How Becoming A Father Has Ruined Me As A Geek

I can't escape it. It's an inevitability that at some point in the near future my life and friendships will be forever altered. A secret shame will be discovered and nothing will ever be the same again...

Ok so maybe that's being a bit dramatic but it certainly feels that way sometimes. In order to really explain what I'm talking about I have to lay some groundwork and begin with an admission that isn't in any way a secret: I'm a geek. Now in this day and age it no longer feels like something that has to be said in a small group meeting in private while I stand and introduce myself "My name is Adam and I'm a geek". In the course of the last ten years the world has grown to accept and in fact even glorify and revel in geek culture. Gone for the most part are the days of dark dingy comic stores where young males gathered to share their forbidden interest. In fact with the advent of the comic book and sci-fi boom of the late eighties, and the later full blown adoption by hollywood it's almost 'cool' to be a geek. None of this really has anything to do with my point but it may explain in some way my emotional attachment to comic book canon. I've always been touched in comic movies when elements that are integral to the comic mythos are accurately portrayed. Case in point: when Chris Evans dives on what he believes is a live grenade with no concern for himself it tickles the heart strings. This in itself is not the problem. The problem comes with my reactions to such things since the birth of son three years ago. Anything that might have brought out the slightest warm feelings in the past now immediately gets connected in my mind to my precious son and that in turn kicks on the waterworks. There it is. Out in the open for all to read: I'm now officially a cryer.

For a male in their late thirties this is perhaps as stigma creating as anything you can imagine. I consider myself as strong as the next gent and I love to hang out with the guys and watch the latest UFC fights with a few beers but this doesn't really jive with the tears that get triggered when Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne share a moment on-screen upon realization that both of their mothers names were Martha.

So is this really a life changing situation? Probably not. I'm old enough now that I've grown a thick skin. I've pretty much come to accept my own strengths and weaknesses and am relatively confident in my own skin. I guess the part that amazes/intrigues/confuses me on the whole subject is the understanding that this won't ever go away. Once you're a parent you're always a parent and even when my son turns the same age I am now I expect I'll still view him as my little boy in some ways. That inevitably means my emotions around him will still be so near the surface that the tears will come unbidden. More and more I find myself drawn to the pop culture characters that are either fathers or sons and I identify with their struggles and joys in more and more personal ways every day. I'm not sure what it all really means but it's here to stay.

So the end of the day there's really only one thing to say when the child-who-will-become-Starlord runs from the side of his mothers hospital bed and turns on his eighties cassette tape mix to block out the emotions he's incapable of deciphering.

"Pass the tissues please."