1 Medium Pizza But Hold the Arm Hair, Please...

Friday night, the best night of the week. The possibilities are endless. If I wanted, I could get on a plane and fly to Budapest. Or have a whirlwind affair with a club bouncer. But instead, I’m here, standing in line at one of my favorite places. The pizza shop. I’m with my friend from work and we’re both looking over the menu and discussing whether this time we’ll try something other than our regular order even though we know that won’t happen.

Suddenly, as I’m watching a man of presumably Italian descent toss my pizza dough, a thought enters my mind. The man I’m staring at has particularly hairy arms. Not body shaming…just an observation. Then, my mind starts spiralling.

It’s a natural characteristic of hair to shed, right? So, what are the odds that some of said shed arm hair is now nestled in the folds of my pizza dough? The even bigger question was whether I would still eat the pizza even after I had this realization.

I think you already know the answer to that.

I still ate the pizza. My love for pizza is unconditional and knows no bounds. Like a co-dependent lover, I will return time and time again. Plus, I figure the added arm hair has extra nutrients or something.

Ever since I had the initial thought some 5 years ago, it hasn’t left my mind. It’s one of those thoughts that can never be forgotten or undone like a zip-tie around your hostage’s wrists.

What follows is a list of interesting facts that you could probably have gone your entire life without knowing and you’d be better off for it. Some people may argue that some things are better left unknown. However, how are you supposed to develop your character when you never test your limits? Courage, my friends!

1. The TSA didn’t catch 95% of guns and other paraphernalia going through airports during a government-run experiment.

This is according to an internal investigation of the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) which revealed security failures at dozens of the nation’s busiest airports, where undercover investigators were able to smuggle mock explosives or banned weapons through checkpoints in 95 percent of trials.

2. Your dog probably likes squeaky toys because it reminds them of the sounds an animal makes when it’s being killed.

Dogs use their sense of hearing to explore their environment and they're naturally attracted to sounds that signify prey, such as squeaking. The squeaky sound triggers a predatory response in dogs and they find it irresistible to play with.

3. The FDA allows small amounts of rat droppings in candy bars.

Rat droppings are considered an unavoidable contaminant and are allowed in food products in small amounts, as long as they are not harmful to human health.

4. Cannibalism is common in hamsters.

Hamsters may eat their own young if they feel threatened, stressed or if the litter is too large. In the wild, it is a natural adaptation for survival. They may consume the remains of their deceased cage mates, especially if food is scarce

5. You pass the anniversary date of your death each year.

So, I guess you should like seize the day, carpe diem and all that jazz.

6. Wes Craven’s “A Nightmare on Elm Street” is based on a real story.

The movie is based on a series of articles in the LA Times about a group of Laotian refugees in California who were having the same terrifying nightmares and then dying in their sleep. This occurrence was so prevalent that they actually coined a name for it -- Sudden Unexpected Death Syndrome (SUNDS)

7. A person consumes 1–2 cups of snot per day.

The average human produces about 1-2 liters of mucus per day. This is due to the constant production and swallowing of mucus in the nasal passages and throat.

8. Alchemists used brain matter as an ingredient in eternal life elixirs.

In medieval times, alchemists believed that using brain matter as an ingredient in their elixirs would grant them eternal life.

Wow. The more you know, right?

See, that wasn’t so bad. And now, you have a couple of ice-breakers for your next family reunion.

-B-