Book Review: "Esther is Now Following You" by Tanya Sweeney

I didn't know quite what I was expecting when I first opened this book, I sort of bought it for no reason other than I was just looking for something fun to read. It was, at times so funny I was actually crying, so sad that I was very nearly crying and so volatile that I could not tear myself away. Esther is Now Following You is a story that looks at celebrity obsession, missed opportunities, what happens when you live a lie and of course, when your expectations don't meet the reality of the situation. Esther is such a relatable character and at the same time, we can recognise she is perhaps not the best of people. A reaction to her poor mental health, her boring relationship that the reader has no idea why she's trying to keep alive and something terrible that happens to her in the book - this text really explores the depths of volatility and the consequences of actions that spin out of control.

Esther is a woman living in London and originally from Dublin. She's married to the underwhelming Johnny, a man with the personality of dry-wall and all the entitlement of millennial male feminist. They really couldn't be more different, Esther feels like she's looking for something more. She eventually meets with friends and we start learning more about her life - there's jokes and satirical intrusive thoughts that race through her brain and yet, she's grounded in a way which hooks us on to her. We often forget to see that she is extremely privileged as being able to not only live in London, but also to go out for food and drink as regularly as she does. However, the whole story turns on its head when Esther has a miscarriage part way into her pregnancy. Her husband Johnny does the 'don't my feelings matter' predictable bullshit that his types often do. No Johnny, your feelings don't matter, Esther could have died in a bathroom. So when Esther runs away to Canada, we initially breathe in her freedom. If only...

Before Esther runs away to Canada, she gets involved with a fandom dedicated to a mediocre actor named Ted. She starts following the group, becomes obsessed with the actor and eventually reaches out to his step-sister, Naomi. It is this that makes her pack and leave for Canada - she wants to meet Ted. She wants to get involved with his family. She's booked a meeting with Naomi. Oh, and she dodges a disciplinary meeting about her poor performance at work, meaning she would almost certainly have been fired. But I admire the courage. I genuinely could not help but absolutely love Esther from the very start. She has the kind of courage and sense of adventure that I often wish I had, but I have to admit I am too scared to try. Living through Esther, I felt often really happy for her and at the same time, really scared for her too. The writing was often witty, dark and most of all, it doesn't try to be too clever. It feels like it definitely could have happened.

When in Canada, Esther starts to meet a lot of people related to Ted. His step-sister, Naomi. His girlfriend, Alice. But she hasn't really met Ted yet. Covering her tracks, she bonds with Naomi without telling her about why she is really there, offering Naomi friendship as both have lost children. It is quite deceptive but the reader really wants to see where it goes. Will Esther get into trouble? Will she get to meet Ted? What is going to happen now that she has practically just up and left everything and everyone behind? The author leaves us with these constant and lingering questions underneath the story which, if I'm going to be perfectly honest, made it both funny and stressful at the same time.

All in all, I absolutely loved this book because of its ability to make me laugh and if you don't think that's very difficult then you honestly don't know me. I barely even smile let alone laugh. There's also parts in this book that just stressed me out for Esther - I was honestly thinking that she had got herself in way too deep. And maybe she did...