The Harsh Reality Of Gaming Addiction

addiction usually we hear it associated

with drugs alcohol or maybe potato chips

getting addicted to something can be a

very bad thing especially when it's

unhealthy or makes you bubble up in your

own little world video games can be that

addiction too I'm here today to talk

about video game addiction from the

inside looking out I have lived through

the reality of video game fixation this

small essay is about a guy who went

through it and came out the other end

and who has had the course of his life

changed because of it

I know a lot of people out there in this

big world play games for fun but many of

us play games because we have to that's

what addiction is when you can't control

yourself not to do it I became exposed

to Diablo 2 and World of Warcraft really

early on in my life

right when I should have been making my

way out into the world I was 18 a

straight-a student and on track to

becoming valedictorian but I never got

that title because I became addicted to

a video game fast forward 10 years or so

and I still play one of those games more

than any other game and that would be

League of Legends

I've probably clocked about 5,000 hours

into this game over the past eight years

that's just too many hours between this

gaming world of warcraft I may have just

as well seen more of the world through a

computer screen at this point than out

of my own eyes and I say that's ashamed

to be honest has it ruined my life well

maybe a better question what would it

have become without it today I want to

talk about video game addiction and tell

my story and then and only then I want

to answer the question can it ruin your

life

[Music]

my first video game addiction came in

the form of World of Warcraft I began

playing Wow when it launched in 2004

which would make me like 17 or 18 at the

time it was right when I was supposed to

go to college and become an adult it

consumed me I would sit in my room all

day every day and this continued for

years I I shrugged off the idea of ever

going to college because I felt like I

wouldn't have enough time to play my you

know work warrior and I fell into a

really dark place

World of Warcraft ruined my motivation

to leave home finish college and it

ruined it the relationship I had with a

really lovely girl actually that I had

been dating for four years prior to

starting the game eventually I was

thrown out of my home by my mother who

could no longer support a guy who had no

intention of living in the world world

coming out of my room only to grab food

I was pasty skinny unhealthy a sulking

mess of a human being I had no friends

no future and no money I spent it all on

my monthly subscription to world of

warcraft getting thrown out of my home

standing on the curb in the rain with my

bags sitting on the lawn was one of the

biggest wake-up calls I probably ever

had in it to this day ever have had I

was scared I was lonely and I just had

no place to go I had four hundred

dollars to my name and my gas tank was

empty so I went to the only place I

really could I drove across town to a

local casino where I had played one to

No Limits to pick up some cash to pay on

the Reg for my Wow subscription for the

next two weeks I gambled my way enough

to afford a 67 dollar hotel room each

nights in the days that I lost I slept

in my car in the freezing cold winter

outside in the parking lots as I stared

into the cold nights shivering I

reflected at how I came to be at this

very moment hungry broken sad and very

very cold it was video game addiction

that I let carry me to this very dark

and lonely place

several years later my second video game

addiction episode would kick in it came

on at the worst possible time after

recovering from my prior homeless states

in my Wow addiction I went on to college

I got a job and I stopped playing video

games altogether I was renting an

apartment I had a new girlfriend and I

was approaching graduating with a degree

in economics and that's when one of my

friends introduced me to League of

Legends and god damn I wish he had not

done that that night if I had to put a

word to the letters lol it wouldn't be

laughs out loud or League of Legends it

would be longest obsession of my life

League of Legends was a game I played

every day 5 to 10 hours a day and I

began failing at life while doing it

I began skipping classes I refused to

leave the house and I refused to go

places with my girlfriend most of my

friends in college stopped hearing from

me at this point and I stopped going out

to school events and things that's were

once very important to me and I even

considered dropping out of college so I

can play competitively it became a habit

and I'd always find myself logging in

every day without really realizing it I

played competitively during college and

when that was coming to a close I

realized I'd have to stop playing and

starts living the real life it was the

World of Warcraft situation all over

again where I refused to continue to

live life so I put it on hold in the

only way I could I ended up stumbling

into my undergraduates graduation alone

and with no one there to celebrate with

I had stopped talking to people

altogether and they had stopped talking

to me with a moments of sheer panic I

soon realized that I was going to have

to go out into the real world and get a

nine-to-five job and that my league

obsession was basically over I was so

addicted to the game that I made one of

the most hasty decisions I have ever

made I ended up enrolling in graduate

school immediately after graduation so

that can continue playing as a students

and enjoying the benefits of financial

aid essentially so that could continue

playing league for eight hours a day

thus I found myself in graduate school

doing homework or reading articles

online while I was queuing up for ranked

matches of League of Legends and then I

paused the game play

then come back to my other duties

thereafter so I was kind of an MBA

student by day and a professional league

of Legends gamer by night the weirdest

part of my life has always been that I

have hidden this addiction from

everybody even those closest to me in a

demanding graduate program I had to

basically throw on the slacks and the

tie and carry that I am a people person

mentality around I convinced everyone I

even convinced myself at one point that

I was normal functional and outgoing I

was not I was a gamer in disguise like

Clark Kent or something but I wasn't

transforming to a super hero or

something greater

I was devolving back into the lonely

persona of a video game addict

I got a few jobs by faking this kind of

businessman persona and charming the

recruitment teams of many a corporation

it's as if I had an alternate reality

kind of an alternate personality one

minute I was an extroverted suit-and-tie

professional and then the next I was an

introverted hermit crab addicted video

gamer but whatever personality I had on

I always managed to be likable and slip

by undetected I excelled it in demanding

business analyst roles and I was always

loved by the companies I work for except

one which leads me to the end of my

story after graduate school my life

could no longer be put on hold for video

games I had to be an adult and put that

invisible cape away and that childlike

person I was trying to hide I took a job

working at a very competitive firm where

I was placed in a team unfortunately my

addiction to League of Legends had grown

out of control by then and I was unable

to hide it from anybody any longer I

started sulking at work and the cravings

were eating at me inside like some

unquenchable demon sitting in my stomach

I was late to work all the time because

I was caming in the morning and I was

always leaving early so I could game at

night my work sucked and my boss was

always getting on me to be better I

wasn't getting along with my team and

they didn't like me and you know what I

didn't like me either

I took a hard look at myself in the

mirror that night

one of those times where you just stand

there and watch herself cry I stared

longingly at this hollow figure in front

of me and I had kind of a moment of

clarity where I realized I can't stop

running from myself I ended up quitting

my job the very next day a few years

later I have woken up or so they say I'm

no longer addicted to any video game but

there is still one unanswered question

that I can't seem to get out of my head

what would life be like without this

video game addiction that I went through

I could have gone on to have a family

gotten married bought a house by now and

heading to the top of some high-rise

corporation would that have made me

happier had more friends a more

meaningful relationship that lasted more

than just a year or a more fulfilling

life and you know what the answer to

that question or all those questions is

yeah actually video game addiction can

ruin your life if you let it get out of

control like I have the truth is I am

lucky to be in a position where I get

paid to talk about video games I find it

fun and creative and liberating but

behind the scenes I'm still that guy

that doesn't want to be Clark Kent

anymore I want to have a happier life

with more people in it because I threw

away that opportunity and shelled up

from the world and I just don't have

that many people in my life that I can

talk to or confide in so this channel is

one of the only things I have left I use

it as an outlet to make a connection to

you even though I don't actually know

you it makes me feel better to know that

I have someone out there willing to

listen to me

the point of this video was to portray

that video game addiction can be

life-altering and dangerous and it's

important to get your addiction under

control before it's just too late

accept who you are but put some

limitations on yourself

Wow okay that was a very personal video

it didn't expect it to go like that but

um

I really wanted to address addiction

with a personal story so you can see

that it does have real-world

implications