Fast and Furious

I feel like I’ve been watching these movies for 10 years trying to get to the first one. So we are about to rapid fire these last four. Keeping the chronology straight, or trying to, has been some batshit insane shit to try and do because absolutely nothing about these movies makes sense.

We kick off the movies by robbing a gasoline truck? Sure why not. It was one of the quicker action scenes we’ve seen out of these movies but it was no less ridiculous. Everything seemed remotely plausible until Dom drove under the rolling gasoline truck.

God these movies are so repetitive, “this is our last job”....1000 jobs later.

Is Brian still an agent in the fourth movie??? What the actual hell is happening? The timeline for these movies is actually insane.

So Lettie is dead (except obviously she’s not) and it happens off screen because these screenwriters tell their stories like 5 year olds telling you how school was today. And of course Dom visits the scene of her death and pieces together what happened Humperdinck style by simply looking at the tire tracks…batshit.

Actually hilarious that Brian thought for a second that he could beat Dom in a street race. Also I’m pretty sure during the filming of the first movie they just filmed a bunch of Dom in his car footage and proceeded to use it for every film. Just a bunch of Dominique Toretto stock footage.

The only thing that really makes these movies watchable is that the music director seems to be pretty good at his job.

Apparently this movie is the entrance of Gal Gadot. And it's everyone’s first day as an FBI agent…they really thought Brian would get through this drug kingpins operation with a tracker? Also he just unplugged it, he couldn’t be bothered to plug it back in? Is it the entire FBI’s first day dealing with criminals? Pathetic.

Dom just got shot in the shoulder and apparently that was no more than minorly inconvenient for him. Barely a pinprick I guess.

We didn’t really become “family” until the fourth one. The getting together of Mia and Brian actually seems really random and forced for no reason. It's not like they develop any chemistry whatsoever throughout the rest of the movies anyways. But their relationship is just kind of there.

Patrick and I have concluded that the first film; The Fast and The Furious, is titled because it's like teams. The Fast (street racers) vs The Furious (the cops). And this one is a single street racer (Fast) vs a single cop (Furious). You are welcome.

All the relationships in these movies feel like there should be a lot of connection between the characters and from the characters to the audience but there’s just not. All the connections are kiddy-pool levels of shallowness and it always feels like the audience is missing something.

The final climactic obligatory car scene did in fact go on for too long. That is a trademark fast and furious thing, how long can we make our audience watch cars chasing each other in an entirely unremarkable way? The answer is apparently the entirety of act 3. That’s assuming that these movies have any kind of act structure and for the most part they don’t. Overall Fast and Furious 4 doesn’t defy physics as much as some of the others but the visual effects are not good (it was 2009) and the actual writing is weak at best. Brian holding dude there while Dom runs him down is quite possibly the funniest thing that's ever happened though.