Sweet Mamba Jamba Is That A Shark?

After this past year and all of the time spent in quarantine, I've had to find some new and creative ways to keep myself occupied since going out wasn't an option (and in all honesty as an introvert I didn't mind all that much), but that didn't mean I could just sit around and watch paint dry (which I did actually do in the early days of quarantine as I helped my mom repaint the entire downstairs, but that's a different story for a different day). Several months into being locked up, I'd already exhausted my favorite movie and show options and even made a good dent into the unread books that had accumulated on my shelves and I craved something new.

Having been quarantined from one another and the outside world for sometime at this point, my sister invited me over for a long overdue girl's night (we had both been off of work for at least two months by this point and felt safe being within close proximity to one another).

Now, you hear me say girl's night and you probably think wine and snackie-things and chick flicks. This is where you would be terribly wrong. We treat it like mini bender and scour Amazon for possibly the worst and yet usually turn out to be pretty fantastic sci-fi shark movies. My sister is obsessed with shark movies and somehow I've gotten sucked into this and in all honestly I look forward to our next shark movie date night.

So here we are two hours into drinks that are more alcohol than anything else. surrounded by pizza, chicken wings, chicken nuggets, Taco Bell and McDonald's fries (the more food the better for different levels of drunken snacking because honestly you never know who's gonna want what when) we start our binge of crappy movies.

Reasons why we are addicted to these movies are simple:

1. They usually have a pretty decent story line that is followed through (though the acting is usually awful, but truthfully that's part of the genre)

2. The carnage. Gotta love sharks and the chomp and all of the blood. Usually some poor guys half eaten body trying to crawl away (despite all this the blood and "gore" isn't even that bad and you don't see that much other than a ridiculous spray of bright colored "blood")

3. The awful, I mean truly astoundingly terrible, graphics. As most of us know, these beautiful movies aren't usually top chart movies and aren't making it the big screens. Low budget movies give you low budget CGI, but that only adds to the majesty of these movies.

If you're a fan of Sharknado (or any sci-fi shark movie) I highly recommend these following glorious films for your next quarantine feasting pleasure:

1. Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda (Or any Sharktopus movie, much like Sharknado there is a whole franchise.) 3/5

A mad scientist has created a terrifying creature known as the Pteracuda, a cross between a pterodactyl and barracuda as a new weapon for the government. When the killer pteracuda breaks free, it's up to another fearsome hybrid - the Sharktopus - to save the day. Will the sharktopus be able to defeat this terrifying creature? Which monster will win?

I love this movie because of the absurdity of the hybrids. As with most sci-fi movies, they create and bring something to life that would most likely never exist in our world. Due to the pteracuda's unique combination and structure, it not only swims incredibly well, but it can also fly which only makes it that much more terrifying as it sores and aims like a missile on it's victims.

Not only do you have the fearsome pteracuda to worry about in the sky, but you have the almighty sharktopus in the sea. This monstrous creature, half-shark half-octopus, not only swims incredibly well and fast, but can walk on land! (Because what is more terrifying than a shark no longer being contained to the water?)

As per usual, there is human intervention as the government tries to undo what they've done, but the real story is focused on the monsters as they fight one another, an epic battle to the death.

2. Sand Sharks 4/5

A beach town has been plagued with recent shark attacks and visitors and locals have been weary about going near the water. Finally feeling like it's safe to return to the water, they quickly learn that it's not the water they have to fear, but the sand itself! The sharks have evolved to swim through the sand!

I love this movie because it has very similar feels to the classic Jaws. It's a beach town and there is evidence of these attacks, but no one knows who or what is causing them. We, as the audience, are given the information of the attacking sand sharks, but no one else truly knows until a bit into the movie.

What makes the sand sharks unique is their adapted skin to move or "swim" through the sand. The sand sharks are an urban legend that only the town's resident "crazy" old man seems to actually have knowledge about.

The epic "carnage" scene comes a little over halfway through the movie when the mayor's son throws a beach party for spring breaking college students to help bring revenue to the town. Thoughtful thinking, but he doesn't adhere to any of the warnings given by local law enforcement.

The team (made up of a scientist, local law enforcement, the mayor's son and the local crazy) attempt to hatch a plan that will bring all of the swarming and terrorizing sand sharks to a localized area so they can finish them all off at the same time! Will the team be successful? Who will make it out alive?

3. Poseidon Rex 3.5/5

When a scuba team goes searching for some long-lost Mayan treasure, they accidentally awaken a prehistoric predator when they set off some underwater explosives. This fearsome creature is equally equipped for land and sea, terrorizing and destroying anything and everything in it's path.

Yup. That's right. It's a dino shark. It mostly looks like a T-rex and roars and chomps like one, but it has fin-like arms and a bit of a dorsal fin-like spine. The first sightings of the creature are in the water where it attacks a party boat of tourists. Where it slowly makes it trip to land. The islanders are asked to evacuate as military help is attempted to be reached, knowing the locals won't be able to take down this menace on their own.

The #1 reason why I love this movie? This song. "Como te llamas." It's pure gold and the only, I mean ONLY, song played throughout the entire movie. Every time some catchy new song would start up my sister and I would joke saying it's the same song (they trick you into thinking otherwise because every time they start the song they start it at a different spot so you're not sure if it's the same song until it hits that slapping chorus) when in fact it is the same song. It's really catchy and will probably get stuck in your head, but it's totally worth it.

4. Avalanche Sharks 5/5

An avalanche awakens ancient spirits on the mountain side. Years ago totems were erected to keep these sharks at bay, but when the peace if disturbed, these snow-swimming sharks are return to terrorize the students on the side of this ski mountain once more.

This movie, by far, has been my favorite out of all of the shark movies that I've watched with my sister. Avalanche Sharks has an interesting and compelling storyline that moves along pretty well and doesn't feel too forced as some movies in this genre tend to be. The main characters have to figure out what has triggered the attacks of the sharks and how to solve them. And it's probably one of the most "realistic" shark movies with twists of sci-fi and magical realism. These sharks are more like spirits than actual sharks, but they can solidify to devour their prey as they slice through the ice and snow on the side of the mountain.

Out of all the movies on this list, I would highly recommend this one if you plan on only watching one of these, but it is also a great place to start your sci-fi shark journey.

*please drink and/or binge watch responsibly.