"It's Cold Outside" Is Not a Pickup Line

Even as I'm typing this, it still blows my mind that this actually happened. Before I think it's too ridiculous to consider real, here we go.

Some time ago, I announced to my coworkers that I was planning on having a Holiday party at my place for the sake of us coming together and having fun. There weren't formal invitations, so it was for anyone at work who wanted to come over. In hindsight, maybe formal invitations might've kept the incident from happening. As I was headed back to my shift, I was bumped into by a coworker (let's call her Nicole). We glanced at each other on occasion, but never really had official conversation. She told me she intended on going to the party, but she seemed...weird about it. I just took it as her wanting to know another coworker.

As I was getting ready for the party, I was spending as much time as I could with my husband, Virgil. Virgil is an antisocial introvert, especially when it came to those he wasn't familiar with. However, he was willing to at least try new experiences with certain accommodations. That being said, we agreed that he would join the party to try to greet some people and snag some snacks for at least a few minutes before he would hang out in our bedroom to listen to some audiobooks and music until I texted him that everyone had left. Since it was getting closer to Christmas, we figured that we would spend the following weekend gorging on leftovers and watching Disney films.

As the party was going on, things seemed to go as planned. Fortunately, I've told my coworkers about Virgil so that they don't potentially corner him until he suffocates or talk his ear off. Virgil took some cookies and we subtly kissed before he prepared to go upstairs. When he reached the second step, he turned to me and claimed that he had a weird vibe from Nicole and told me to be careful. I was puzzled, but kept his warning in mind since there are usually reasons behind his anxiety.

As it was getting later, my coworkers were leaving one by one intended to get home before they could get trapped by the snowstorm that was supposed to hit us. Eventually, the only coworker who was in the house was Nicole and she seemed like she was trying to get extra friendly with me. The snowstorm came and I was worried. Nicole had a plastic cup of eggnog in one hand and looked out the window before loudly declaring, "Well, I should probably get going." Now, I didn't know if fate forgot I'm not straight or if fate wanted to make her look like a fool, but the playlist I had for the party started playing "Baby, It's Cold Outside" just as soon as she said that. I told her it was too dangerous to leave and, as much as she claimed she needed to get home, she seemed pretty sluggish in doing so. Without much thought, I sang, "I'm gay and you'll die outside," while having her look out the window. I don't know what I expected to happen, but her rubbing my arms and shoulders while claiming she couldn't possibly take me up on my offer for her to stay the night. I backed away from her and suggested she take the guest bedroom so that there wouldn't be much problem sleeping. She asked if I couldn't just keep her warm with some snuggles and I just brought her to the guest room with some extra blankets.

I met up with Virgil in our bedroom and locked the door before changing into my pajamas. I lied down next to Virgil not long after and Virgil smirked at me.

"Nicole is still here, is she?" he asked.

I nodded with exhaustion and faced my husband and held him close.

Once I sent Nicole on her way the next morning, I thought it would be the end of it. However, that evening, I was scrolling on Facebook and noticed a notification on the group chat my coworkers and I shared. There was a message from Nicole that consisted of a fabrication of what happened at the party. She talked about me being clingy and forcing myself onto her. I saw some of my coworkers making responses telling her that I wouldn't cheat on my husband and that I was gay. I saw responses from her that seemed to imply that she bought her own story. I decided to respond with the link to an old post of mine of me holding Virgil in my arms with the caption: Hubby says he's not tired. What do you think? as well as what actually happened and it wasn't long before her post was deleted. Moral of the story? If you want validation, hitting on a gay married man and posting lies is the least ideal way to gain it.