3 Fictional Characters that Changed the Way I See the World

I am no stranger to feeling like a stranger to myself.

For a string of years, I fundamentally believed I could achieve happiness if only I had a better personality. If I was funnier, or kinder, or a little less awkward with strangers. If I didn't slouch as much, if I could walk into the room with the kind of confidence that turned heads.

I wish I could say I've mastered that poise that I've always admired in other people, but for the most part, I'm humbled to say that I am the same shy, head-in-the-clouds girl that discovered the power of books so many years earlier.

At my most insecure, I undeniably stole pieces of each of these characters' personalities and made them my own. Now, I'm able to share them with you with the knowledge that, while I may not be a 50s movie star, or a deadly assassin, or the last person standing between Earth and its demise, I'm proud of who I am.

And I hope these characters help you find that, too.

1) Celaena Sardothien / Aelin Galathynius from Sarah J. Maas's Throne of Glass

My first look into the fantasy world, Throne of Glass picked me up by my heel and hurled me into a world of monsters, magic, and deadly love. I only discovered this read in the beginnings of quarantine, unaware and naively optimistic of the months-long period of loneliness and isolation that would follow. Celaena Sardothien, I quickly discovered, was everything I wanted to be.

Bold, courageous, and quick on her feet, I found her charming wit and unstoppable mentality a combination I could not get enough of, and would likely have sold my soul for. Without getting too spoilery, Celaena, or for Throne of Glass lovers, Aelin, taught me what it meant to believe in yourself. She taught me that fucking up was not merely a part of the process of growing, but absolutely and undoubtedly necessary. Whether her life was in shabs or in royalty, whether she was at the mere precipice of reaching her goals or right back at the beginning of the mountain, Celaena carried herself as a person who knew her value and would go to any lengths to defend it.

To this day, I often find myself channeling her spirit when I feel my strength wavering. At the peak of an ab workout. As I receive another rejection letter. It doesn't make the pain hurt any less, but I know I'll get through it. Because she always did.

2) Evelyn Hugo from The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Reid Jenkins

If I'm being completely honest, this was the read that inspired this entire listicle. Stunningly written, Evelyn Hugo is the epitome of grace, deceit, and a woman unafraid to fight to the death for what, or who, she loves.

In my experience, there will always be someone who's simply better than you. Someone who's better looking. Makes better decisions. Inarguably has the better life. Evelyn Hugo is that person. Yet even perfect puzzles can have missing pieces, and Evelyn is no different. Offered a glimpse into her mysterious, calculated, and seemingly impeccable life, you celebrate her wins with no small amount of joy and feel each of her failures as deeply as your own.

Evelyn tells the story of a woman constantly being shoved into boxes, into labels that simply don't fit her. Her story is one that I, along with many others, share at a personal level. We are all so quick to make assumptions about each other—with a single glance, someone can be characterized as kind or weak, confident or narcisstic, clever or manipulative. And in truth, like Evelyn, we are nothing and everything all at once.

Whenever someone asks me: if you could have lunch with anybody, real or fictional, who would it be? I have no doubt it would be Evelyn Hugo. I can almost imagine her now, sitting across from me at a Parisan cafe with a cigar in one hand and a dry martini in the other, telling me the world is mine for the taking.

3) Emmett Atwater from Nyxia by Scott Reignten

Secrets, betrayal, and destruction. It is not the universal experience teens encounter, but it is the world Emmett finds himself in as he fights for a chance to explore life on another planet.

Now I must admit, I am not a big sci-fi reader. For one, I am neither patient nor do I possess a quality attention span, which means that when I open a sci-fi novel, I often get bogged down in the complex descriptions of a galactic world I cannot visualize. Nyxia was different. I was never frustrated with chunks of hard-to-get-through paragraphs because from the start, I connected with Emmett immediately.

There are many desires in each of the individual lives the seven billion people on Earth lead, but there are certain motivators that, no matter how diverse we are, we tend to reach for. Nyxia displayed the power of those very desires in a raw, transparent way that left me wondering how I would fair in Emmett's place.

If there's one thing you know about me now, is that I love a character who can, and will, fight like hell for what they want. Emmett was exactly that character; he had a plethora of hardships growing up, facing various bouts of discrimination and poverty. It didn't matter whether it was greed or need that drove him to compete for a prized position on the space crew; he was undeniably a strategic and diligent warrior than managed to stay true to who he was, not an attribute many of the other characters could boast.

I specifically recall the nights I read Nyxia under the covers, well aware that I would suffer from the sleep deprivation come next morning yet utterly unable to relinguish the masterpiece of a novel that had me guessing and gasping at every page. I remember the weeks after I had tried to soak up every bit of Emmett's goodness, of his courageous nature and unrelenting spirit. I remember wondering what it would be like, to push myself to my breaking point and then a little farther.

I remember his father's words, words that still stick with me to this day. Words I'd like to leave with you:

“Be worthy. Not in their eyes, but in yours. Break the rules you need to, but never forget who you are and where you come from. When they knock you down, and they will, don’t you quit on me.”

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