Lyin' Gamer

I’ve hit a very specific age where instead of getting asked how much I bench (which honestly has never once happened), I am asked if I am a gamer. Numerous people, who have nothing to do with each other, have seen me with my fat face, thinning hair, novelty t-shirt, and thick-rimmed glasses, and thought, “That dude spends his free time playing video games.”

At first, I was staggered because truth-be-told I have never been much of a video game guy. Not to mention, I still don’t know if I should consider it an insult. Then again, I don’t hear anyone asking Jason Momoa if he’s a gamer. But the more and more I got asked (and I have been asked an unfortunate amount of times) the more I started to wonder if I was missing out on something. I mean, it’s not like I hadn’t gone up against King Bowser once or twice in my life, but video games have a way of losing flavor for me very quickly, right around the time they get too hard. Besides, there was always someone ready to play harder, longer, and better than I could.

My brothers were voracious gamers. For hours straight, they would dedicate energy to whatever the “Game du Jour” was at the time. Back when I was just an impish boy, I woke up on a Saturday morning ready to ingest some classic cartoons, but couldn’t because my brothers were sleeping on the floor while a Nintendo game was left idling on the TV. I couldn’t turn off the console because I didn’t know if they had saved their game. This is known as the plight of the little brother: Constant sidekick, Instruction Manual reader, level-upper, and, of course, third-class citizen. Nevertheless, I was occasionally able to carve out some time over the years with these classics.

Final Fantasy II (US)—Nintendo 1991 Final Fantasy IV (JP)

This is one of the first games I can remember being engrossed with it’s storyline. Basically, King Baron is being controlled by sorcerer Golbez to use the king’s army to obtain four elemental crystals (Earth, Fire, Wind, Water) so that he can travel to one of the moons circling the “blue planet.”

You start as the Dark Knight, Cecil; Captain of the Red Wings (not the hockey team). After attacking the city of Mysidia to steal their Water Crystal (super important, apparently), Cecil questions the king’s motives. Incensed by this, the king strips Cecil of his rank and sends him to deliver a ring to the Village of the Mist. Kain, Captain of the Dragoons and Cecil’s friend is ordered to go along as his chaperone because everyone knows that a ring delivery can escalate very quickly.

Once they arrive, all hell breaks loose, literally, as monsters burst forth from the ring and obliterate the unsuspecting village. A lone survivor, a green-haired girl named Lydia, confronts Cecil and Kain by summoning (basically throwing out a poke-ball) a monster and causing an earthquake that splits the group. But when King Baron’s soldiers arrive to take the girl, Cecil defends her against them, effectively turning his back on his former Kingdom.

Friends are made and lost as the remaining crystals are battled over for the sake of all humanity. I may have played a total of 40 minutes of this game. But I watched for hours as the story unfolded, and I was so riveted by the character development and the complex plot involving backstabbing, sacrifices, love, and destiny. Did I cry at the end? Absolutely. I was an eight-year-old pile of squishiness. But I haven’t had the same feelings about any other video game since, and I think that says something important about how gripping the game is.

Clock Tower (US)—Playstation 1996 Clock Tower 2 (JP)

The cover alone sold me on this. I didn’t know what “point and click” meant. Nor did I realize that this was a sequel. None of that mattered, this was a book I was judging by its cover, and it looked like a great B-rated horror film. Which happens to be right up my alley.

You start the game as Jennifer, a survivor of the “Scissorman Murders” that took place the previous year at Barrows Mansion. She has been adopted by Helen, an assistant professor of criminal psychology in Oslo, Norway, and is undergoing treatment when a new series of murders makes the news. Is the Scissorman back to finish the job or is someone just imitating the killer to an unfortunately successful degree?

I can remember the night I decided to try this game out. I was home alone (the only way to play a game without commentary from the older brother peanut gallery). I had the lights off so I could truly immerse myself in the horror-gaming atmosphere. The game starts in a red hazy swirl as your character comes out of some sort of hypnotic trance/flashback… and I shut it off. I was too scared. What if the Scissorman came for me?

Eventually my brothers came home, and I was able to try the game once again without fear of fictional killers popping out of my TV. This is a survival game, which means one thing… no weapons. You must hide or try to fight back, but nothing truly stops the Scissorman. Once you hear his theme music, you know he’s near and it’s only a matter of time before he surprises you and you must use resourcefulness to survive or become the next victim.

With 10 possible endings and extras to unlock (like music tracks), the replay value here is fantastic and it really feels like you are living the plot of a Euro-trash horror movie.

Fatal Frame II: Crimson Butterfly (US)—Playstation II 2003

Yet another series I cannonballed into by starting with a sequel. I remember buying this game off the discount rack one day when I was trying to find a game that satisfied my lust for a game that could really scare me. I definitely found it in this game.

The game is about twin sisters, Mio and Mayu Amakura, who are exploring an abandoned village when they are targeted to be the sacrifice in an ancient ritual. To make matters worse, Mayu suddenly goes missing, which causes Mio to have to search for her in a village full of terrifying ghosts. All you have to defend yourself is a camera with the power to exorcise ghosts. This also means, to capture them on film, you have to go into first-person view and take their picture.

As good as this game was, I never finished it. I probably got stuck somewhere and was too scared to keep trying to figure out what to do next. But there were plenty of moments I can remember. There's a moment in this game where a ghost violently and suddenly drops from above you with a broken neck like the Haunting of Hill House, and she inches toward you until you are forced to defend yourself by zooming in and taking a picture. Forcing the player to search around while ghosts pop up in your face constantly is a great strategy, especially if your game developer also makes underpants. Because, this game should come with a complimentary pair.

Spider-man—Xbox 2002

I got really into this game. Swinging around, webbing bad guys, climbing to the top of the Empire State Building to see how close to the ground I could get before escaping certain death. This version follows the first installment of the Sam Raimi directed Spider-man trilogy of the early 2000s. But includes some extra characters just to beef up the gameplay.

I would spend way too much time stringing up muggers from light posts and beating their pinata-like bodies to vent my frustration. I would be standing in front of the TV, screaming, "Do you know who I am? I am the goddamn Spider-man! I'll kill you!"

This was kind of my first real foray into a game where you had the whole world to explore. It was non-linear too where I didn't just have to do the storyline. I could also build up my character and do side missions, all as my favorite web-slinger. The sequels were great too, if not a little rushed (not unlike the movies... ahem Emo Spider-man). But there was something about this game where I really enjoyed playing for leisure as opposed to just trying to get a mission done. Plus the full world exploration is good training for more contemporary games where missions are secondary to putzing around.

Mortal Kombat IX—Xbox (2011) Series started in 1992

This game in its current incarnation is my obsession right now. The series has been around for my whole life. I remember getting my ass handed to me by my brother on a Sega Genesis, sitting on the floor of my dad's apartment. Fight after fight, he would rip my stomach out and show it to me and I would rage quit over and over. All I could manage to do was multiple punches in a row and jump around.

MK9 caught my interest because they started adding movie characters into the game. Not just any characters, by the way. It's not like they added Bernie from Weekend at Bernie's into the game (although, he would have been perfect for fatality tutorials). They added horror icons like Freddy Krueger. It was an obvious marketing ploy. Not to mention, it wasn't even the good version of the character. It was the remake version of Freddy with the subdued personality and quiet laugh. But I loved the idea of being able to control these characters and see what wacky fatalities were dreamed up by the developers.

The game's story itself is essentially a retelling of the events from the first three games, but told differently as Raiden warns his past self and tries to change the future (or present). The story isn't bad. It's the same as always. Mortals and Outworlders battling for supremacy over the realms. But is anyone really playing for the storytelling? The gore and violence is so over the top that even with a plot line that has been expanding for almost 30 years, the main attraction is and always will be the blood.

Until Dawn—Playstation (2015)

So, when I recently started looking for modern games with a horror vibe, this title kept coming up over and over again. But my issue was that I didn't own a Playstation (this game is exclusive to that platform). Therefore, based on the hopes of a wide world of exclusive horrifying possibilities, I bought a PS4 and I was not disappointed.

Until Dawn is basically an interactive horror movie. You control eight different characters as they gather at the desolate and perilous Blackwood Mountain for a fun weekend getaway. But here's the catch, you decide who lives and dies as the characters are stalked by creatures both human and supernatural. Meanwhile, the game collects information about you and your fears through creepy interstitials, where you answer questions posed by your "psychiatrist" (played by Peter Stormare...the Devil from the movie Constantine).

This might be one of the most engaging games I have ever played. I have played literally dozens. Ultimately, in every game, the decisions are in your hand. But the ending is typically already planned, it's just up to you to be able to get to it. But Until Dawn (like Clock Tower) has multiple endings that are possible depending on what you do during the game. It's like living in The Butterfly Effect but with less Ashton Kutcher and more Hayden Panettiere, which is decidedly the best way to go with just about anything.

Super Mario Kart—Super Nintendo (1992)

I don't think I have ever been more insanely furious during a video game than playing against my brothers in Super Mario Kart on the old Super Nintendo. Not just because of their faster reaction times, memorization of the courses, ability to nail a whole shot right off the starting line, or laser-like accuracy with a green shell. But also because, no matter how good I got, the trash talk would never stop. Binaural insults are an unfortunate way of gaming that I do not support.

This game has numerous courses to race on, with various weapons you can use against the other drivers. Each course is based on levels from the original Super Mario games; Bowser's Castle, Haunted House, Ice World, etc. But the absolute hardest track of them all is Rainbow Road. Basically an extensive track made of sharp turns, multiple obstacles, and no edges. Every false move could lead to your character taking a dive into the abyss, only to be retrieved by Lakitu with his fishin' pole. To this day, I can't see a banana peel in the road without thinking it would spin my entire car out.

I didn't like to focus on the racing aspect, because no matter how well I knew a track, it always seemed like my brothers were always able to send me off into the dirt with a heat-seeking red shell or, god forbid, a lightning bolt that would shrink all racers to a smashable size. So, I would opt for my best possible chance against them in Battle Mode. The object of Battle Mode? You have three balloons, keep them from popping and try to pop your opponents. At least in Battle Mode, I could lay traps and try to hide instead of watching everyone blow past me to the finish line.

Stuntman—Playstation II (2002)

Stuntman is a racing game with a twist. See, I don't typically care for the racing genre. They tend to bore me since I have never really been into cars and I didn't even want to drive until I was in my 20s. (I'm sure it had nothing to do with growing up in the most aggressive driving state in the United States.)

But in this game, you play the stunt driver on location in various movie-genre parodies: the super spy, the treasure hunter, the English gangster. You have to progress along the track, but also make specific movements based on the director's demands. You might have to pass the car in front of you while dodging a falling tree before drifting through a fruit stand. All of these objectives have to be done at specific times, if you mess up, the shot is ruined and you start over. At the end, they splice your driving footage into a realistic movie trailer so you can see how good your skills as a stuntman are.

What really made me like this game was that my brothers just couldn't seem to get the hang of it. For whatever reason, this was a game they left alone, which meant it was a rare treat for me to be able to play without being told about all the mistakes I was making. Besides, this game was frustrating enough with the director sassing you for blowing a scene. I didn't need the added commentary from the human equivalent of Statler and Waldorf from The Muppets.

Guitar Hero/Rock Band—Xbox (2005/2007)

I first played this game at a Best Buy. There was some smug kid shredding on the guitar controller and he called me out. He said I could pick any song and any difficulty and that he would beat me. And he was right. If I remember accurately, he mopped the floor with me on a blistering version of "Heart Shaped Box" by Nirvana. I was on easy mode and he was on expert, and it wasn't even close.

As I smoldered after my thrashing, the kid glowed with superiority. He admitted that he had the game at home and would just come to the store to kick ass in public. That was the moment when I had to inform him that I could probably play an actual guitar better than him and left. It was also worth mentioning that he could go back home and continue practicing this game while I went and spoke to real, female humans.

But the truth was that I was a little jealous. It was almost as cool as playing an actual instrument along with some of the best rock and roll jams of all time. Eventually, I got a copy of this game for myself and spent way too much time working and mastering these songs in the game that if I had been actually practicing, I could probably play some of them in the real world. Then, when Rock Band came out, they added the singing element to the game. That's when my love of karaoke and my hatred of being around people converged, and this became a favorite game of mine.

I'd rather play this game than actually be a guitar hero, at least at home I only get half as much garbage thrown at me while I caterwaul some song that's stuck in my head.

Twisted Metal Black—Playstation II (2001) Series started in 1995

This game takes Battle Mode to the highest level. Twisted Metal is basically like if you took Super Mario Kart, added blood and violence against a killer soundtrack.

The concept is simple, 15 characters with disturbing backstories are all given the same challenge by Calypso, a mysterious man with one simple offer: Win the Contest... Get One Wish Granted.

Each character has a different car with different specs and a "special" power. Each time you beat the game, you get to the see the specific ending of that character. Usually, the winner gets their wish granted, but in the creepy demon kind of way where it backfires because it was poorly worded. In the land of Twisted Metal, there are no real winners.

The series started back in 1995, and by the time this version of the game came out in 2001, I was well affiliated with the ins and outs. Run and gun and try to outlast. Plus, it never hurts to have a couple cheat codes in your back pocket to make the mayhem jump up a notch. But this iteration of Twisted Metal was so much more sinister than the previous installments that it's hard to even pick a favorite story. The character stories were more depraved, the graphics were more shocking, and any game with The Rolling Stones' "Paint It Black"is okay in my book.

Each level has numerous, interactive environments that can help or hurt your chances of winning. Plus, there are little people just walking around that you can indiscriminately run right over and it's the least of your worries. Hours of fun playing against your friends unless one of your friends happens to be a hothead who whips their controller against the floor every time they get ganged up on (I am that friend). Then, you might need to invest in softer floors or more durable controllers.

So, that's my big list of the video games that have influenced me. From the cartoonish and silly to the dark and macabre, I have found a piece of myself that doesn't mind curling up with some Cool Ranch Doritos and spending a few hours levelling up. Maybe the label of "Gamer" fits me more than I ever realized.