Dunder Mifflin Paper Company - Confidential Emails: If This, Then That

08:34am From:Pamela Beesly; To:Michael Scott;

Morning Michael, Have you finished the article? Don’t forget it’s got to be in today. Thanks,

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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09:07am From:Pamela Beesly; To:Michael Scott;

Morning Michael, Have you finished it yet?

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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09:24am From:Pamela Beesly; To:Michael Scott;

Michael stop ignoring my emails. HAVE YOU FINISHED IT YET??

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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09:26am From:Michael Scott; To:Pamela Beesly;

Pam my emails aren’t working properly, I won’t be able to do it today.

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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09:27am From:Pamela Beesly; To:Michael Scott;

Michael it’s the 30th March!! It’s got to be sent in by 5pm!!

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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09:28am From:Michael Scott; To:Pamela Beesly;

Pam, we have the office Olympics tomorrow. I’m busy writing the rules for the swivel chair relay today. I’ll need you to do it.

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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09:29am From:Pamela Beesly; To:Michael Scott;

Michael!! I’m not doing this for you! I told you about this a month ago

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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09:30am From:Michael Scott; To:Pamela Beesly;

I also have my ‘Improv’ class at lunchtime so I need you to do this for me Pam. I’m ordering you to do this for me. It’s a direct order.

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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09:31am From:Pamela Beesly; To:James Halpert;Michael Scott

Jim,

Michael still hasn’t done his article for Decider.com and the deadline is today. He was supposed to be telling the viewers who enjoyed The Office documentary what they should watch next.

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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09:34am From:James Halpert; To:Michael Scott;Pamela Beesly

Mike, C’mon man. Dunder Mifflin got a lot of good publicity from that documentary. The least we can do is give a bit back to the viewers.

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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09:35am From:Michael Scott; To:James Halpert;Pamela Beesly

Jim, its 500 words!! It’ll take me all day to think up 500 words!!

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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09:36am From:Pamela Beesly; To:James Halpert;Michael Scott;

Michael it’s 5000 words, not 500.

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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09:37am From:James Halpert; To:Michael Scott;Pamela Beesly;

Look Mike, send me what you’ve done so far and I’ll see what I can add to it.

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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09:53am From:James Halpert; To:Michael Scott; Pamela Beesly;

Mike, you haven’t sent me anything??

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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09:54am From:Pamela Beesly; To:James Halpert; Michael Scott;

Jim, that’s because he hasn’t done ANY of it yet.

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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09:55am From: Michael Scott; To:James Halpert;Pamela Beesly;

ALRIGHT PAM THANK YOU!!

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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09:59am From:James Halpert; To:Dwight Shrute;Andrew Bernard; Michael Scott

Guys, Mike needs our help. He needs some ideas for TV show recommendations for something he’s working on. Do either of you have any time to draft up some suggestions?

Needs to be formal so we can go public.

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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10:04am From:Dwight Shrute; To:Michael Scott;Andrew Bernard;James Halpert

Greetings Michael,

I have responded to Halpert’s call to action and produced an instructional schematic for you. It clearly demonstrates how The Office was a detective drama. I have appended it to the noticeboard in the canteen. Photograph attached.

I trust this meets your satisfaction Michael.

Yours Sincerely,

Dwight Shrute, Assistant to the Regional Manager

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10:05am From:Michael Scott; To:Dwight Shrute;Andrew Bernard;James Halpert

Dwight what the hell is that? How does that help? Take that stuff off the noticeboard.

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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10:07am From:Andrew Bernard; To:Michael Scott;Dwight Shrute;James Halpert

Hellooo Boss Man.

I put this little ditty together for you. It’s in F# key. The viewers will love it.

Let me know if you’d like me to pop back home and pick up my ukulele

Andy 'Nard Dog' Bernard, Senior Sales Rep.

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10:09am From:James Halpert; To:Michael Scott;Andrew Bernard;Dwight Shrute

Guys this really isn’t helping much. Mike, I’ll see if anyone else in the office has got any ideas.

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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10:15am From:James Halpert; To:All Scranton Group;

Hey you guys,

We’re doing a publicity piece for Decider.com and we need your input. You remember when the cameras were here for our documentary? Well, we’ve been asked to recommend new shows similar to The Office.

Anybody got any bright ideas?

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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10:17am From:Kelly Kapoor; To:All Scranton Group;

Oh I love this! I love movies soooo much! Ryan loves movies too! When Ryan took me on our 4th date we went to see The Proposal with Sandra Bullock and Ryan said she looked like me. Then on our 7th date Ryan stayed at mine and we watched PS.I Love you with Hilary Swank and Ryan said how much I sounded like her. Then on our 12th date Ryan came over to mine again and we watched Rumor Has It with Jennifer Aniston and Ryan said I had a body like her but then we had an argument and we broke up but then we got back together because Ryan didn’t want to be alone on Valentine’s Day but then we broke up again.

He called me last night and I think we’re going back out again xxxxx

Kelly Kapoor, Customer Sales Representative

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10:18am From:Ryan Howard; To:All Scranton Group;

Oh Jesus.

Ryan B. Howard, Customer Sales Supervisor

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10:21am From:Kevin Malone; To:All Scranton Group;

I watch the Poker channel. And I like Babestation. I like Babes. On Babestation.

Kevin Malone, Accounts Department

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10:22am From:Toby Flenderson; To:All Scranton Group;

Kevin that’s not really appropriate. You shouldn’t really say things like that in company emails.

Can you come and see me when you’ve got 5 minutes, I have a leaflet on ‘Communications in the Workplace’ for you.

Toby Flenderson, Human Resources Manager

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10.23am From:Michael Scott; To:All Scranton Group;

NOBODY CARES TOBY!!

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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10:28am From:James Halpert; To:All Scranton Group;

Guys this isn’t getting us anywhere.

Look I’ve got a copy of Variety Magazine on my desk. It says in 2020 The Office was the most streamed TV show available on all major subscription services. That’s crazy right?

Apparently, Americans collectively streamed more than 57 billion minutes of The Office just last year. So loads of people out there need to know what to watch next. Has anybody got any useful suggestions?

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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10:29am From:Oscar Nunez; To:All Scranton Group;

Jim, it’s about the format of the show. It’s called a ‘mockumentary’ – it’s all about the fly-on-the-wall cameras capturing the human stories. Like you and Pam when you were dating, or Angela’s cats.

Oscar Nunez, Accounts Department

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10:31am From:Phyllis Vance; To:All Scranton Group;

Or like when I got married to Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration!

Phyllis Vance, Sales Representative

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10:32am From:Pamela Beesly; To:All Scranton Group;

Yeah, you got it Oscar, so what other shows are out there that are 'mockumentaries'? Maybe we could suggest some of those?

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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10:39am From:Ryan Howard; To: All Scranton Group;

Look, it’s not that hard. I just googled it for you;

- ‘Black AF’ which is about a black family who have come into ‘new money’ trying to figure out their place in the world

- ‘Modern Family’ revolves around three different inter-related families coming up against everyday problems

- ‘Documentary Now!’ was produced by some of the SNL team and presents itself as a long-running news magazine and flashes back to previous episodes each week.

You’re welcome dumbasses.

Ryan B. Howard, Customer Sales Supervisor

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10:41am From:Pamela Beesly; To:All Scranton Group;

I’m not sure about Black AF. I don’t like that Rashida Jones who’s in it. She reminds me of somebody : (

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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10:42am From:James Halpert; To:All Scranton Group;

She seems ok to me Pam.

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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10:49am From:Andrew Bernard; To:All Scranton Group;

Gawd Blimey Guv’nor, you forgot the British ones old bean!

‘TwentyTwelve’ is a jolly silly romp with the actor from the BBC’s Downton Abbey as the leader of a government department responsible for organizing the 2012 Olympics.

They followed it up with the sequel series ‘W1A’ which had some of the same cast as they carried on their misadventures after the Olympics.

Tally Ho and bless my socks!

Andy 'Nard Dog' Bernard, Senior Sales Rep.

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10:50am From:Erin Hannon; To:All Scranton Group;

Andy why are you talking like that? Are you having a stroke? Should I call 911?

Erin Hannon, Receptionist

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10:51am From:Andrew Bernard; To:All Scranton Group;

I was being British.

Andy 'Nard Dog' Bernard, Senior Sales Rep.

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10:52am From:Erin Hannon; To:All Scranton Group;

Darn it, you're so good Andy, I almost got that one : ) x

Erin Hannon, Receptionist

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10:05am From:Dwight Shrute; To:All Scranton Group;

You are all fools and morons!

Whilst you have all been wasting your time, I have undertaken a full investigation into the subject and found that the website Decider.com published an article about The Office in January by journalist Greta Bjornson. They’ve done the hard work for us!!

She lists the following shows to watch next in order;

The Good Place, Space Force, Community, Schitt’s Creek, The IT Crowd, New Girl and Arrested Development.

There’s even a summary of each show in the article that we can copy - send them that and be done with it. I trust this meets your satisfaction Michael.

Your Sincerely,

Dwight Shrute, Assistant to the Regional Manager

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11:06am From:Pamela Beesly; To:All Scranton Group;

Dwight that’s cheating!! You can’t just take Greta’s recommendations and make them your own. They’ll know we just copied her.

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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11:07am From:Dwight Shrute; To:All Scranton Group;

Only if they’ve read her article Pam! Its called corporate espionage and is entirely legitimate.

Yours Sincerely,

Dwight Shrute, Assistant to the Regional Manager

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11:08am From:James Halpert; To:All Scranton Group;

Dwight, you’re an idiot.

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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11:11am From:Michael Scott; To:All Scranton Group;

Erin can you make sure you’re writing all these ideas down please!

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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11:12am From:Erin Hannon; To:All Scranton Group;

Yep I’ve been writing them all down in my notepad as we go boss : )

Erin Hannon, Receptionist

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11:13am From:Andrew Barnard; To:All Scranton Group;

Wow I love it Erin! Gawd blimey Guv’nor, the gals a bally genius!

Andy 'Nard Dog' Bernard, Senior Sales Rep.

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11:18am From:Angela Martin; To:All Scranton Group;

Well I think Oscar is wrong, it’s nothing to do with fly on the wall cameras. I never liked the secret cameras sneaking up on people behind the shelves in the warehouse. Who knows what people would get caught doing?

I think people liked watching us because The Office was a serious documentary, with no laughing. I hate those TV programs with fake canned laughter. They’re common.

Angela Martin, Accounts Department

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11:19am From:Dwight Shrute; To:All Scranton Group;

I agree with Angela.

Only professionally though.

This doesn’t mean I would agree with her personally. Or socially. Or romantically.

I agree with her professional judgement. As an Accountant only.

Dwight Shrute, Assistant to the Regional Manager

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11:20am From:Angela Martin; To:All Scranton Group;

Thank you, Dwight.

And I agree with you professionally.

As the Assistant to the Regional Manager.

Angela Martin, Accounts Department

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11:21am From:Dwight Shrute; To:All Scranton Group;

That is good Angela.

I would like to see you in the warehouse.

We have things to discuss professionally.

I need some important accounting information. At 11am. Precisely.

Dwight Shrute, Assistant to the Regional Manager

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11:22am From:Angela Martin; To:All Scranton Group;

I would be happy to provide you with your important accounting information Dwight.

At 11am.

In the warehouse.

Angela Martin, Accounts Department

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11:23am From:Michael Scott; To:All Scranton Group;

Guys! Stop talking about work stuff! This is more important!

Don’t derail my email trail!

Hey, I made that rhyme!

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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11:25am From:James Halpert; To:All Scranton Group;

Ok, good point Angela. So everybody think of your favourite show where there isn’t a canned laugh track.

Please can I ask you to write it anonymously on a post-it note and stick it on the canteen noticeboard and we’ll pick the best ones to add to Michael’s article as new recommendations? Thanks,

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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11:26am From:Stanley Hudson; To:All Scranton Group;

Nope.

Stanley Hudson, Sales Representative

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11:27am From:James Halpert; To:All Scranton Group;

Ok, what’s the problem Stanley?

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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11:28am From:Stanley Hudson; To:All Scranton Group;

The problem is Dwight still has all his crap on the noticeboard in the canteen.

Stanley Hudson, Sales Representative

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11:29am From:Michael Scott; To:All Scranton Group;

Dammit Dwight I told you to take that stuff down!

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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11:30am From:Dwight Shrute; To:All Scranton Group;

Dwight Shrute is currently Out of Office. If your enquiry is urgent please contact Michael Scott at [email protected]

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11:34am From:James Halpert; To:All Scranton Group;

Ok, I’ll make sure Dwight takes his stuff off the noticeboard.

Guys, post your shows that don’t have laugh tracks on the board before you go to lunch.

Pam, can you collate all the ideas off the noticeboard after lunch and we’ll see what we’ve got from there. Thanks.

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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11:39am From:Michael Scott; To:All Scranton Group;

Great, good work Jim. Right, who’s coming to Alfredo’s for lunch?

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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11:41am From:Pamela Beesly: To:All Scranton Group;

Michael, I thought you said you had your Improv class at lunchtime

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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11:42am From:Michael Scott; To:All Scranton Group;

Michael Scott is currently Out of Office. If your enquiry is urgent please contact Jim Halpert at [email protected]

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13:36am From:Pamela Beesly; To:All Scranton Group;

Afternoon folks, hope you all had a good lunch!

Here’s all the suggestions for shows from the noticeboard. I took a photo, it was easier;

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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13:39am From:James Halpert; To:All Scranton Group;

Great work Beaseley ; )

Now remember, these are the shows that don’t have laughter tracks on them just like The Office, so we have to remember to tell people they’re not going to find them funny. These ones are just for people that like their shows deadpan. No slapstick here!

Can you make a note of that for Michael’s article please Pam?

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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13:40pm From:Pamela Beesly; To:All Scranton Group;

Jim I’m not writing this for him!!

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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13:42pm From:James Halpert; To:All Scranton Group;

Sure, I know that.

Now does anybody else have extra suggestions for what sort of shows are similar to The Office?

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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13:43pm From:Michael Scott; To:All Scranton Group;

Jim, I had a great idea at lunch!!

We should include shows where the actors are allowed to improvise scenes! We talk about them all the time at my Improv class. That should be easy to make a list.

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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13:45pm From:James Halpert; To:All Scranton Group;

Ok. I’m not sure that would be so easy?

The guys really have to get some work done at some point today Mike.

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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13:46pm From:Michael Scott; To:All Scranton Group;

Sure it will be easy! Everybody knows shows like that. There’s so many of them.

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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13:48pm From:James Halpert; To:All Scranton Group;

I’m not so sure Mike.

I bet you couldn’t write a list of them and put it on my desk by 3pm

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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13:49am From:Michael Scott; To:All Scranton Group;

I’m on it. You’re going to be sooo wrong this time Halpert!!

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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13:52pm From:Stanley Hudson; To:James Halpert;

Nicely done Halpert.

Stanley Hudson, Sales Representative

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13:53pm From:Pamela Beesly; To:James Halpert;

My hero ; ) xxxxx

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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15:07pm From:James Halpert; To:All Scranton Group;

Ok guys, I stand corrected, this is what Mike put on my desk 5 minutes ago.

So yeah, I guess we won’t be including that in the article.

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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15:08pm From:Michael Scott; To:All Scranton Group;

You weren’t supposed to SHOW everybody my working out Jim. That was confidential!

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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15:10pm From:James Halpert; To:All Scranton Group;

Ah sorry Michael, you didn’t write confidential on the top so I kinda figured you wanted everyone to see it.

My bad, I’m still learning this management thing.

Jim Halpert, Sales Manager

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15:22pm From:Pamela Beesly; To: Michael Scott;

So you’ve got all the suggestions you need to finish your article now Michael, right?

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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15:23pm From:Michael Scott; To:Pamela Beesly;

Yes Paaam! I’ve got all the suggestions I need to finish the article.

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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15:24pm From:Pamela Beesly; To:Michael Scott;

And you’re going to send it off before 5pm, right?

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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15:25pm From:Michael Scott; To:Pamela Beesly;

Yes, I know Pam. 5pm!!!!!!!

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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15:26pm From:Pamela Beesly; To:Michael Scott;

I’m serious Michael, don’t mess this one up or Corporate will be all over us again.

And don’t just forward them this email trail and think that’ll be good enough.

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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15:27pm From:Michael Scott; To:Pamela Beesly;

OK PAM THAT’S ENOUGH! I’M THE BOSS HERE AND I’VE WRITTEN LOTS OF ARTICLES BEFORE THANK YOU!!

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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15:28pm From:Pamela Beesly; To:Michael Scott;

Well ok then. Now I’m going home now Michael as I was in early. Don’t blow this one!

Pam Beesly, Office Administrator

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15:29pm From:Michael Scott; To:Pamela Beesly;

That’s what she said!

Michael Scott, Regional Manager

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From: Michael Scott;

To: [email protected]; [email protected]

17:32pm

Hey you guys, how are ya?

Michael Scott here, you’ve probably seen me on TV’s ‘The Office’. So a while ago Lea Palmieri asked me to write an article for Decider.com (did you guys know I dated her back in High School?).

Thing is, I don’t really do articles. I’m more of a thesis kind of guy. No, a dissertation! Actually, maybe a theorem. No, thesis, let’s go with thesis.

So it turns out Lea wants me to write this ‘Thesis’ and send it to the people at Vocal. So I got my people to talk to Lea’s people who talked to the Vocal people who talked to my people. Anyway, I kinda didn’t get round to the thesis you asked for.

But there’s loads of great suggestions in this email trail, I counted about 20. I thought maybe you could just edit out the bits that you don’t need? If Corporate asks make sure you tell them I sent this out on time. They’ve been kinda cranky lately.

Anyway, look me up if you need any paper!

Michael Scott,

Regional Manager, Dunder Mifflin

PS. Actually, look Dwight up as I’m kind busy right now, thanks.