If This, Then That

There isn't much more that the western world has in common other than an almost unnatural fixated obsession with netflix. "Netflix and chill?" has become the number one used pick-up line of our generation, beating the hit line, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" line of the 80s and 90s.

But it can be a harrowing world out there, if you don't have a virtual navigator to give you a tour of your options. And there's nothing worse than diving into an 8-season show like Supernatural to realize that the entire show is just about a pair of hot brothers hunting haunted creatures from liminal realms.

So what is there out there really for a wayfaring fellow like yourself, or for a gentlewoman with refined taste and an unmatchable wit?

Fear no more, weary traveler of the virtual realms, for the perfect TV guide is here.

'If this, then that.' Similar shows run in packs. Categories can be made. Classifications can be deduced. We can make sense of anything in this large scope of a universe. Anything at all. I'll show you how.

1) Royalty: Shows about royalty can broadly be deduced as a classification, a genre, in fact, a category. Now, overlapping categories, crossover genres, also exist. For example, if you liked Bridgerton, chances are, you'll love "Reign", and the film "Pride and Prejudice". And it also might be true that you'll like Black Panther, which also has a handsome, powerful black lead. You might also like Gossip Girl, in which there is a female narration and more powerful male and female characters, where there is a deep wit running throughout the series. And there's also a good chance you'll like "Downton Abbey", which also like "Gossip Girl" and "Bridgerton" have a sagelike female voice narrating the show. There's also a tangential chance, by said rubric, that you'll appreciate the hit show Weeds, for the same reason, or even Pretty Little Liars. Dynasty may indeed be a good fit for you if you would love to follow the tale of Fallon Carrington, played by Elizabeth Gillies ("Jade" from "Victorious") a wealthy daughter of a tycoon who blunders her way one frivolity to the next to the family fortune, whilst collecting the perks of being heir to a billionaire dad (I'm truly sorry for this synopsis, but it's fairly accurate).

2) Supernatural Beings: Say you're a fan of Once Upon A Time, a seven season saga about a list of fairytale characters that are frozen in time in a place called Storybrooke, where the evil queen of Snow White has suspended everyone's magic so that they can never realize who they really are (which relies upon the help of a young boy Sam to break the curse). Well, most likely you'll also become a fan of Grimm, a series about magically-endowed people that hunt monsters in the spirit world. You'll probably also appreciate The 100, a show where 100 delinquents are sent to a post-apocalyptic earth in the hopes of repopulating the world, who slowly learn they have superpowers. Indeed, you may also like Sense8, which follows 8 random characters who one by one not only discover their magical powers but also how they are all intrinsically connected. The movie Cloud Atlas may apply to you in a similar vein of atemporal sci-fi takes on paranormal supernaturalisms. If you're a fan of vampires, you may enjoy "The Vampire Diaries," and if you're a fan of werewolves, you may like "The Order," "Legacies," "The Originals," and of course, "Teen Wolf." "Bitten" is one you may not know about, written from the perspective of the world's first female werewolf.

3) Fantasy in General: If you loved The Magicians, a powerful tale of a group of kids that are taken into the underworld of magic to defeat demons and save the school from the fairy queen, and the man with butterflies for a face, you'll probably absolutely be obsessed with "The Shannara Chronicles", which may fill adult you up with the same delight that little you experienced upon finding The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe as a little boy or girl, or even Harry Potter in that used bookshop in London. Now, in my view there aren't nearly enough shows about magicians, so good on you for having exquisite taste. Magic is no laughing matter, unlike our next category.

4) Comedy: If you love a good wholesome comedy, you're going to want to check out "The Wrong Missy", a fantastically glib tale of a man who invites the wrong woman on a trip that ends up really being a hell of a ride. "The New Girl" might be worth checking out by said accounts; it does, after all, have 7 seasons of hilarity ("It's Jess!"). The live recording of Whitney Cumming's latest show, "Can I Touch It?" is fantastically hilarious. I'm aware all of these cross-reference with feminism, which is a deliciously glorious combination in the opinion of myself and other evolved adults. If you liked "The Office," chances are you'll love "Parks And Recreation" which sports some phenomenal (and famous) actors like Aubrey Plaza (in my view one of the funniest people to have ever lived and if you don't agree with me, put "Interviews of Aubrey Plaza" into your youtube searchbar and get ready to LOL. The deadpan approach has never been used so well in all of history. "Brooklyn 99" is technically a crime series, but it's so funny that it may as well cross-reference with comedy. "Scrubs" is technically a medical show, but it's also campy and hilarious.

5) Medieval Fighting/ The Art of War: If you loved "Game of Thrones," there is not a chance in hell that you won't also like "Vikings," or the film series, "The Hunger Games," and "Divergent," which are all about factions of people forced by dystopian regimes to become extremely skilled in combat in order to survive. Chances are, you're also a "Lord of the Rings" fan and that you prefer "Star Wars" to "Star Trek." "King Arthur"may entrance your medieval sensibilities, as an historical account of the days of Arthur and the Knights of the round table. As a modern counterpart to that theme is "Arrow," an eight season extravaganza about a billionaire playboy named Oliver Greene who hunts down villains from his father's notebook as a vigilante known only as "The Hood."

6) Sci-Fi: Did you know that there's more to sci-fi than witches, wizards, warlocks and vampires? There's also werewolves, the High Fae (the plurality for fairies, referring to the empire of them), druids, dryads, nymphs, rovers, rogues, elves, sorcerers, sorceresses, and more. "Black Mirror" is the perfect show to watch if you're into Sci-Fi, because it fits into the subcategory called "Futurism" and the "Dystopian" genre. It also cross-references with "Supernatural" category. "Stranger Things" also fits into this category. Of course, "Xena: Warrior Princess" is the finest sci-fi series we've seen bar none (well, maybe excluding "Star Trek") because it employs ample use of magic, from the boomerang weapon to clairsentience to meeting Amazonians and sorceresses in the woods. It isn't on Netflix anymore however - it can be found instead directly on the Sci-Fi channel, or on Hulu. And let us not forget about "The OA"! For the longest time, this dystopian show was the talk of the town; it's all about a deviant research scientist that kidnaps a group of experimentees in the woods in order to conduct crazy psychological research on them that leads to magical ends. "Black Mirror" and "Sense 8" also cross-reference with this genre. If you haven't seen "Limitless," the film and series, you better check both those out, pronto. I promise you won't be disappointed. It's all about a man who finds a performance enhancement drug that gives him heightened intellectual and physical abilities, which leads to a host of disastrous and unforseen consequences.

7) Historically-accurate Melodramas: The hit series "Medici" follows the revolutionary royal family in 15th century Renaissance, Florence through a series of scandals, all historically accurate. By the same token, "The Crown" takes a good look at Queen Elizabeth's reign, in a cinematic look at the events around her legacy that shaped history itself. "The Tudors" follows the reign of King Henry the VIII, one of the most religiously tolerant and forward thinking kings to have ever lived who inspired much of Shakespeare's prose in fact. "Versailles" is a saga following the French King Henry IV in fact and is largely accurate to the fact. "The Borgias" is a similar show to "Medici" and follows a historically popular Italian crime syndicate to their rise of power during the Italian Renaissance, as well. "The Last Kingdom" is a British show that chronicles events around the time period of Sir Alfred the Great, and which is based on the Saxon Tales series written by Bernard Cornwell.

8) Wholesome Teen Shows: I hope this section doesn't lose me the contest. Please forgive me, but this genre has my heart. There are some shows that I couldn't resist creating this genre for and these are them: "The Carrie Diaries" follows the young writer Carrie Bradshaw of "Sex and the City" as she navigates a career in journalism in NYC. "Girl Meets World" is a hilarious and heart-felt spinoff of the hit sitcom "Boy Meets World" that all 80's and 90's babies remember from back in the day ("Fa- fa- fa- feenay!"). And, one can't forget, "Gilmore Girls," "Glee," and "Riverdale," a story about a girl that transfers to private school to go to her dream school Yale, a school full of gifted singers, and a murder-mystery using the characters from the Archie's comics, respectively.

Well, that's all for now! I hope you've enjoyed my navigator's guide to the netflix galaxy, and take some of these recommendations to heart. :)