Never Enough

Warning: some controversial and emotional stuff

"We aren't getting a pet, Patton," Logan said sternly.

Patton was so insistent in having them be parents to a young life, but, due to multiple reasons he was too scared to tell Logan, he decided they should just look after a pet rather than a kid.

"If you give me a good reason, I'll stop bringing this up," Patton claimed with confidence.

"You wouldn't properly feed it!" Logan claimed.

As a result, Patton went to one room and came out with a binder where he showed multiple time charts of when to feed multiple animals and how much.

"They would be tough to clean up and clean up after!" Logan tried to argue.

After a few turns of pages in the binder, Patton revealed pages of cheap and effective essentials needed to clean up pets and clean up after them.

"Well...there isn't enough space here for a pet!" Logan claimed with more evidence that he was struggling for a reason.

At the mention of that, Patton turned to a page that mentioned the details of their house including the square footage, which was more than enough property for a pet to roam around. He also brought attention to the finances that Patton could afford with Logan as well as on his own. From the looks of it, Logan regretted informing Patton of the importance of keeping a paper trail, but he was too stubborn to back down.

"Why would you even want to look after a pet? You're not responsible enough for one!" Logan claimed with a lie he told himself was a last resort.

Patton was stunned by the remark; after all the hard work he did to be able to see eye to eye with Logan, he still wouldn't be willing to do more than just treat the chipper man as someone lower than him? To avoid crying or going into a rampage, Patton put the biggest grin on his face and decided to put on his happiest voice.

"Oh, thank you, Logan! I never would've seen how careless I could be without your help. I almost thought that I'd actually maintain my dream of being a father figure with some help, but I can see you'd let anyone but me take on the role if they showed you the same binder and knowledge. I guess all the time seeing a therapist and getting an abortion was a waste of time!" Patton proclaimed with his cheeks and eyes hurting so much.

As Logan's eyes widened, Patton went to the bathroom and grabbed his pregnancy test from inside a plastic bag and showed it to Logan. Logan took a good look at the test before looking at Patton.

"When...when were you going to tell me?" the teacher muttered.

"When I took the test weeks ago. You were going off about adding night classes to your agenda so we could have more money to our names even though we have more than enough. The hesitation made me notice...I wasn't as excited about being pregnant as I thought I was. Also, not that you really noticed, but I came home later than usual several days of the weeks due to seeing a therapist. I recognized my optimistic facade causing me to underestimate myself thanks to everyone else doing the same and also recognized I liked the idea of looking after something rather than actually parenting a child. So, I thought getting an abortion and researching necessities for pet care would be responsible enough for you to at least pretend you actually feel love for someone you clearly look down upon."

As Patton spoke, his demeanor deflated and he sat on the couch. It wasn't long before he looked away from Logan without feeling much of anything.

"Why didn't you say anything to me about any of this?" he heard Logan say.

"Simple, a dead oak tree has more empathy and my therapist is the only one that gave me a reason to open up. I had to advocate for others all my life and even at moments when I felt the rewards from karma, I was never free long enough to treat the rewards as more than an accessory. I thought that, this time, if I could at least be tolerated by someone I had a crush on and looked up to, maybe we could see eye to eye on something without him treating me like an idiot because puns were my way of studying. I just had to be patient, just like I had to be my whole life, but I've never waited long enough."

Patton didn't look at Logan nor did he cry. He felt like he didn't deserve to unleash the tears that contained many harsh emotions over so many years and that looking at Logan would prove it. Patton grabbed his phone to make arrangements to work overtime as well as reserve a nearby hotel. By the time Logan finished processing what had happened, Patton started to pack a bag. Logan rushed to the man he called his boyfriend and tried to speak to him. Patton focused on packing his bag before he headed for the door.

"Patton, don't do this please!" Logan tried to say.

"I don't know if you said that because you actually care about me or because someone called you out for making a mistake and, frankly, I don't think it even matters. I'm going to a hotel on my own dime and working overtime. With enough luck, some time apart can either force you to notice my effort or turn me into you. I love you, Logan, but I need to think about my own needs and wants more often!"

Once Patton went out the door, Logan saw the man drive off and the whole ordeal replayed in his head. He thought of his intention to claim seeing the eyes of a pet would be different from seeing his own eyes on a child look back at him, but noticed it was stupid and not-so-genuine as he was acknowledging the bits of proof that Patton was smarter than he gave him credit for.