Movie Review: 'They/Them/Us' A Sitcom Trying to be a Movie

They/ Them/Us is a modern sitcom crossed with Fifty Shades of Grey. Though the movie has some minor charm it lacks anything to truly make it special. They/Them/Us is another in a surprising yet slow growing trend of sex positive movies that have the appeal of not shaming people over their sexuality but the film also carries the tone deaf quality of a woke dad, trying way too hard to show the kids how cool he is.

They/Them/Us stars Joey Slotnick as Charlie Goldman, a college film professor recently separated from his wife. Charlie is getting back out into the dating world while also trying to co-parent a pair of obnoxious teenagers eager to blame their parents for every minor inconvenience in their life. For Charlie’s son, Danny (Jack Steiner), that means getting heavily into drugs, first marijuana and then psychedelics. For Danny’s sister, Anna (Shanna Strong) that means complaining that no one is doing anything about Danny.

While dealing with the drama of his divorce, which also includes a clingy ex-wife who desperately wants him back, Charlie has begun getting into the online dating scene. One woman in particular, an artist named Lisa (Amy Hargreaves), has grabbed his attention. What Charlie doesn’t know yet is that Lisa is into kinky sex, specifically S & M with a particular affinity for spanking. Part of the story of They/Them/Us, is Charlie learning to embrace his new girlfriend’s kinks and adapt to them.

Lisa herself has a pair of teenagers. Her youngest, Courtney (Sarah Eddy), is a pretty typical teenage girl with typical teenage girl taste and style. Then there is her oldest, Maddie (Lexie Bean), a non-binary teen with they/them pronouns. Maddie is struggling against the tide of people who seem to choose to misgender Them, especially at school where teachers seem insistent on calling Maddie a girl.

Maddie’s inclusion in the story may seem important based on the title but it is little more than a nod to the way society is changing, as if a trans character, specifically a teenager, is necessary to modernize the movie. Maddie’s plot about being misgendered is not about Maddie but rather about how Charlie handles it by overcorrecting and working extra hard at making sure that he is sensitive to Maddie regarding pronouns. That’s a nice quality for Charlie to develop but it’s an indication that the movie really isn’t interested in Maddie but rather how Maddie fits into Charlie’s story.

So, what is Charlie’s story? He’s a middle aged guy moving into a whole new world that he’s still learning about. That includes trying to understand the modern teenager and dealing with his own sexual desires in a healthy way. After years of repression Charlie moves slowly into the world of kink, at Lisa’s urging, and he takes to it with minor difficulties along the way. This is treated in an awkward but nevertheless positive way and I can’t fault the film for the effort to unashamedly approach sex in the way it does.

That said, there is an inert quality to They/Them/Us overall. The movie is mildly amusing, mildly dramatic and often just spinning its wheels on the way to no real moral to the story. It would appear that the story should be Charlie learning to be more open and willing to try new things but the movie never shows us a version of Charlie that isn’t already open to new experiences. Charlie isn’t portrayed as someone who needs to learn a lesson and grow and if that isn’t the character arc, then what is?

Considering that Charlie is the only character who is given significant screen time, he’s in almost every scene, his lack of a compelling arc is a significant problem. The other characters in They/Them/Us are desperately underdeveloped, they all act in service of Charlie’s story and since his story is lacking a recognizable trajectory, the movie doesn’t appear to be going anywhere. What’s left are sitcom set pieces that feel like ideas for an episode of a show that doesn’t exist.

There is nothing terrible about They/Them/Us, everything is perfectly adequate in presentation. The film simply lacks an overall purpose, a moral or a lesson of some sort. Since this isn’t a comedy, in the traditional sense, the film can’t fall back on just going for laughs, it’s not funny enough for that. So then, what is supposed to be driving this story? If Charlie isn’t changing all that much, other than trying sex he’s never tried before and taking to it very quickly, then what is the point of They/Them/Us?

They/Them/Us debuted in limited release on January 28th, 2022.