Becoming Aware thru "Becoming"

Although I have recently found solace in non-fiction, I have never been a huge fan of memoirs - sticking to more on spiritual and self-help books.

So it came as a surprise to myself when I picked up Becoming a a roadside book stall one night, in February 2020, in the busy and bustling Banglore city. Though I didn't care much of which book I picked, rather more focused on the amazingly cheap deal I was getting, eyes glistering. If it were up to me, I would definitely taken up more. But I was conscious of my company, and didn't want to paint myself cheap or greedy, hence settling for Becoming and another book by Amish - Sita; oblivious to how much the book got me to think.

The excitement on buying the books died off as I finished reading (midly disappointed) Sita. Hence leaving Becoming a patient dweller on the bookshelf, making friends with the other books that have been untouched since I bought them.

However in mid October, I realized I have been itchining to buy new books and guilt crept up at me as the books from my shelf cast a dark shadow. Trying to get my guilt trip off my system, I picked up the thickest book in the shelf to compensate to my desire to get new ones - and the thickest book was BECOMING.

I was skeptical at first, but as I turned page after page, I started to connect to the story in a deeper level. The book spoke to me which made me realize of my true potential and how far I have to live up to my dreams and my own goals.

Somewhere in the lines, Michelle expressed her feelings when she first went to Kenya with Barack, I could relate to that and immediately got hooked in, because I believed that the life she lived, is all what I could reach. The limits and boundaries were limitless.

I say this because being born as an Indian in Malaysia, eventhough we are the third generation here, we are treated as "others" or as the locals call it, "pendatang". We had to fight our way for everything we required, though as Michelle, I was privilledged with a strong family and support system who had always believed in my potential and have always made me feel special and that I can rule the world, if only I put my heart to it.

Walking the world day by day (until this date) I have no worries or fear of the worse because I know nothing can go wrong with me, as long as I have my family behind me.

As I continued reading, I saw the huge role played by Michelle's mother in raising a strong-willed and confident woman to take on the world, which shed light on how important a role of the Mother (something that should never be taken lightly).

Furthermore, towards the end, as Michelle talked on women, especially women of colour and their struggles to keep up in a constant battle of a primarily male dominated world, the harsh reality of it all seeped in. Something I have always remained oblivious, or rather ignorant about.

Women truly do have to make a huge amount of sacrifice and fight a more harder battle to be in the game. It allowed me to ponder upon my own struggles - the taunting, the judgement, the claims of me being hard-headed. I looked back and compared to male colleagues - and damn, the views were truly different - Michelle was right!

Thankfully, with the strong upbringing shaped my thoughts to be oblivious of such comments and struggles and honestly, never once thought it was a struggle at all - it was something normal. I was blessed to have it easy, but what about the millions of other women? The women who are trying to strike a balance between family and work? Especially the eastern women, who not only need to fend for their husbands and children but also for their in-laws.

The thought was very unsettling and I refuse to continue being oblivious to it. I started understanding the struggle my mother had to put up with - with my dad away to study in New Zealand, managing his insurance clients, raising three children, trying to make side income with part-time tutoring and direct selling, while trying to climb her own professional ladder.

The world as I saw it was not a struggle, we are way better from our ancestors, but are we really perfect? Are women treated with respect? Are we at the end of the journey?

As Michelle ended her book " Becoming is never giving up on the idea that there's more growing to be done."

The book shared stories that made me feel personal, I have yet to feel content with my life, still finding means of doing something more impactful but fear has always pulled me back. The book has awakened my consciousness "What are you doing about your dream? You are in your 30s now. What are we going to do?"

The book also opened my eyes to the idea of gender equality. The need for women to be treated equally and how wrong it is. The concept and idea is, to me, way of the radar of what a woman needs. A woman's role in a family institution is extremely important, especially when she has a child - another human being to be raised. Hence, she can't be seen to give the equal amount of workload as men. Unless the men takes up the equal responsibility in the household. A woman should be given her chance and voice to grow in the corporate world, with given leniency for her to still care for her child, while providing her professional input into bettering the world.

The world is working to create more wonderfully smart independent women, women who grow up to have a say, to grow up to be able to walk into a room full of men and not feel intimidated or undervalued. She should be able to see herself as an equally smart and talented.

By the time I finished the book, Kamala Harris was named the Vice President of the United States. Another women, a coloured woman, beating all odds to make it.

It both gave me chills and thought to ponder - maybe my cause was to raise more awareness on female empowerment. A society that tries is a society that gives its women the freedom to education.

Maybe my time in Bangalore was for me to see women in third world countries - the books I bought there - Becoming - a strong female icon who is showing us how to in the modern would,; and Sita - the strong powerful woman of the past (though her existence is still a debate) who had a voice of her own.

Both however devoted wives and mothers, who still managed to keep their individuality and make a name for themselves, without the need to abuse anything - and that to me is female empowerment.

My intention was to give younger people a context for the hate surfacing in the news and in political discourse and to give them a reason to hope.

Though my goal is not exactly the same, but it has always been similar - to bring change, and to live it.

Becoming has made me question my laziness and my fear. It has put me back on the track of searching for what truly mattered to me - the search and motives to becoming my true self.