Crushed!

This isn't a cute story about a teen girl scotch taping tiny blindfolds on her Jackson 5 poster to cover the eyes of her secret lover(s) as she dresses while 'ABC' plays in the background. I wish it was.

Instead, my OG Celebrity Crush story begins when I was a student at UCLA, a grown Woman. I had just moved to LA from Atlanta, GA with two children and a divorce behind me. I started my adult life early, instead of playing records and crushing on teen idols, I had a child at the age of 16. There was no time in my life for TV, no money for Movies and I considered myself way too mature and intelligent to crush on a Celebrity. They were people just like me, plus I always found it a bit creepy to crush on someone you didn't even know...how utterly childish and silly.

Shortly after arriving in Long Beach, CA just before the April 1992 LA Riots, I was thrust in front of the amateur camera of a public access TV producer because he liked my look and my communication skills. I had never aspired to work in front of or behind the camera, my experience was in Medical and Banking. He wanted me to host his music video show, 'Rising Star'. I ended up Writing/Producing and Directing it. I was thoroughly bitten by the entertainment industry bug and changed my career path. I felt I had found my purpose in life assisting new talent on their road to stardom. I read every industry publication I could get my hands on to get the latest entertainment news for my Hip Hop TV show's content and arrange interviews. Variety, The Source and VIBE magazine photos and articles literally wallpapered and carpeted my apartment, a veritable vision board.

I had access to every entertainer and venue in Long Beach and LA. I witnessed the birth of the G-Funk Era and the Dog Pound and interviewed almost every Hip Hop or Rap artist who came to town. In the summer of 1993 I was escorted to the VIP section of a popular nightclub which sat near the water in Long Beach where we frequently videotaped performances and interviewed artists. While I sat, there was a lot of attention being paid to whichever celebrity I was sharing space with. I decided for the first time that night to scan the room to spot why there was such magnetism in this concentrated area. There stood Wesley Snipes. We caught eyes and I decided to step to him (I wasn't star struck). "Mr. Snipes", I said, "...there are so many beautiful Women vying for your attention and your back is to the dance floor." He replied back "I would rather talk about your necklace, its an African fertility necklace called Aqua-ba." I was surprised and flattered by his knowledge and attention as we continued our short discussion. Later that night we danced and I gave him my purple and gold business card and he seemed intrigued by my pen/performance name.

The following day was Sunday and my regular routine was to go to Venice Beach and enjoy the people and sights. I was alone and my thoughts kept taking me back to last night. Did I really dance with Wesley Snipes? Why didn't I ask for a photo (before cell phone cameras)? I missed my moment. As I was thinking this thought, I looked up at the people flooding towards me and I couldn't believe my eyes or my luck! There was Mr. Snipes rushing towards me so quickly I didn't get a chance to notice my surroundings. I took my chance, "Mr. Snipes, I didn't get a.....". Before I could finish asking for a photo, he cut me off, "...not now, Baby". Was I not cute enough? Did he forget me that quickly? I looked up and noticed the camera crew rushing alongside him, he was shooting something or other, I never found out what. I was in disbelief. My crush ensued.

A few months later, in the Fall of 1993 the Vibe Magazine featured Wesley Snipes on the cover. My crush in full force, I read every article written about him and his career. He mentioned the formation of his Film Production Company, and I was determined to work with him from that point forward. I wrote letters to the address I found asking for an internship but no response ever came...while I was using my Pen name. I gave up my direct pursuit and just continued to build my production reel. 5 years later, I attended the UCLA Film screening of a documentary which featured Wesley Snipe's voice as narrator and his name was in the credits as Producer. After the screening, I called the number of the Producer of that film and someone answered the phone with the name of Wesley Snipe's film production company and not the name on the flyer. Again! I couldn't believe my luck. As a UCLA Film student, I applied for an internship using my birth name and was finally accepted. I was working for my Crush!

My crush was so bad that I could not look him in the face and would get tongue tied whenever I had to speak to him on the phone, and that was difficult as I was the receptionist. I did everything to hide my crush: when invited to his trailer, I declined; when invited to his office for a one on one, I declined; at the company pool party, I got stupid drunk; I got too friendly with his hairdresser (embarrassing) and became ridiculously overprotective of him. I was a mess. Although I respected his relationship and was working for him when his daughter was born, I literally could not stop crushing on him. While his fans were crazy about his films and characters, I was a fan of the Man himself. I witnessed his creative brilliance, as I had time to peruse the ideas he had for upcoming projects to be produced by his company. I witnessed him being an exceptional friend (to a fault even) and a dedicated father. He is a good son to his mother and good brother to his sisters and brothers.

I showered him with praise, gifts and congratulations at every opportunity. My co-workers called me the "Queen" of the company and noticed how much I had in common with our Boss, I blushed and tried to play down my attributes in fear that I would be discovered. My friends admired me for 'manifesting' my dreams...but it was short lived. I only lasted a year. Towards the end it got bad. I got too comfortable and asserted myself in the wrong way, and then it was over. The company closed its doors, and although I was promoted in the end, it all came crashing down after 9/11.

I was crushed!

He is a great man to work for but I feel he could have benefited greatly from being more involved behind the camera. Still crushing hard, I wrote a business plan for him as an NYU Film student in my Business Management class. I left LA by this time but just could not let him go.

The ending of my story is tragic in that I can't stop my crush but it has turned to pain as the person I came to admire and respect so much endures the character assassination which we all know has occurred. He's no longer an outspoken advocate of equal justice, he's passed over for heroic roles in Hollywood and few if any articles are ever written about him which aren't overshadowed by his 3 year imprisonment for a non-violent misdemeanor. Everyone forgot he was the original champion for the live action King T-Challa (Black Panther), Rest in Power Chadwick Boseman.

His moment in the Sun, like mine, has passed and we both are remnants of our former selves. It is entirely possible that my crush stifled me and smothered my career potential. Its entirely possible that his unapologetic outspoken approach to equal rights and justice made him a target. He now resides in a "QuietBubble" as the rest of the world has become unapologetically outspoken about equal rights and justice. He's my Hero.

We're both still here...so maybe we might get a second chance to Day Walk in the Sun....ever the optimist and believer in Dreams.

P.S...I hope he won't be able to see this. (yikes...'The Fan' flashbacks)