burlesque ladies were fantastic, absolutely gorgeous and talented dancers, there was a comedian that would regale the audience for approximately five minutes between songs. This was obviously a ruse so they could prepare the stage for the next song.

However, this so called comedian bored me, and most of the audience it seems, to tears.

I found myself wishing the night away, ready after fifteen minutes to head home.

Credit where credit is due, the first song produced a female Luke Skywalker, washing her Land-speeder, whilst wearing a g-string and tiny bra. The best damn Luke Skywalker we have ever seen — beauty wise.

Back to the comedian, again not at all funny, prior to the curtains parting again to show two Twi'leks, beautifully clad in a net teddy and performing a graceful dance.

Back to the comedian……..sigh!

The curtain parted and we were introduced to Princess Leia and R2D2. There was nothing sexy about R2D2, but the princess was soon scantily clad and absolutely stunning.

After a few more acts and the yawning of the audience whilst the comedian took the stage, we finally arrived at half time.

I seriously considered leaving and heading home but in hindsight I am so glad I stayed.

The second half of the act was pure gold — why? The comedian never returned.

There was another comedian taking his place but instead of five minutes of absolute drivel between songs, this comedian only wasted thirty seconds each time to announce the next act. He even managed a funny joke and comment or two.

The second half introduced us to a female Jedi Knight, Emperor Palpatine, Imperial Guards, Bobba Fett — shooting flames on stage — Chewbacca, C3PO — again a gorgeous female specimen dressed in gold plated armour, a delight to the eyes when the Jawas de-clad her — a full-sized Jabba The Hutt and rideable Tauntaun.

But the two characters that stole the show, a dominatrix Darth Vader — a gorgeous female who stripped down to a tiny g-string, performing a suggestive dance routine to the Imperial Match and Han Solo, the only male dancer in the production and oh boy, could he dance!

The two final acts were the climax of a fantastic second half and both had the audience on their feet.

The first of the two final acts, ten sexy storm troupers clad in black bikini bottoms and hard plastic white bras, helmets and thigh guards. Stunning and very sensual to the eye.

But the final act, was the ultimate encore — Yoda playing the drums, Darth Vader, scantily clad — playing the guitar — the second comedian singing and the gorgeous scantily clad stormtroopers — sans helmets, dancing to the beat.

The audience was on their feet and there was nary a silent guest in the house.

The sexuality side of the production was very tastefully done with the normal burlesque titillation and taking it one step further with the baring of breasts and any sightings of nipples only glimpsed teasingly, at the closing of the curtains or the dimming of the lights.

The night’s music featured so many different genres, from Michael Jackson — go Han Solo, how you can dance — to Bon Jovi, Nicki Minaj, INXS, Lana Del Ray, Guns n Roses, Portishead, Bonnie Tyler, Meatloaf, Tenacious D — just to name a few. A great selection of favourites, recognisable by most of the audience.

After seeing this production, you’ll never think of the original Star Wars Trilogy in the same way again.

All in all the second half made an enjoyable night had by all.

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Originally posted on Medium