Retconned - Captain America: Civil War

Retconned: “Fixing Franchises, One Plot Hole at a Time.”

I want you to try to remember the plot of 2016’s Captain America: Civil War.

Surely you remember the plot of the absolute monetary grand slam of the MCU before Black Panther and Infinity War? The movie that makes the top of every professional and amateur “definitive” top ten Marvel movies list?

Now tell me. Why were they fighting?

Was it because of the Sokovia Accords?

Was it because of Bucky?

Or was it because of some half-assed attempt to introduce Helmut Zemo into the Universe and make it seem as though they were fighting over nothing at all the entire time and that the conflict was bound to happen at any moment with the right set of circumstances?

If you chose the third option I am impressed that you could even remember such a pivotal plot point that seemed to be thrown away and buried with every second of Iron Man stopping an attack with his blue glowing palm.

Now while Civil War did have some good moments: Spiderman, the bonding of Bucky and Sam, paprika, the plethora of fight scenes; those great moments don’t make up for a lack of a compelling story. A few sprinkles do not a sundae make.

To make things clear, my problem with Captain America: Civil War is not the fact that it is not a faithful adaptation of the comic; because if the MCU has made anything clear, faithful line by line story adaptations are not in their interests and it has suited them well thus far.

My issue is that Civil War is less of a movie and more of a 2-Hour “Previously On…” reel.

Actually, condensing Civil War into a 30-min re-cap would have a tighter plot than the full two hours. But hey, instead of pulling a Civil War and just throwing plot points at you without any background, let me give you some substance.

The Issue: Too many plot lines that don’t meet to satisfy one end goal.

Every character has a goal. And every story has an end. Often the character’s goals and the story’s end run in tandem with each other. This is not the case with Civil War.

The first conflict we are met with is the destructive ramifications of battles between superhumans. From the look of utter devastation on Scarlet Witch’s face as her diversion of Rumlow’s attack leads to the death of hundreds in a nearby office building to the confrontation between Tony Stark and Miriam Sharpe over her son’s needless death in said incident, the audience is made aware that with big destructive powers comes big destruction and that something needs to be done to stop it before it becomes out of hand.

So comes forth the Sokovia Accords, a treaty that makes the Avengers (not all superhumans mind you- just the Avengers) government regulated, meaning that they only assist when the UN deems necessary.

Tony, Widow, and Vision say okay, Capt. and Sam say no way, Scarlet Witch is too busy trying to figure out how to make sweet love to a robot to give an answer, and Hulk and Thor are finding themselves in the galactic love palace of Jeff Goldblum (clearly the smartest option in my opinion.) Also, Clint is retired. I don’t what type of pension you get for being a superhero but let’s hope for Clint’s sake it’ll help feed his kids.

Now, this is where the plot should have stayed. The ending goal is clearly defined: find a way to stop needless casualties at the hands of superhumans. Each character has their own way of achieving this. Team Iron Man’s goal is to stop needless casualties through government intervention and regulation. Team Capt.’s goal is to stop needless casualties through peer intervention and regulation. These goals could easily have clashed by having the UN be more of an aggressor, force Team Capt. to sign, or be exiled and punished. There still would have been fighting, sneaking undercover, recruiting other supers to join their cause…

But no! This isn’t an Avengers movie, this is the finale of the Captain America trilogy… we have to resolve the plotline with Bucky!

Get all of your ancient “Buck did nothing wrong!”’s out of the way now, because while Bucky did nothing wrong, the writers certainly did.

The second conflict we’re introduced to is the bombing in Vienna whilst signing the Sokovia Accords. We’re introduced to T’Challa and his father, his father dies in the explosion, and then a grainy security cam video of “Bucky” circulates over every news station because, you know, no else in the world could possibly look like Sebastian Stan from the eyes up with ease.

The government and T’Challa want Bucky’s head, while Capt. thinks that Bucky is innocent until proven guilty. Now while that is truly the American Way™ I have a question:

The last time we saw Bucky he was still brainwashed, released into the wilderness somewhere with the promise that Sam and Capt. would go looking for him. Clearly, they didn’t do that until just now when he posed a threat (great testament to your friendship, Steve), and apparently Bucky’s doing just fine in Germany this entire time? Got a nice apartment, goes grocery shopping, seemingly no need to kill despite his over 40 years of brainwashing.

But despite all this everyone wants to kill him, so Capt. saves him and sets out on an epic brotrip to prove Bucky’s innocence.

Now before I even discuss how we can handle the Winter Soldier plotline more properly, we have to address our third and final major conflict. The wrench in gears: Helmut Zemo, avenging the death of his family during the events of Age of Ultron, has decided to tear the Avengers apart from the inside.

Planning the bombing during the signing of the Sokovia Accords, framing Bucky for said bombing, infiltrating the government, brainwashing Bucky into telling him about the HYDRA Winter Soldier project and the events of the 1991 murder of Tony Stark’s parents, then luring Tony, Capt., Bucky, (and T’Challa?) to the remote cryofacility holding said Winter Soldiers in order to reveal that Bucky killed the Starks to Tony in order to permanently damage his friendship with Steve.

Talk about unnecessary, dramatic, and filled with plot holes. It isn’t revealed until the very end who Helmut is and why he is doing what he is doing, and they don’t even really go into detail about how he had the ideas or means to track down Hydra members and intel. One scene of him waterboarding a Hydra member doesn’t phase me. “He was on a Sokovian kill squad doesn’t tell me jack shit about his connection to Hydra! All it tells me is that he is really good at killing. Why should I care about Helmut? Why should I fear him? What real threat does he impose? I know Helmut’s supposed to be there to create dramatic irony, but instead of cinematic thrills, all he creates is questions.

As it exists Captain America: Civil War is a tangled box of Christmas lights. Some strings work, some strings don’t, but they’re so wrapped around each other it’s almost pointless to pull them apart. Instead, we settle to keep them on the shelf as a memorial to Christmases past and buy this year’s latest multicolored LED line.

Well, I’m a cheapskate who doesn’t settle and demands her Christmas lights to last five years minimum regardless of whether or not they’re a tangled mess.

So let’s fix this:

Keep the opening: The Lagos mission goes wrong, superpowers cause civilians to die. Make it that among the Wakandans involved in the incident are T’Challa and his father. T’Challa’s father dies and T’Challa vows to make things right and to keep dangerous superhumans like Maximoff off the streets. He blames her for his father’s death entirely. This makes the Lagos incident a more definitive final straw rather than just some building being partially destroyed and nameless, faceless, people dying because of it.

The Sokovia Accords happen. Team Iron Man wants to stop needless casualties through government intervention and regulation. Team Capt. wants to stop needless casualties through peer intervention and regulation. T’Challa joins Team Iron Man with the condition that Maximoff is permanently detained. Tony accepts and instead of a prison cell, he places Maximoff in a secluded, high-security estate with Vision as her watchdog.

The Vienna Conference occurs but there’s no bombing, it’s instead used as a publicity stunt showing Tony, Nat, Rhodes, and T’Challa signing with big smiles. During this Capt., Sam, and Sharon attend Peggy’s funeral.

Now let’s add in our Bucky Boy. Have the Secretary of State order Team Iron Man to start tying up loose superhuman ends, starting with the Winter Soldier. Nat lets Sharon know, Sharon lets Steve know. Steve goes to secure Bucky before Team Iron Man gets there, gets caught in the act, and the epic chase scene ensues.

Bucky isn’t a hundred percent better, he is still is easily triggered into entering a murderous rampage, but is made into a much more sympathetic character with a willingness to overcome his handicap. Steve, Sam, and Sharon go to find the only person who could give them answers: Brock Rumlow.

Rumlow doesn’t die in the opening but is instead terribly wounded and imprisoned, acting as our Chekhov’s gun since the beginning. Captain America’s biggest beef has always been with Hydra, why not give him the chance to truly eradicate it from his life rather than, you know, have him go on some wild goose chase involving an ex-Sokovian kill squad member?

With Sharon’s help, Steve and Sam break into prison only to find Tony waiting for him. Tony tries to level with Capt. saying that it’s safer to have Bucky in custody. Capt. argues with him saying that Bucky is sick and that Rumlow is the only hope left to fix him. Tony lets him and Sam see Rumlow on the condition that they provide the information to the government when they turn Bucky in so that they can work on treating him. Steve agrees.

Rumlow tells Steve that there is a way to reboot Bucky, a fail-safe, but it’s located in the Siberian Hydra facility where Bucky was kept, and that only a Hydra member can open it. Steve and Sam break Rumlow out behind Tony’s back.

Security cameras catch the entire escape and Tony is raked over the coals for his assistance. In order to ensure Tony knows where his loyalties lie, the Secretary of State shows him a video that was recovered from an old Hydra facility: the footage of Bucky murdering his parents.

Tony assembles a team to meet and stop Steve in Siberia. Tony recruits Spidey.

Nat warns Steve to be prepared, so Steve assembles a team. Sharon brings Scott Lang, while Steve calls in a favor to Clint. Clint breaks Maximoff out of the estate.

The teams meet and battle outside of the Hydra base: Tony, Nat, T’Challa, Rhodes, Vision, and Spidey vs. Capt., Sam, Bucky, Maximoff, Clint, and Lang.

T’Challa takes on Maximoff, holding her accountable for his father’s death, she is partially protected by Vision, but the fight comes to a head when Maximoff breaks down and shows her humanity, remorse for what she has done, and her deep desire to have more control over her powers. T’Challa realizes how his quest for vengeance has blinded him to viewing Maximoff as a monster rather than what she is: afraid. He leaves Vision to handle her.

Spidey and Ant-man provide comic relief while kicking ass the same way they did in the Costco parking lot- I mean airport battle. Rhodey does not sustain his back-breaking injury in this fight.

Nat helps to provide a distraction so Capt. and Sam can escort Bucky and Rumlow into the facility. Tony catches Nat, berates her, and then in his rage and thirst for vengeance blasts his way into the facility after Capt. T’Challa and Rhodes follow. Nat follows on her own accord. Vision and Spidey keep watch of Maximoff, Clint, and Lang.

Just imagine the hilarity of grumpy old-man Clint being wrapped up in web bing with Scott while Spidey berates them with his Avengers fanboy questions, and the adorable image of Vision consoling as shaken Maximoff in the snow. Movie magic.

Rumlow “searches” for Bucky’s cure but instead turns, because Chekhov’s gun, releases the other Winter Soldiers and reads their activation code, which also completely reactivates Winter Soldier Murder Princess Bucky.

An all-out brawl ensues as Tony, Nat, Steve, Sam, T’Challa, and Rhodes put differences aside to take down the Winter Soldiers. However, Tony seems more focused on taking Bucky down, which Capt. tries to prevent at all costs eventually leading to Bucky being the last one standing and Rhodey getting his potentially fatal back injury due to Tony’s negligence.

Bucky gets knocked out by Tony and Capt. pulls him off saying that the fight is finished. Tony says that as long as he is alive it will never be finished, and that dangerous people like Bucky slip through the cracks when you do things Capt.’s way. T’Challa interjects stating that fighting like this is what lead to this mess, pointing out the urgency of Rhodes’ injury. Tony tells Capt. that it’s him or Bucky. Capt. lifts Bucky over his shoulder and walks out, leaving his shield behind. Sam and Nat follow

Capt. breaks the captured heroes out of prison and Bucky is put under the care of Wakandan scientists with T’Challa’s blessing as he tries to rebuild the bridge that Tony burnt with Steve.

Ah, look at how neat those Christmas tree lights are, not a single knot in sight!

The Captain America films have been defined by his conflicts with Hydra and his friendship with Bucky. By removing the Helmut Zemo plotline, we can bring the focus back on those themes that had defined the series thus far. We can also fully realize the effect that Steve’s personal struggles have on the people and institutions around him.

Hydra and Bucky are his weaknesses. Just like Marty McFly has to fight when he’s called ‘chicken’, Steve Rodgers has to take action the moment Hydra or Bucky are involved, repercussions be damned.

Civil War should have used this to its advantage, creating a narrative that puts a strong, definitive end cap on the Hydra-conflict of the Captain America trilogy while informing the character dynamics going into Infinity War.

Instead what we got was a shitty bridge built with cheap concrete painted gold. It drew us in with its sheen and got us across to the other side; but once you put too much weight on it, it crumbles.

Captain America: Civil War is the empty cereal box of the Marvel Cinematic Universe because while previous films satisfied both parties by providing quality content and receiving high box office success, Civil War left us hungry and wanting while it basked in the afterglow of garnering 1.6 billion dollars from a sloppy film that sat on the shelf looking full with promise but turned up empty upon closer inspection.