I don't know how to talk to people, so I study them.

I don’t know how to talk to people. So I study them.

I’ve never felt at ease with anyone. I am more comfortable out on the stable edge where I can cling to the walls and hope to melt into the decor, than in the swirling middle of the masses.

I can’t talk to them, the eyes and mouths and brains in bodies, but I can watch. I can gauge their next move, decide what kind of person they are from the punctuation in their email, whether they say “No, thank you,” or “Nah,” whether or not they hold open the door for the next person, how much they share on Instagram. It’s the little things a person does that really tell you who they are.

Online data is the best way to learn who a person is, as advertisers, campaign managers, and large corporations have already discovered. You are a set of data in human form. Everything from your magazine subscriptions to your Facebook likes can be used to determine who you are, what you will do next, and what you are likely to love.

However, not everyone has access to that technology, so I am here to teach you my ways. I am here to show you how you can learn to accurately predict what someone will love.

I’ll use my neighbor across the hall as the first example. She has a wreath of pink flowers on her door all year long. When I walk by I can often hear the sounds of Murder She Wrote through said door. She also has a welcome mat which reads, “You are welcome here!” It seems an odd choice for someone who watches shows about murder to be so welcoming to strangers.

One day, I wore a shirt depicting Stephen King’s It. She passed me in the hall and remarked, “That Stephen King is far too gorey for me.” That gave me the final clue. I deduce she likes cozy mysteries, or at least mysteries with minimal gore. She wanted to feel good while solving crimes. I wrote her a recommendation on an index card and slipped it into her door frame in the middle of the night.

If you like Murder She Wrote, then you should watch Safe by Harlan Coben (It’s on Netflix).

I do this kind of thing often. I’ve given up wondering what people think about the suggestions. They must be confused, maybe even frightened. Maybe the neighbor will guess it was me. I can’t help it. I have a burning need to introduce people to new things, things I know they’ll love.

A favorite haunt of mine is a sci-fi and fantasy indie bookstore in San Diego.

The people watching is almost as good as the books. I was there the other day, seated in a corner with my stack of books, when I saw a girl wearing a Harry Potter t-shirt. Now, Harry Potter is a popular fandom; many recommendations can be made based on it, so what is absolutely crucial here is to determine why she liked Harry Potter. This will narrow down the list of potential suggestions. Did she love it because of the heart and lovability of the characters (Watch Critical Role on YouTube, or Stranger Things)? Was it the way Rowling played with the idea of there being light and dark in all of us (Watch The Magicians)?

I studied the girl. I needed at least one more clue. I watched as she perused the display of bookmarks for sale. She gravitated toward the ones featuring Disney characters, and eventually selected one of Snow White.

She loved Harry Potter for the heart.

I had a notebook with me and wrote down her suggestion.

If you love Harry Potter, especially if you love it for the heart and whimsy, you will love The 10th Kingdom miniseries. Bonus: Snow White makes an appearance!

I walked over and dropped the note into her purse.

This system has a higher success rate due to the increased number data points collected.

There was another girl in the corner who wore a Shaun of the Dead t-shirt and grumbled about the sun being too bright and how no one reads anymore. She absolutely needed to watch Black Books. I tucked the recommendation into one of her books while her back was turned.

When I left the bookstore and walked home, I saw people on the street I knew I’d never get to make recommendations for. Sometimes I think of shouting out at them when inspiration strikes, or of going around at night and slipping recommendations into everyone’s door. I’ve thought of starting a blog that would allow me to share this knowledge. People could write to me on the blog and tell me what they love and why they love it and I could give them a list.

If you’re one of those people who actually speaks to other humans, the next time someone tells you they love something, ask them why.