Vaccination Day

We’ve probably all imagined, at one point, what life would be like if it was more like The Walking Dead. Probably nothing short of terrifying – but thanks to the new COVID vaccine, we might be able to find out for ourselves. Let’s look at the facts for a second. The world was supposed to end in 2012, according to an ancient Mayan prophecy. Now some of you might say “But it didn’t”. What if I told you it’s 2013 right now, and that the world could end at any second? If you didn’t hear the buzz in 2020, 8 years of history were allegedly incorrect. Meaning it isn’t really 2020 at all, and we’re all living in a lie.

Enter the I Am Legend theory (specifically my own brainchild). Will Smith’s 2007 movie about loneliness, depression, and zombies really describes the past year to a tee. Lockdown brought loneliness, everyone going about their lives, feeling abandoned. The undead roam the streets, polluted by a vaccine that was supposed to cure cancer. And although this liar wants you to believe that’s a false claim, I’m pretty sure I’ve watched it several times. So I would know. Let’s go over the possible events, in the case of the very plausible zombie apocalypse.

The Outbreak

When the vaccine has been given to all “applicable” patients, aka the government’s expendable bunch, something will happen to trigger the outbreak. You can wait until after this time to establish a safe house, or you can get on it right away. Of course, with a horde of bleeding scoundrels creating panic in the streets, the perfect opportunity to gather supplies pops up. Use the outbreak to your advantage, but also be careful.

The Brief Moment of Peace

This comes shortly after the outbreak. The undead, still getting used to their new form, are going to spend some time in hiding. I’d recommend staying away from dark rooms, parking garages, caves. Anything un-lit or underground is a possible death trap. Use this brief moment of peace to find your safe haven. Hard-to-reach places such as mountains, islands, or towers are good options, so long as you can be passive with the Yeti and other wildlife. But you have to consider emergency escape routes as well as any possible entrances – in case you happen to be chased. If you’re thinking of going somewhere farther, perhaps the ends of the earth, make sure you stay a distance away from the edge. That way you won’t fall off, but the flat earth presents enemies with certain death.

The Unexpected Meet and Greet

After establishing your new residency, you’re bound to come across fellow survivors. And since no one can be trusted during times of peril, ask them for the password. If they say anything other than 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42, they are not to be trusted. If they answer correctly, do a quick perimeter scan to look for any crop circles. Always remember that aliens are out to get you as well.

The Bad Ending

And of course, it will all eventually come to an end. Do as many good deeds as you can, so you might fully die and be brought back as a plant. You won’t be able to see it coming. Either you’ll be abducted, fall into a wardrobe and go to a magical land, eaten alive by zombies, or sucked into the Bermuda Triangle and become a prisoner to Atlantis. But there are so many things out to get you, and eventually one of them will.

And that’s all I am able to disclose at the moment. The tinfoil is making my head sore, and my FBI agent may be suspicious. When the vaccine is distributed and these events do take place, you’ll think of something. I wish you only the best of luck and hope to see you on the other side.