Netflix & Chill For One

Sam’s apartment was a mess.

Sam was such a busy chap, he often found that when he got home from work he sometimes had a lack of motivation to tidy up, make his bed and generally take care of the domestic chores that grown-ups were expected to do.

He’d also noticed that his girlfriend Charlotte was excellent at pointing this out to him on a regular basis.

Well, the hoovering would just have to wait for now as Sam had decided to spend this weekend checking out Netflix as Charlotte was away at her Mother’s. Netflix & Chill for one, as Sam liked to think of it.

A blockbuster here, a trilogy there, maybe even a mini-series if he was in the mood. But there was a problem. What one might call a serious, first-world problem.

The remote control for Sam’s TV had broken.

Not so much broken, as fallen in a bowl of cereal. A bowl of Lucky Charms to be specific. Now normally Sam was not one to panic, however the desecration of this particular multi-function device had serious consequences for him.

Although the TV was turned on at the time of the Lucky Charm incident, it was stuck on the AV channel with a deathly blank screen. He wouldn’t be able to tune into Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu, Disney+ or Paramount+ or indeed any other channel.

He texted Charlotte to see if she would come to the rescue, as she so often did.

‘Remote control dead. Can you bring yours over to see if it works on my telly? xxx PS. Bring Wotsits. And toilet paper’ .

Sam stared at the blank TV screen some more. Perhaps if he stared long enough, he would be able to will it to change channel. He opened his eyes as wide as they would go and stared his strongest, longest, angry stare.

The blank screen stared back, oblivious to Sam’s Jedi stare.

OK, this wasn’t working - maybe he should read a book or something. Sam wasn’t the type to keep his books on display but he was sure there were some Terry Pratchetts in the hallway cupboard.

Sam moved the ironing board to one side, opened the cupboard door and had a nose through the middle shelf. And then he saw something interesting at the back.

Sam moved some board games out the way and carefully lifted out the ancient curiosity that had caught his eye. It was something he had not seen for a very long time. Not since 1996.

I remember this, he thought. Sam carried it back through to his lounge and carefully placed it down on the coffee table in front of his TV.

This was something that was known as a Video Cassette Recorder.

There are many readers who will have being following our story intently right up until the last 3 words of that last sentence, at which point they will have hesitated with confusion and bewilderment.

Therefore, it is for those blessed Generation-X souls that at this point we pause our story and break the ‘4th Wall’. A “Video Cassette Recorder” (commonly known as a VCR) was a device that played movies onto your TV set back in the late 20th century. We used to have large plastic cassettes that we inserted into the front of them and then we’d wire it up to the TV to watch Coming To America the first time. It really was considered cutting edge at the time. It really was.

For those other Generation-X folk who already knew full well what a VCR was, my apologies. But trust me, one day you’re going to have to explain 3D-TV to children born in 2040 and they will find you equally annoying.

So Sam inspected the VCR closely. It had a digital LCD display on the front, a flappy slot for cassettes, various buttons and a power cable attached at the back.

On the side there was a manufacturers label on it, although some of the letters had worn off. Sam could make out a D, and a C, followed by another D and then maybe an R. Everything else had faded with time.

Sam wondered if this bad boy would still work. If it did, maybe he could find some old movies to watch on it and have a bit of retro-VHS and chill time. Sam plugged it in to the socket on the wall and pressed the ‘on’ button.

The VCR whirred and came to life. A small red LED lit up and the neon blue digital display illuminated with the words ‘hello’ scrawling across it from right to left.

Brilliant, thought Sam, we’re in. He decided to press a few buttons and see if there was any response from the machine. He pressed the ‘Play’ button.

The LCD display flickered and changed the scrolling message to ‘Play what?’.

Sam laughed. Nice touch from the manufacturers, obviously that is the programmed response if there’s no cassette inserted. “I dunno you stupid thing, play me a movie!”.

The LCD display flickered again.

‘What sort of movie, Sam?’ it scrolled.

On first glance, this did not seem terribly normal to Sam. “What just happened?” he mumbled to himself.

The LCD display flickered. ‘OK Sam, playing ‘What Just Happened’ from 2008 starring Robert DeNiro’.

Sam’s jaw dropped open as he watched his TV screen suddenly come to life with the opening credits of the movie.

What was going on with this VCR machine?! He never remembered it having any kind of voice activation? In fact, Sam was pretty sure nothing had voice activation back in the 1990’s.

Sam pressed the stop button on the front of the machine. The movie stopped playing and Sam poked his finger in the front flap furiously. It was definitely empty.

Sam looked confused, scratched his head, squinted his eyes and pursed his lips. He couldn’t think of any further facial expressions. He checked to see the cable that connected the VCR to his TV. Hang on a sec, he hadn’t even connected the VCR to his TV. How was this even working?

Ok let’s try this again and see what happens.

“PLAY ME A MOVIE” Sam declared as loudly and forcefully as he could.

The LCD display flickered. ‘What sort of movie, Sam? And no need to shout’.

OK, let’s play this cool, thought Sam, there’s no such thing as haunted VCR’s. “Maybe something like Reservoir Dogs?” he asked.

The LCD display flickered. ‘Something LIKE Reservoir Dogs?’

“That’s what I said, something like Reservoir Dogs,” replied Sam, scratching his stubble curiously.

‘If you liked Reservoir Dogs…’ scrolled the digital display ‘…then maybe you’d like to try another Quentin Tarantino movie?'

As Sam read the words scrolling across the small blue LCD display, it occurred to him he was conversing with a household electrical appliance, and the household electrical appliance appeared to have a reasonable knowledge of current American movie directors.

“Sure,” said Sam “Like What?”

‘If you liked Reservoir Dogs, then maybe Pulp Fiction?’ said the VCR.

Sam decided to try his luck. “I’ve seen Pulp Fiction”.

‘If you’ve seen Pulp Fiction, then maybe Kill Bill, Django Unchained or The Hateful Eight?’

This was crazy, thought Sam. Not only was he having a conversation with his VCR, the VCR appeared to have an extensive knowledge of Quentin Tarantino movies. Sam wondered if maybe he was dreaming, or perhaps he was cracking up, or perhaps there was too much chamomile in his tea this morning.

Let’s leave Sam for a moment. At this point, I think it would be wise for us to have another behind the scenes chat before we go any further. If you have found yourself having a conversation with any of your household appliances (ignoring your Amazon Alexa for now), then I really think you may need to seek some professional counselling.

Frankly, if you even own a VCR from the 1990’s still, I’d be questioning your sanity but let’s explore that another time.

So Sam, being Sam, decided to push the VCR a little further.

“I’ve seen all of those, something different please.”

‘If you liked Reservoir Dogs, and you’ve seen all of those Sam, maybe you’d like Sin City?’ scrolled the VCR.

“Aha!! Quentin Tarantino didn’t direct Sin City!” Sam was pretty sure about this, he knew all of Tarantino’s movies. Maybe the VCR wasn’t as smart as it thought it was.

The LCD display flickered. ‘He was a guest director, Sam. He did one scene. Stop being such a dick.’

Sam felt a little indignant at this comment but knew when he was beaten.

“Ok, lets watch Sin City” he agreed.

Sam moved an empty pizza box and sat on his brown sofa. The TV came back to life and the black and white title sequence of the movie Sin City kicked in.

At first Sam couldn’t quite work out what was going on with this movie, it seemed different to anything he’d seen before. He’d always avoided it previously as he knew it was based on a comic book, so it couldn’t have any depth, right?

For a start if was mostly in black and white. What was all that about? And the dialogue seemed to be taken straight out of an old, cheap 1950’s detective movie.

But he decided to go with it for a little longer. Maybe he should give it a bit more of a chance than normal? After all, he didn’t want to offend the VCR.

It took about 25 minutes, but then Sam realized us was utterly spellbound. He became absolutely engrossed for 2 hours as Frank Millers film noir masterpiece played out. He found himself enchanted by the unrelenting atmosphere and the beauty of the gothic cinematography.

He was entranced by nuanced performances from actors who he would never have recognised playing roles so different than what he was used to, even if they were hamming up the characterizations to match the style of the original graphic novel.

Mickey Rourke was acting under the heaviest of prosthetics, Bruce Willis was playing a disturbed and damaged hero and a corrupt Benicio Del Toro added the darker tones to the narrative. The leads were supported by stellar performances from luminaries like Josh Hartnett, Elijah Wood, Jessica Alba and Rosario Dawson.

The violence and emotional turmoil blended poetically matching any Tarantino movie Sam had seen before. The black and white reel was punctuated by flashes of colour, emphasizing dramatic moments of a story broken into 3 separate acts, ultimately drawn together in a satisfying and heartfelt conclusion.

The VCR certainly knew how to make a good recommendation. If anyone likes Reservoir Dogs, they should definitely go leftfield and try out Sin City. It’s not 100% Tarantino, but Robert Rodriguez definitely draws influences from him.

‘How was it?’ scrolled the VCR when the final credits rolled.

“That was awesome,” answered Sam, as if he’d just stepped off a rollercoaster.

‘If you liked Sin City, then maybe you’ll like Once Upon A Time In Mexico?’

Sam mulled this over briefly. He recognised the VCR had gone from Quentin Tarantino movies to Robert Rodriguez movies based on their shared involvement in Sin City. Well played Mr VCR he thought, well played indeed.

“OK VCR, let’s do it.” Sam sat back, split open a family sized bag of popcorn and settled in.

Again, 2 hours later he was in awe. The VCR had nailed it, and clearly knew what he was talking about.

“What’s next VCR?”

The VCR thought for a moment. Perhaps he would try something new.

‘If you liked Johnny Depp in Once Upon A Time In Mexico, then perhaps you’ll like Johnny Depp in Public Enemies?

“Hit it, VCR” said Sam.

Sam and the VCR spent the rest of the afternoon, evening and night watching some amazing movies together. Sam would eat his popcorn, and at the end of each movie the VCR would weigh up what was the most important element of the movie they’d just watched and then make a renewed recommendation to Sam.

Sometimes the VCR would suggest one by the same Director and sometimes one with the same actors. By around 2am he even recommended movies that had similar writers or producers. It was like a magical celluloid daisy chain with one movie leading beautifully on to the next.

Sam and the VCR laughed together and they cried together and eventually they fell asleep snuggled up against one another. Both Sam and the VCR had never been so comfortable as the sun started to rise the following morning.

Neither of them heard the doorbell when Charlotte turned up. She rang 4 times but there was no answer, so she let herself in with the spare key.

“Samuel, I’ve brought my remote control like you asked.” Charlotte was also holding a packet of Wotsits and a toilet roll.

Sam opened his eyes, blinked and wiped his saliva off the VCR.

“What are you doing Samuel?” she asked.

“I’m… I was… I was sleeping,” said Sam, confused.

“On the floor?? What is that thing Samuel, it looks dangerous.” Charlotte unplugged the VCR and picked it up to examine it.

“It plays videos! Be careful its…“ but as Sam reached out he startled Charlotte, and the VCR slipped from her hand and clattered down on the coffee table.

Both Sam and Charlotte looked stunned as there seemed to be a momentary pause in time. Sam was distraught as he was sure he heard the VCR yelp as it hit the table.

“Samuel, I’m so sorry! Your poor coffee table!”

Sam wasn’t interested in the coffee table as he knelt down to comfort the VCR. The front casing had split open, and a spring had ejected itself from the front slot. The LCD display was cracked and the machine rattled as Sam cradled it in his arms.

Charlotte rubbed the corner of the coffee table sympathetically.

“It’ll polish out I think, sorry darling.” Charlotte rushed off to look for furniture polish under the kitchen sink.

Sam plugged the VCR cable back into the wall socket, but nothing happened. There was no little red LED and the LCD display didn’t come to life.

Charlotte came back and started spraying and buffing the table.

“Samuel are you ok? Why are you crying.”

“You killed him,” bawled Sam. “You killed my VCR.”

“I did not kill your VCR Samuel, don’t be such a child.”

“I’m not a child,” screamed Sam childishly, “It was a magic VCR, and he talked to me. He told me what films to watch and I loved him and you killed him!”

“He umm… he what?! Samuel I’m not really sure what you’re talking about.”

Charlotte was used to Sam’s flamboyant strops and had learnt long ago it was best to just accept them like a patient nun. Ever the pragmatist, Charlotte whipped out her smartphone. “What sort was it? I’m sure we can find you a new one just like that one.”

Sam hung his head in mourning and held up the corpse of his favourite electrical appliance. Charlotte put her glasses on and read the manufacturers label on the side. The label was faded but she could definitely make out some of the letters.

“D - C – D – R” she spelled out as she typed the letters into her phone. “Ok google, let’s see what you got...”

Google, aiming to be as helpful as it could possibly be today, decided to auto-correct Charlottes search, and cheerfully added the vowels in for her.

“Right, hmmm, let’s see…,” said Charlotte, analyzing the top search result.

“It's come up with 'DECIDER' Samuel, have you ever heard of that? Decider.com? Google says it tells you what to watch right now and where to stream all the best movies? Is that what you were looking for?”

Sam peered suspiciously over Charlotte’s shoulder to look at the phone’s search results. She was right, it did say that.

But how could that be? Had the magic VCR changed itself into a magic website? This was too good to be true, thought Sam. The VCR had reincarnated itself!

Charlotte used her remote control to turn on Sam’s TV. Sam used Charlotte’s phone to find something to watch using the new magic website.

They both sat down on Sam’s brown sofa, opened the Wotsits and agreed to watch When Harry Met Sally.

As for the VCR, Sam eventually accepted in his heart that the VCR had peacefully gone off to VCR heaven. This is the special place where all good VCR’s went to, roughly around 1997 when DVD’s had been invented.

Actually as Sam thought about it, he was pretty sure he had a DVD player somewhere in his cupboard. Maybe he’ll go and have a look for that after the movie.

Thanks for taking the time to read about Sam and his VCR. If you liked the story, it would be great if you could hit the ‘like’ button below. All tips also gratefully received by an enthusiastic but under resourced writer!