Your Daily Reminder

Happy morning, new subject! As the newest subordinate planet within the Kylraglyn Dominion, your people are entitled to a range of privileges, only the least of which is a daily customized report of the goings-on within Dominion space.

I see that you have requested a daily "astrological" reading, a pseudoscientific tradition from a less enlightened period of your species' evolution. It strikes me as a thing of little value, but the Cultural Preservation League exists precisely to maintain these silly little games, so I suppose we must do this.

Your star sign is "Gemini." With the assistance of the League, I have assembled your daily reading: "Today, you will face challenges, but you will also enjoy many small pleasures." Well, no one can deny the accuracy of this, can they? Ha ha. You tell your friends and yourself that you only follow this superstition for fun, but I think it really does inform your life.

I will see you tomorrow, Gemini.

*****

Good morning, Gemini. A particularly horrific civil war is presently ravaging a series of planets near Sagittarius A, but first, what you really care about: Your astrological projection.

Today's reading: "An increasing proportion of your species is falling prey to a premodern belief as your entire planet is slowly dragged backward into a primitive mire of ignorance." Ha ha, I think this is even more accurate than yesterday's prediction.

You know, many Kylraglyn monitors laugh at your species, but I don't and neither do those in my personal circle. I would describe our attitude as pity mediated by a fully justified sense of superiority.

*****

A new day rises for you, Gemini, full of promise and potential - but you won't take any action until you know what your stars say, will you? You are aware that we have active colonies on planets around all of these stars, right? It's like we've been telling you what to do ever before our diplomats entered your atmosphere.

Today's reading...oh my, this one is most interesting: "A crisis will soon envelop your civilization, and you shall play a small but absolutely critical role in its salvation." Can you believe it, Gemini? Do you think this one might be...true?

Ha ha. I lied last time, I actually laugh at your species on a routine basis. Life has been a parade of mirth since I took this position.

*****

I've been thinking, Gemini, and I must apologize. I should not have mentioned that we all laugh at you, even if it is entirely accurate. And I should take your idiotic superstitions more seriously. If this is useful to you, Gemini, then I will put in my best effort.

In fact, henceforth each reading will contain specifically actionable material. As an example, here's what you must know for today: "You will completely humiliate yourself in front of one or more important individuals, making your species look foolish." So now, Gemini, you can be prepared for that. It seems that I was wrong - these readings are very useful.

*****

It's good to see you, Gemini. I've been told that people bearing your sign are mercurial, and every day I fear that you might cancel this service on some impulse. But then you wouldn't know what the day holds, would you?

Today's reading: "This evening, between the phases of civil and nautical twilight, you will discover a sum of money equal to approximately 6% of your yearly income. Whether you opt to keep it or return it, you will face immediate and long-term consequences that will affect your life for the foreseeable future."

What do you make of this highly specific reading, Gemini? Is it the product of some secretive precognitive technology? Might it be connected to a selective mind control technique? Perhaps this is part of a Kylraglyn social experiment? Or merely a sign that the League allowed some particularly whimsical member to operate their instruments today?

Why am I asking you? Aren't you Geminis meant to be endowed with creative minds? You should tell me.

Ha ha. This is a very fun superstition. I do hope you'll come back tomorrow, Gemini, but we do both know how mercurial you are.