Book Review: "At Your Own Risk" by Derek Jarman

“I was another young man corrupted and co-opted by heterosexuality, my mind still swimming about in the cesspit which is known as family life, subjected to a Christian love whose ugliness would shatter a mirror. I had to destroy my inheritance to face you and love you.”

- At Your Own Risk by Derek Jarman

One thing that I have loved about Derek Jarman since my teens is that he was completely unafraid to offend everyone. What he was doing at the time with his graphic depictions of very realistic situations has been copied and emulated by some big Hollywood directors since. I find that funny since Jarman whilst he was alive could not even secure funding for his films because they were so offensive to the British public and yet, the very same people hail him a hero. I cannot believe it but Hollywood got even more useless.

Derek Jarman was a man unafraid to say what he thought and when he thought it. A literary and artistic mind, his work is often extreme and emotional, often making the viewer rather existential. In his book Chroma, he talks about the use of colour in film and his book Pharmacopoeia deals with how he used nature as a means of emotional therapy after getting a diagnosis for AIDS which would later claim his life. Derek Jarman was a mind that we only saw once and we will never see again and honestly, that is a huge shame but it also solidifies his importance in film history. Don't believe me? Watch Caravaggio (1986).

At Your Own Risk is a slightly different kind of book, the chapters are shorter and each part is split by decade, starting with the 1960s. The whole book is about being homosexual in each decade, littered with news, personal responses, anecdotes, analyses and comments on culture - Derek Jarman proves he is at his most literary as he presents a compelling argument for the LGBTQ+ movement.

Some of these stories feel very personal and some of them we have heard in a different way in his other books. Honestly though, he had quite a life and from living in warehouses to being horrifically bullied at school, Derek Jarman invites us into his life and even though it reads as quite a difficult life at that, he still manages to make the reader smile.

There is one story in there that I loved quite particularly and it is about Derek Jarman buying a hat. It's a woman's hat and the man behind the counter wouldn't sell it to him because he was not a woman. Instead of leaving, Derek Jarman asks to speak to the manager and then states he is planning on spending thousands in the store. The manager is on Jarman's side, the disgruntled employee relents and Jarman leaves with the hat. Honestly, it is great to see him look back on what was quite a dire situation of homophobia with such a humorous tone. He tells the story as if he is at a dinner party telling a joke.

Another thing I enjoyed about the book was the fact that Derek Jarman was being so frank about everything, even as he got sick. He had no inhibitions against the reader, nothing he would not tell us. I really do like how British his humour is as well. He opens the volume on the 1980s with: I would not wish the 1980s on anyone. And honestly, neither would I. A dangerous time to be a different race or sexuality, Margaret Thatcher's Britain was about as horrifying it could get for anyone who was the slightest bit different. But, as Derek Jarman is in his films, he did not hold back in telling us about the AIDS panic that came about with the decade.

All in all, of course I loved reading this book. The voice of Derek Jarman radiates through the text as one of protest, brilliance and above all, cinemative genius. I think this book might be one of the best to read if you have not seen his films because it will teach you all about him. When you do watch the movies, you'll understand how it's all a moment of autobiography in some way.