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Six Marvel Characters That Will Never Be In the MCU

Characters too crazy for Marvel to put on TV or the Big Screen

By Joachim HeijndermansPublished 7 years ago 4 min read
© Marvel Comics
With the explosive success of Marvel's Cinematic Universe (or MCU) approach to filmmaking, combined with their vast library of characters, it seems there is no end in sight to the long string of appearances by the players from the House of Ideas. But there are some characters that might be better off remaining in their comic books, as any live action appearances on film or TV simply won't work for them. Here are six Marvel Comics characters not suited for the MCU.

6. Egghead

© Marvel Comics

A super-villain who went up against Ant-man on a number of occasions, Elihas Starr a.k.a The Egghead, first appearing in “Tales to Astonish” #38 by Stan Lee, Larry Lieber, and Jack Kirby, was an evil scientist whose head was shaped like an egg...and that about sums it up for what makes this character notable. He has no real powers or any notable storylines and would look just silly no matter how much you downplay his most notable feature when slathering some poor actor with make-up. He doesn't even commit egg-themed crimes, which already puts him behind Vincent Price's Egghead on the 60's Batman show.

With the already large list of evil scientists in these movies, who usually manage to end up looking more intimidating than in their source material, do we really need another one whose sole defining feature is a weird deformity, and would have been completely forgotten if it wasn't for the fact that Ant-Man doesn't have much of a list of memorable villains?

5. Hellcow

© Marvel Comics

While Howard the Duck's appearances in both Guardians of the Galaxy movies were fun little easter eggs, there is little doubt most of his rogues gallery would be deemed too silly, even for a franchise that gave us lines like: “I'm Mary Poppins, y'all”. The Hellcow goes right to the top of that list.

Created by Steve Gerber and Frank Brunner for “Giant Size Man-Thing” #5, The Hellcow, also know as Bessie, was a simple cow who fell prey to count Dracula, only to be turned into a vampiric bovine of the night, flying through the air, feasting on the blood of innocents and spreading vampirism with her milk. Yes, all of that is true. And while it would be amazing to see on film, I doubt Marvel will ever be ready to go that far, outside of a joke on “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D”. But the “Got Milk” tie-in would be amazing.

4. Jack of Harts

© Marvel Comics

Appearing as a side character in “Deadly Hands of Kung-Fu” #22 by Bill Mantlo and Keith Giffen, this oddball eventually rose up to the ranks as a member of the Avengers. Why? No-one really knows. The son of an earth scientist and an alien woman from Contraxia, Jack Heart (yes, really), was exposed to a compound known as “Zero Fluid”, giving him powers that also required him to constantly wear a containment suit that make him look like a Jack of Hearts (oh, now I get it...I just don't get the card motif).

While the planet of Contraxia made an appearance in “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2”, it is unlikely that a character with a rather awkward (but admittedly unique) design could appeal to a wide audience. With strange powers and a set of clashing themes (playing cards and space hero...okay), Marvel would do well to focus its films on more appealing cosmic the Toad Men!

3. Black Talon

© Marvel Comics

Can we watch a movie with a character who even Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth, couldn't take seriously? Probably not. This necromancer boasts the impressive ability to summon the dead. And when the dead have superpowers, this villain could be a genuine threat. And yet, he still dresses like a chicken.

This poor voodoo-using villain, first appearing in “Strange Tales” #172 by Gene Colan and Len Wein, is trapped in a catch-22 of on-screen portrayal. Could his silly appearance be fixed by taking him out of his costume, like with other characters that preceded him? Yes, but then he wouldn't be the Black Talon anymore. But if you keep the chicken costume he would be, as said so eloquently by Deadpool, forever known as “the chicken man”. Some people just can't catch a break, outside of a tongue-in-cheek nod in “Big Hero 6”.

2. Stilt-man

© Marvel Comics

While his incompetence and losing streak is practically a running gag by this point, when this Daredevil villain first premiered in “Daredevil” #8 by Stan Lee and Wally Wood, he was portrayed as a legitimate threat to the man without fear. But in a cinematic universe filled to the brim with gadget savvy villains, a guy who makes himself really tall isn't much of a threat to anyone. Iron Fist could take this guy. The Runaways could take this guy. Happy Hogan could take him out with a well-timed punch, if the poor guy doesn't get trapped in power lines first.

Making a once serious character a joke has worked for Stilt-man in the comics, and he is all the more memorable for it. But any attempt to make him a serious villain on the silver screen is doomed to failure. Also, the Netflix shows can't spare the money on a silly effect like that. They're saving that for a better fight choreographer for “Iron Fist”.

1. Slapstick

© Marvel Comics

Doing successful comedic characters in MCU movies is not difficult. The MCU has actually prided itself in the use of snappy banter and a lighthearted mood in their films. But throwing an actual cartoon character, with wacky sound effects and access to hammerspace, might just be pushing it.

Slapstick, created by Len Kaminski and James Fry III in “The Totally Awesome Origin of Slapstick” #1, is the most “comic book” of comic book characters, fighting crime by using cartoonish antics. While this would work in animation, it would be jarring to have someone so drenched in Looney Tunes logic prancing around the MCU. He would have to be toned down by a lot and made more “realistic” and “grittier” to fit the general mood of the franchise. But with a character this upbeat and enjoyable, adding any sense of darkness just to fit him in a film franchise would be lunacy (which didn't work when they had him committing aggravated assault against his drill sergeant during his time as a member of the Avengers Initiative).

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About the Creator

Joachim Heijndermans

Joachim is a freelance artist and writer. He writes short stories and draws comics. Likes to travel, paint, collect rare toys, and read in his spare time. His fiction writing has been featured in magazines, websites, podcasts and television

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