New Hero Is a What?!

Okay, let's be honest: when Blizzard announced the newest hero that it was adding to its ranks, we all scoffed in disbelief. We ignored it because holy shit they must be running out of ideas if they're going to put a hamster in a ball and let it roll around to kill people. What's next, a fish in an aquarium with laser vision? ... Probably.

None of us thought it was worth it. We all thought that it was just another marketing ploy to get gamers to keep playing Overwatch, and to entice new gamers into picking up the game for the first time. None of us expected that Hammond (yeah, seriously, that's his name) would be interesting, to say the least, even though Blizzard teased us with his origin story and related him to Winston, the hulking gorilla that greets us every time we boot up the game. I can recall a few times when friends of mine would go on and on about how stupid the idea was and how only n00bs would feel the need to switch to a Wrecking Ball main. Hell, one of my best friends made it a point to regale me with the tales of Rule 34 as it applied, before the little cutie had even been released. Side note: you do not want to know the places that Hammond has apparently been, according to Tumblr. Ew.

So I, personally, don't play as Hammond. Don't get me wrong, he's a strong character who starts out with base stats up to 500 health, but his heaviness and slow speeds are enough to turn me off of switching to him as a main, even if he does have a grappling hook that can launch him across the battlefield in mere seconds. I'll stick with my weak-yet-small-and-fast main, Tracer, thank you very much. But just because I'm writing an article about him and I don't main him, that doesn't mean that there's not someone out there who does. And it's fair for them, if they like to main as tanks. He packs a punch, dealing out heavy hits with each shot of his Quad Cannons, and I know for a fact that I've died at the hands of Wrecking Ball's minefields too often to be okay with. I can't even tell you the amount of times I've sat watching the respawn counter, growling under my breath at how "that mine was such bullshit" just because I was standing too close or didn't back away fast enough (Which, I know, that's how mines work, but you get my point). The little bastard's taunts also cut that much deeper because they have to be translated through the mech suit, which makes everything worse. It's like adding insult to injury, or pouring pounds of salt on a gaping, fresh wound.

Overall, I like Hammond as an addition to the game, only because he seems to be an adversary that gives me an unnatural sense of dread because I know that at some point, that big-ass ball of death is going to come barreling over me and probably squash me to a pulp. If you had given me ten years to come up with a new hero for the successful title, "Hamster in a Ball" probably wouldn't have even made the top five list. Blizzard outdid themselves this time, and shocked the hell out of each player while doing it. I can't wait to see what heroes they add in the future, and if it's a fish in an aquarium with laser eyes, Blizzard, I want royalties.