The DC Problem

Detective Comics, or DC, has a major problem with the fundamental aspect of its universe. Every violent confrontation has no basis in reality given the rules established by the writers and characters. In theory, every supposed conflict in the DC universe should end with one of the many godlike beings using their godlike abilities to end the problem pretty much instantaneously.

Let’s start off with something basic that is rarely pointed out in DC canon but must be true if the characters were to behave at least somewhat like we’re led to believe. That is, if the heroes of DC truly want to save and protect the world they would be using their powers in the most effective way to achieve that goal. This is why it should be impossible for any human organization, nation, or people to wage war against other humans through conventional means.

The Flash can single-handedly end any war between humans within a couple of hours, at most, thanks to his abilities which include intangibility, super speed, he can learn any subject or skill in a matter of seconds, time travel, electricity generation, kinetic energy absorption and manipulation, invisibility, and access to a separate dimension. In the simplest of cases, the moment Flash hears about war, he could transport the leaders of the war into his personal dimension called the Speed Force where they can talk out their differences for as long as they need before he returns them a few seconds from when he grabbed them (yay time travel).

While the leaders are discussing, Flash could run around and destroy or otherwise eliminate every single weapon involved in the war. Humans would have to resort to using sticks, rocks, and maybe bows and arrows to fight each other. Even then, Flash can move faster than time. This means he can be everywhere at once and stop every attack by every person involved in the war before anyone gets hurt. Imagine trying to shoot somebody but before you can even pull the trigger, the gun vanishes. Imagine trying to punch someone in the face but winding up 30 miles away from them before you even get close.

Now you might be thinking, “Okay, Flash could do all of that if he knew what was going on, but he has no way of knowing what any human is thinking at any given moment.” This is true. He can’t, but the Martian Manhunter can. Martian Manhunter is one of the most powerful telepaths in the universe and can scan the minds of every human on the planet at will, even if he’s on the moon, within a matter of moments.

Technically, the heroes of DC should know exactly who is trying to do what at every given moment of the day. Then, one of their speedsters should be resolving the issue before conflict even happens. There should be no war, no crime, no random acts of violence, no car accidents, and even no manslaughter. Imagine, a child starts to feed a piece of chocolate to a dog and before the child can even offer it, the chocolate disappears from its hand. If the DC heroes were doing their job to the best of their ability, pain would cease to exist.

DC contains a version of Earth where nobody should come to external harm from another human, animal, or natural disaster ever. But, that still doesn’t solve the problem of inherent conflicts between people. For example, not all wars are founded on hatred; some are founded on a necessity for natural resources. Firestorm is a hero with the ability to control and adjust the molecules that make up our universe which is really just a fancy way of saying he can perform alchemy. Basically, he can instantly turn any substance into another substance. No water? Firestorm can remove water from the air. No food? Firestorm can turn the dirt into bread. No clothing or shelter? Firestorm can literally make you whatever you possibly need out of any available resource.

If we add in the technology granted to us by heroes like the Atom, Superman, Cyborg, and Steel then there really isn’t a way for everybody to not have all their basic needs met. Every disease on the planet could have a cure or vaccine. Any tumors or growths could be safely removed through the use of nanobots that go into the body. All unwanted jobs could be performed by highly intelligent robots who never need to be paid or have their emotional needs taken into account. Those who are currently dealing with a physical disability could simply have it fixed whether it’s getting replacement limbs, correcting bone structure, or restoring a lost sense.

Every normal problem humans face has a simple and straightforward solution offered by at least one of the many DC superheroes. DC’s Earth should be a world where nobody ever starves, goes without clean water, is sick, gets physically hurt, or has to worry about being able to survive until the next day. People’s time would be spent doing things they enjoy and only things they enjoy because there is no need for them to worry about needing to do anything. Given the new state of the world, overall mental health would begin to improve as the stresses of everyday life would be gone. Those who have chemical imbalances or still need mental health treatment could have one of many telepaths look into their mind to see exactly what their problem is and how to address it.

DC has more than simple human problems. There are cosmic beings, alien threats, and magical gods that can affect Earth and its inhabitants. However, every cosmic or otherworldly problem can be resolved by either Flash, Green Lantern, or Superman. Together, they have the ability to warp reality in any way they see fit. They can create life, travel between dimensions, defy the laws of physics, and perform feats thought impossible even by their closest allies.

Superman can lift infinity. He can lift an infinite amount of weight. He can see the entire electromagnetic spectrum to whatever scale he wishes whether it’s looking at the individual particles that make our universe or looking across the entire universe. Superman can hear in space where sound can’t travel. Not only can he hear in space, but he can hear sounds before they reach his ears. Despite having no natural invulnerability to magic, Superman proves time and time again that blasting him with powerful magic won’t actually kill him. Beyond magic, which really just annoys him, he is immune to all other forms of harm and damage. He has no need to sleep, eat, or breathe. He cannot get tired or sore and he doesn’t actually age.

For those of you yelling out, “Kryptonite! He’s weak to kryptonite though!” Here’s how Superman’s supposed weakness actually works. He gains power from solar radiation; yellow sun works great and blue suns work even better. When he is exposed to useless radiation like that of a red sun or kryptonite the cells that absorb radiation essentially become clogged up with stuff he can’t turn into power. Kryptonite isn’t a weakness; it’s an inhibitor. If Superman is close enough to a large source of helpful solar radiation or has enough stored in his body, that inhibitor gets overpowered and kryptonite won’t even make him weaker.

Once, Superman came across a foe he could not overpower, so he took that opponent to the end of time where it couldn’t hurt anybody. In a similar vein, Flash can take anyone he wishes into his personal dimension, the Speed Force. The Speed Force is no normal dimension; only speedsters can travel between the dimensional barriers at will. Meaning, that as long as Superman handles the small number of existing speedsters (which he can do easily) Flash can trap every foe that threatens peace in a dimension they can never escape from.

Every threat, be it Darkseid, Doomsday, the Greek pantheon, alien invaders, or the Lords of Chaos would lose in a fight to Superman and Flash either by being overpowered or being trapped from where they can’t escape. Even if Flash eventually dies, Superman has access to both the phantom zone and the whole “take the enemy to the end of existence” thing he can do to accomplish the same effect as Flash and his Speed Force.

While Superman has some of the most ridiculous feats, the real trump card of the DC heroes is Green Lantern. His power, and I wish I was joking, is that his ring allows him to do anything he can imagine so long as he wills it. Superman and Flash may be powerful but Green Lantern is literally omnipotent. He once fought the embodiment of willpower, the very being that he draws power from for all of his feats, and beat it. He overpowered the source of his power, which should be impossible, but again, his power is to do anything he can imagine as long as he wills it.

That’s the nature of DC’s heroes. They are gods who try to blend in with humanity. They want to be normal people even though they have powers and abilities that far outweigh anything humans could ever accomplish. Superman is an immortal, super-intelligent, indestructible, infinitely strong alien being who just wants to be accepted as an everyday newspaper writer. Wonder Woman is a being of pure power crafted by the gods who wants to have everyday friends that relate to her. Even Batman could use his incredible wealth, expertise, and highly developed skills to address criminal activity at the source instead of simply punching the symptoms. But, despite his legendary status in society, Batman is still a 12-year-old boy who misses his parents and tries to make a new family all his own.

Next time you read a mainline DC comic keep in mind that you have to suspend your disbelief from the very beginning. DC’s problem is that every reader has to ignore what they know and love about the characters in order to enjoy the stories those characters take part in. Otherwise, every Superman story should be over in a few pages where Superman hears a threat, goes to the threat, and stops the threat; the end.

DC’s problem highlights a problem in many of our stories about heroes trying to save the world. To quote an underappreciated villain, “You want to save the world, but you don’t want it to change much.” Our stories about how the best of us act with incredible power, our superheroes, reflect an underlying belief of humanity. We want the world to be better without sacrificing the things we enjoy. We want there to be peace as long as nothing has to change about the way we live. We want to be happy as long as that means we still have total freedom.

This isn’t possible. The world DC should be isn’t a world most people would want to live in. A world where nobody can hurt another even if they tried. A world where every need you have is met without any effort on your part. A world where you have limited agency in your life. A world where you aren’t allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. A world where it’s pointless to ever be angry or upset because you would never be able to act on those feelings in a way that harmed others or yourself.

A world where everything is perfect and completely void of humanity.