Book Review: "Letters to My Younger Queer Self" by Daniel Harding

This book was a rare find in one of my favourite bookshops in the world: Queer Lit Manchester. I actually wrote about this place some time ago and how much I love it. I discovered it about two years' ago and if you're ever in Manchester I would say it is the place to go.

From there recently, I bought a few books and one of them was a colourful hardback entitled Letters to My Younger Queer Self. It covers several letters by LGBTQIA+ people in the professional and performance world who write letters to their younger, perhaps more confused selves mostly showing them how it's all going to turn out alright no matter what. Some of the themes include but aren't limited to: LGBTQIA+ joy, being your authentic self and how your teenage years aren't exactly the be all and end all of your life, but it is a time of self-discovery. Complete with lovely quotations from the letters in question which take up entire pages in cursive handwriting-style print, this book has so much to offer in the way of happiness and love - it is honestly a beautiful read.

As I've said, one of the main themes is LGBTQIA+ joy. There are many people who cover how they come into their own types of joy. Some people move to different countries, travel the world, others build a healthy home with a supportive partner of their choice and many of them refer to the new-found acceptance that comes with living in the early-to-mid 21st century, rather than the slightly more conservative bounds of the 20th century. The writing is open and honest about struggle but a lot of the time, they will assure their younger selves that it isn't the end of the world and that the world is a better place if they were to stay in it, which shows us the real fear and struggle this group faces. The slight implication that there could be an ending of one's own life is horrific but is so universally understood to a marginalised group like this one that now, in their new found joy and stability in themselves, they assure their younger selves of their strength and beg them to have compassion for themselves. I agree though, the world is a better place with each and every one of them in it.

Another big theme is authenticity - of course to live your authentic self you require to know yourself and have yourself known to others. I remember reading one of the letters which stated that when someone tried to come out, they were brutally beaten by someone they called their best friend. I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound like a friend to me. But, the person in question recovered, worked harder to make themselves as authentic as possible and started forgiving themselves more. One thing I have to agree with is that it isn't your fault for the way others react to your authentic self. If you are part of the LGBTQIA+ group and someone doesn't accept you for who you are then turn around and walk away from them - that is not someone you need in your life. The 'authentic self' is so well-explored, especially by those in the transgender community who seek to find themselves in a way that even today, is not fully accepted for some unknown reason.

The last theme I want to talk about is the way in which resilience is explored. I think that these people as young people and teenagers were extremely resilient, especially regarding the fact that teenagers are often cruel to each other and they are also hyper in their emotions and mental states (they are more likely to suffer with mental illnesses because of all the hormones jumping about). These people as teenagers, seen through the lens of their older selves are often sad, closeted, often lonely and perhaps tried to come out or are about to - and it's all panic and anxiety. But eventually, as we learn from the letters, the ball gets rolling and the autneticity builds and builds. One thing I have learned as an ally is that self-acceptance doesn't happen overnight and that these people have really learned, perhaps over almost a decade or more, to love themselves the way they are. I think we are all better for the fact that they are out and living their authentic selves, it is truly a beautiful story of becoming who you are. But, we must not forget how much they have been through. Many have been left, some have been abused, some have even been forced to do things they perhaps did not want to do - these are not all happy narratives. These are stories of real struggle and the requirement for compassion for one's own self.

In conclusion, I am so happy that I discovered this book. From people telling their younger selves to be more compassionate towards how they feel, to others starting businesses and moving countries and becoming who they are. From people who were abused to those who abused themselves. From people who started a new life in New York to others who almost went to prison. This book goes through every single type of person under the umbrella of LGBTQIA+ and how they have such varied and different stories which search towards self-acceptance.